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Learn How to Do Your Job!

I've been a video editor for 15 years. I have a full-time editing position, but I also freelance on the side. I'd already edited a few videos for a new client who wanted to develop a long-term relationship and basically use me for all of his editing work. My contract states that half of payment is due after I send the first draft, with the rest due when they approve the final product. 

One week I was working on a video for him, and after I sent him the first edit, he put that project on hold and asked me to produce five logo intros ASAP.

He sent me 5 complex After Effects templates, and I turned around the first 3 intros within two hours. Basically, I had to resize their 200x200 logo in Illustrator, drop it into the templates, change some colors, and speed up some of the animations. No big deal. The export/render took the longest time because of the sheer number of effects in each project.

However, the other two templates wouldn't load correctly. They required a third-party plugin that I had to install, and after installation, neither project would save or export and my computer ended up crashing several times. I've never had this problem before, and although I stayed up all night troubleshooting, I couldn't figure out what the issue was.

Meanwhile, the client had approved the first three videos, and I explained exactly what was going on with the other two videos and how I was trying to resolve it. He finally (less than 24 hours after dumping the project on me) contacted me with the following:

Client: We don't have time for this. I need this project turned around in two hours. I suggest you learn how to do this type of editing.

Me: I DO know how to do this type of editing, but as I've said, there are technical issues with these last two templates, which I'm attempting to resolve.

Client: Do you know how to make this animation? If so, just replicate it yourself.

Me: This is an incredibly complex animation. I CAN build it, but not in two hours.

Client: Then we no longer require your services. The quality and level of expertise are not what we expected. Here's some feedback for you: Do your own research and learn more about how to edit. You do have potential, but we will not be continuing a relationship with you until you improve your skills. Also, we're not paying you for this project OR the project you abandoned halfway through.

Me: OK, but you ARE paying me for the three intros I completed, per our contract. I obviously won't charge you for the other two, but there were technical issues with those templates, which have nothing to do with my expertise or editing skills. You'll also pay for the other project's first draft, per THAT contract, as you were the one who canceled the project after I'd already given you a useable product.

Client: We're not paying for anything.

Me: You WILL pay me because it's in the contract, or I'll open a case against you.

Client: I don't care! In fact, I'M opening a case against YOU.

Me: Sounds good. I'll go ahead an open my case now.

Client: Fine, fine, never mind, we'll pay you! But we do logo intros all the time and have never had any problems before.

We agreed to a price, and I washed my hands of them. A few months later, they contacted me again.

Client: Hey, remember that first project you did for us? We'd like some changes, and think you're the best person to make them!

Me: Sorry, I'm not interested.

Client: But we LOVE your work! And you have the files already. It'll take like 15 minutes.

Me: Sorry, I'm still not interested.

Client: We will pay you DOUBLE! We loved working with you!

Me: I'll be more clear: After the way you treated me during the last project, I have no interest in working with you again.

Client: Fine. We WERE going to give you another chance. But we'll find someone else.

Client:  BTW, YOU were the one who couldn't fulfill the job requirements.

Client: I can't believe you're still taking this personally.

I have zero regrets.

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Tricky tricky

A client hadn't paid me in months. Luckily I had a contract:

Me: If you don't pay immediately you're going to start incurring late fees.

Client: All right! All right! Jeez. I'm putting it in the mail right now.

It didn't dawn on me until later that all our transactions had been online to that point. Three days later I received a check - postdated three months later. 

Jokes on him, though - I deposited it in an ATM and the bank accepted it that day.

 

Ever gotten the best of a sneaky client? We want to know about it!

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GROSS

Client: Make it pop.

Me: Really? I'm using contrasting colors and sharp lines. I'd say it already "pops."

Client: I want it to pop like a balloon. This pops like a zit.

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Birthday message from dumped client

I have this client who asked me to do him a website exactly like someone else's, even suggesting that I copy their text verbatim "to be changed at a later date." I fought back, but he would eventually insist.

This has been going on for months. I sent him an email: 

Me: Look, I don't think I can continue with this anymore. I suggest you find another web designer whose professional ethics don't prevent them from plagiarizing a site, because I won't do it. I still think you shouldn't, but if that's what you demand than at least it won't be with me. 

Several weeks later was my birthday. The client sent me a voice message:

Client: Happy birthday! Hey, thanks for being so patient with me. I haven't been able to read the last few emails you sent me but I'll get to that later.

I think he's in for a surprise. I don't feel bad, though. Who communicates via voice message and not email? 

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Badge of No Honour

Back when I started at my current job in construction, I never expected to use any of my graphic or design training, However, when our company started doing more charity type work eventually it got out that I was semi-competent with some design software and I became the guy who designed the posters/flyers/etc for client companies without assets. 

It was, and still is really enjoyable to use my skills to help, but one thing really sticks in my mind as a perfectly legal revenge story.

One of the first things I worked on was a mock-up poster for a local council. They were running an event for our charity partners. They sent over any resources they could find and it was a typical mash of some really low-res pictures with nonsensical text but I soldiered on.

After trashing my original artsy draft they settled on the mockup with pretty solid color choices and a nice clean layout (Which looking back I now much prefer). That was a good first step, but what you need to understand is that this was only a mockup to be finished later - the assets were unfinished, text was not aligned correctly, the works. 

As you can probably guess, they steamrolled ahead with the mockup anyway saying it would do, and it went to print. To this day, and with bitter glee, I still enjoy seeing they are using one of the assets I created for that mockup, the "high res" logo. See, it was actually a scan taken of an old newspaper, from back when they did a cover piece on the council.

I shrunk down a high res scan and used that as my placeholder for their logo (the original sent during the project was a 200kb jpg). But it still has the dots from the printing press visible, they rushed ahead before letting me vectorize it. 

And now, every letter they send out, any time they bill another company or provide a "high-res" logo copy, they send my 10-year-old newspaper scan. And, everytime I see those tiny dots I smile a little.

I could tell them. I could send the vectored one and tell people, I made that when I see it. But instead, I leave them using the crappy one and remind myself to use a watermark on any mockups. 

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How do we access the event we’re already in?

I contract as a project manager for overflow clients with an online event provider. The platform facilitates virtual events for corporations, universities, etc.

I don't want to say this one university had low-performing staff, but on the event day, numerous professors messaged me in the event's Tech Support channel asking how to access the University Open House they were literally logged into and attending already. 

I've added the school to the list of places I'd never send my kids. 

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It’s good to plan…

I was engaged by a health authority to run a project for a new family doctor center in a run-down area. I went along one October to the initial meeting with the guy who would be doing the actual project management. It wasn't really what we expected. Firstly, there were about 25 people there from the health authority, always a bad sign. Secondly, they spent an hour going over the sketchy project brief we'd already seen, but which turned out to be missing even more things than we'd expected. Then the fun started. They announced they wanted it open the following April - five months away. 

Me: You've already secured the land for this?

Client: No, but we know where we want to build!

Me:  So... no planning permission, no change of use granted then? 

Client: No, but you'll handle that!

Me: Well, just securing the plot and permissions could take anything up to a year - but you already have the design for the health center?

Client: No, we thought you would have an architect as part of the project team.

Me: We aren't architects. You can add another six months minimum.

This continued in the same vein for a while. Eventually, we broke it to them that starting from where they were, they had a two to three-year project on their hands. It didn't go down well, and it turned out they'd already announced the health center opening "next April" in local media. Then we had the best one, saved until last.

Client: But we've already hired the doctors!

And they had. The only thing they'd actually done was to employ four very expensive doctors (c. £500,000 pa total cost) who had nowhere to work. Incidentally, the center still hasn't been built.

YIKES. Do you have a client who counted their eggs before they hatched??

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Design Interview Scammer

I've been browsing open design positions on and off for about a month. Nothing super serious, mostly watching to see if anything pops out. I applied to a really interesting publishing company with a fantastic aesthetic and got a preliminary interview via email. He sent a couple of standard interview questions along with an assignment (which is normal for this field).

Client: Nice to meet you! We send applicants an assignment to get the conversation started. Could you design 1 header image and 3 exit modal images for our "How to publish a book" post?

For the modals, here are 3 tests we would be running:
Version A: Sign up to our "How to self-publish a book" learning course
Version B: Sign up to hire a professional editor.
Version C: Free Book Launch Checklist

Feel free to be as creative as you like but please follow a similar style to what we currently have across the site. The key objective of the modals is to convert visitors into users.

I spent a decent amount of time crafting really thought out answers to the questionnaire but gently turned down the assignment.

Me: While I absolutely love having prompts that allow me to showcase my abilities unfortunately I don't feel comfortable creating work that would be applicable to the company. In order to protect my IP, I must decline this specific ask however I would be more than happy to provide work for a non-applicable prompt. Alternatively, you can also view examples of my work via my portfolio.

He responded 20 minutes later with zero acknowledgment toward the rest of the questionnaire.

Company: Thanks for getting back to me. It's impossible for us to review applications without the design assignment so I'll leave it up to you whether you'd like to do it or not.

It took me an hour and a conversational rant or two to figure out how to respond.

Me: I must apologize as I cannot complete the given assignment as it is currently stated. In my professional experience, it is standard practice to be given assignments during the interview process however the goal is to provide the company and team members an accurate assessment of the interviewee. In order to protect the IP of the interviewee, the company provides an assignment that is similar in style but unrelated directly to the company. For example, a UX position at a software company provided a brief for a research outline on a grocery store redesign. A Web Design position at a candle company asked for a mock landing page for a wedding invitation. In both of these instances. That way the company can't just use the "trial" work directly without paying the applicant.

I've had no response since. I'm wondering how many of the supposed "30 applicants per day" they claim to be getting from their job listings are providing them essentially free work.

The listing has been live for three weeks and is still going strong.

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Sanctioned Theft

Me: Do you already have photos or will you need me to purchase some stock images on your behalf?

Client: I was just going to grab them from Google.

Me: Those aren't free to use, those belong to someone.

Client: (whispering) Well we won't tell if you won't. 

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Oh you’re honest? Keep telling me how you’d never stiff a kid…

A passing acquaintance of my dad needed an editor for a show she was producing & directing for a smaller national TV station, which had been picked up by the largest national station.

I was in my late teens, but she assured me, again and again, I'd be treated with the same respect as any adult, as she despised people in the industry who took advantage of kids.

Client: I stuck up for kids who'd been taken advantage of by a TV crew not being paid due payment. Don't worry, I'll take care of you. I'll never stiff you on payment.

I thought it weird how much she kept repeating it.

The smaller network was still in the fledgling stages and budgets were tight, and so editing involved getting picked up and taken to her house to edit for most of the day. She was really happy with my work and asked me to jump in on some other smaller projects for her. I obliged, but my parents saw I'd finished the main project and now was working side projects, and still hadn't been paid.

She felt hurt when I informed her I'd finish the three side projects but that I was backing out of more editing work, but she accepted it. for the next few months, I'd contact her and invoice her for payment and she'd keep asking for a new invoice and assuring me I'd get paid.

About a year and a half later she informed me she won a trip overseas to a large Film and Television conference.

Client: I feel so bad that I didn't pay you - would you accept these tickets to make up for it?

Me: Fine.

I gave her my info so she could send the tickets. She never did.

It's been years, and I know she's had some health problems over that time. I've absolutely forgiven her. That said, forgiveness doesn't mean I'd trust her again after she stole over 2K from a kid.

What's your Clients From Hell origin story?

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