Logo design contest - Winner gets $60.00 and 10 finalist applicants paid $5.00 each
Me: If you want a custom Christmas e-mail template, it’ll take at least two billable hours.
Client: We don’t want to pay extra. Can’t you just add a snowy background?
Me: It’s a bit more complicated than that. I’m sorry, but I do have to charge by the hour.
Client: No. Why don’t you spend a couple hours figuring out how we can do this for free.
Me: You want me to sit here for a “couple hours” to figure out a way you can get me to work for a couple of hours for free?
Client: We need more time to pay.
Me: It’s been six months. I can take a credit card right now, or give me a FedEx tracking number of the overnight check. Otherwise the site goes offline. I’m sorry it came to this.
Client: I can’t get a check issued that quickly and I don’t have a corporate credit card I can use.
Me: The only solution I can think of is having you pay the bill with your personal credit card on behalf of your company, and then you submit an expense report and get a reimbursement check from your company.
Client: I don’t want to do that! Do you have any idea how long my company takes to reimburse expenses!?
A client wanted to me to help them change domain registrars. I helped him through the process, and the five-minute tutorial turned into a 30-minute ordeal as he questioned the security of every step.
Me: There, done. Now just enter your card details.
Client: No, I don’t trust the website.
Me: Then you can’t transfer your domain! Don’t worry, the site is very reputable.
Client: How on earth do you know? I’m a businessman, I need to know who I’m dealing with.
Me: They have an SSL certificate and half a million customers. I use these guys and I trust them with my card details.
Client: Then we’ll use your card details.
Me: But why would I pay for your site?
Client: I think that’s only fair seeing as you’ve taken up so much of my time. Every second I spend on this, I’m not working on my core business, so I’m not earning money.
I met a few people at a “Intro to Small Business” course. Being a designer, I had hoped to meet other startups and perhaps even solicit some work. One older lady went out of her way to befriend me, and after some awkward attempts on her part to seem hip (using terms like ‘bevvie’ and going out to 'chat shit up’), I decided she was likely well meaning. However, soon after sitting down for coffee…
Client: It must be difficult being a designer. Like, if I were to ask you, right now, to design a logo for me, what would you do?
Me: (with a laugh) Ask what you’re willing to pay.
Client: Haha, you’re funny! But seriously, I’d love to see how it works.
She withdraws - seemingly from nowhere - a pen and paper, handing them both to me.
Client: Now go.
Me: Really? Sorry, I can’t work for free. I charge -
She grabs the pencil and paper.
Client: Look, just tell me what you’d draw. I want a logo that’s professional and looks paid for…
I then left.
Client: We like the design, but what’s the blank box on the top?
Me: That’s the space for the logo.
Client: Then why is it empty now?
Me: Because you haven’t gave me the logo yet?
Client: Oh! You know, you can feel free to design one for us.
Me: Oh. Well I usually charge about -
Client: You charge?
A client hired me to redesign their business cards after they got a new corporate identity. I asked them to email me their logo in .ai or .eps format. They sent me a low res .jpg with a watermark symbol on it.
I did a mock up of a card using the low res logo as a place holder, and let them know that once I received their vector logo, I could just insert it into the design.
Client: Yeah, you’re just going to have to go ahead and use what we supplied.
Me: Are you sure you don’t have an .ai or .eps file of the logo kicking around?
Client: Our old designer won’t release the vector files until we pay them, so we’re just not going to pay.
I fired the client. Two months later, I saw the owner at a networking function. He handed me his card, which was my design. They had the cards printed from the proof I originally sent. Which included the low resolution jpg logo that had a giant watermark over it.