Dear CFH readers,
It's been a long ride since our first post back in 2009. We admit we're not getting the audience we used to, but we're grateful you've been with us this far and we’re not done yet! We’re moving to NotAlwaysRight.com so that we'll be able to continue sharing new and classic stories for more years to come. While CFH won't look the same anymore, we hope you'll give our new home a chance.
-ClientsFromHell
Client: "You’re doing your work wrong."
Me: "What did I do wrong, sir?"
Client: "You’re not listening to me, this is just wrong."
Me: "Can you please tell me what I did wrong?"
Client: "You’re still not listening… this is like talking to a wall."
Another perfectly detailed instruction, from the Clients From Hell archives.
I work as a graphic designer at a sign shop that makes, well, signs. We also do some car decals and wraps from time to time, but mainly it's large format signs, banners, channel letters, and so on.
This time it's a client for some truck decals. They come in and we take measurements and photos of the existing graphics. They want the same exact decals that are there but larger, so that's what I set up in a proof, set up pricing, and send it over to them. They approve the proof in the portal, which is time-stamped with his email showing it was approved and paid and everything. Seems like an easy job and super simple to do.
Fast forward to when I email him to get scheduled for installation. I tell them the decals are ready and list the dates for installation. They pick a date and time and we get them on the schedule. All of this is through email.
Client: Can I see how the decals will look?
Me: Here's a screenshot of the proof. This was the same one we sent over to you for approvals when the order was first placed and was approved by you. Let me know if you have questions.
Client: Let's take this part of the sentence we have on there and move it. Also, in this other decal, I want the logo flipped so it's facing the other way. Does that make sense?
The logo part they are referring to is inside of the blue portion of a stylized American Flag. It's cut out of the vinyl and flipping it would cause the logo to be backward from how it normally looks. The sentence was just cutting off a word and moving it elsewhere, which is super easy for production to do.
Me: The sentence part is something we can accommodate. However, the decals were made once the proof was approved and are based on that. It looks like the proof was approved on [date] and we moved forward with that.
Client: I am not happy at all. I refuse to put the logo on my car backward.
This logo is facing the right way all along. They wanted it flipped around and backward.
Of course, now I go into a panic. I talk with my coworker, who works in the production room, and he's like "yeah the decals are already made so we can't do anything unless they buy a new one". My boss isn't there, as he's out doing installs all day long, so it's just me vs the client. I go back to my email and see that the client has emailed again. It hasn't even been a few minutes.
Client: Reimburse me my money or let's get this right. I admit I didn't look at the proof but approved it via the portal assuming you'd make it look EXACTLY how it looks like in the photos, which is why you took them.
Once they said this, my panic instantly goes away. I know I have the trump card as I saved those photos from my phone to my work computer so I could reference them. I go back to the photos and took a look and, lo and behold, I did it right. The photo is even on the side of the truck the client had wanted it flipped on. I had mimicked it per their words when I spoke with them.
Me: I did reference the photo and mimicked it when I was setting up this proof. Here's the photo I referenced. *Shows them the photo.*
Client: *Immediately apologetic.* Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was backward on my truck currently as well. I'll still proceed with the install as is, but is it hard to order a new decal? If so, how much?
In the end, the client came in and said to just install them as they are. They apologized for being a pain and didn't like to be a complainer, which was nice of them. They said they were going to do some other decals once their new business got off the ground on this same truck, so we can make the change then.
Client: "So you got everything you need? Take all the time you want. We really believe we understand the mind of the creative individual. We know it takes time to create a powerful ad."
Me: "Yeah. It does. Thanks."
Client: "But it’s urgent. Just imagine that it should have been done as of yesterday."
Me: "But no deadline?"
Client: "Right. Well, I mean, we need it for four days, but otherwise, yeah - no deadline."
A "yeah but no", from the Clients From Hell archives.
My team is having a really hard time color correcting a textile product in some photos that were taken by a novice in a natural setting, with the sun coming in and out behind the clouds on the day of the shoot. Obviously, the product is not going to look the same in every photo because how could it be under that many variables?
The person approving is in no way trained in design or color theory, and can't seem to connect the dots between how a color will look in sun vs in shade. Despite that, they're asking for "a smidge more warmth here" or a "notch of darkness there" and seem to be completely bewildered that doesn't translate to a single button in photoshop, like an Instagram filter...
To further the woe, I found out that this person is basing approvals on how the product looks on an iPad screen as viewed under a fluorescent "natural sun" light... A digital screen, under a harsh light, with a swatch beside it. And everyone expects that to somehow translate to the same look on every end-users differently calibrated screen... And as if textiles don't have dye-lots that shift the color every single run.
But I digress: WHAT IS A DESIGN STUDIO TO DO? Three people with the accumulative design experience of a natural lifetime raise this issue to our head, that we're constantly redoing work and up against unattainable perfections that can in no way be quantified or standardized... and the response? We've been issued a Hue 100 test to make sure we're not colorblind. Thanks for the help!
While designing a Sherlock Holmes poster for a children’s theater group.
Client: "You know how you have both Watson and Holmes? Just take out Watson and make Holmes bigger. Also, take out Sherlock’s hands."
Me: "But then the notebook he’s holding will be floating…"
Client: "I can’t overstate how okay I am with a floating notebook."
When design disasters aren't a mystery, from the Clients From Hell archives.
Client: We're a startup game company, and we need one character with thirty different eyes, thirty different mouths, thirty different hairstyles, and thirty different bodies for our game where the character can be customized.
Me: Okay, that's technically thirty characters with each element drawn separately and/or in separate layers.
I then give my rate for thirty characters.
Client: Your profile says you charge [amount] for only one character. Please give us that rate since it's only one character but he has thirty different mouths, eyes, hair, and bodies. So the price should be just for one character.
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Some years ago, I was a freelance writer with particular academic expertise. My work was becoming more well-known and widespread, so my profile was rising somewhat. As a result, I was emailed out of the blue by an old acquaintance whom I'd worked with previously on a media project. He works in the media himself. And it showed.
Client: Hi, mate. Long time no see. So, I'm putting together a new site, all about [subject]. I reckon it'll be a really great resource, but I'm trying to get it off the ground. Would you be willing to write a piece for it? With your profile, it would really help get it noticed.
I realised it would be a very quick job, and I bear the guy no ill will, so I was fine to do him a favour.
Me: Yeah, okay. Sounds doable. I'll send something over in a couple of days.
Client: Great, thanks. I'm afraid there's no budget, so I can't pay you, but it will be great exposure for you.
Me: So, you'll get exposure because it's me writing for you, and that exposure will be how I'm paid?
Client: "Yeah. That all okay?"
I just sent him a quick piece in the end, seemed easier. Never saw the eventual site; presumably, it didn't happen because his "pay me to work for me" strategy didn't pan out.
I need to get a hold of a client’s IT department to check on some compatibility issues:
Client: "IT… IT… I don’t know who’s in IT. We have a bunch'a Indians running around here sometimes, I’ll grab you one of those. Just let me look in the directory here and find an Indian-sounding name… Raji. That sounds good. I’ll send you over to Raji. I know he’s not in sales because he couldn’t sell his left nut to save his life… so he’s probably in IT. Besides, he’s Indian, they own the tech sector so I’m sure he can help you regardless of his position here. I’ll transfer you now."
Just a bit more casual racism, from the Clients From Hell archives.