Client: I need you to send me the video you created.
Me: Not a problem. Just let me know what format you need.
Client: What are my options?
Me: How about I send you the video in both Windows and Quicktime (Mac) formats.
Client: Can you do PDF?
A file type mishap from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: We'd like to hold a big parking lot BBQ to bring people in our store. Can you put together a campaign promoting it?
The date? August 2020.
Me: I'm not sure that's such a good idea.
Client: People are CRAVING company. Let's take advantage of the moment.
I answered a job posting for my local state university to do some design work promoting local events. They liked my portfolio and I thought I'd clinched a job, when suddenly:
Client: Are you a student here?
Me: No, I actually graduated three years ago from [different school].
Client: Oh, you need to be a student to do this job.
Me: Oh... the posting didn't say that.
Client: Sorry, it should have. Tell you what - I like your work. If you sign up for a course - just one - you can do this job.
The job was worth $800. The course was worth... way more than that.
Client: I already know what I want for the logo. It’s a house, with a face, and it’s on wheels with an exhaust pipe coming out of the back which is shooting out smoke in the shape of dollar signs.
A design disaster from the Clients From Hell archives!
On revision 46:
Client: It's looking great! We just need to sharpen the main points!
I think he's suggested "sharpening the main points" about ten times so far, and I still don't really know what that means.
Client: I'm looking over your invoice, and you have our meeting times for going over the design included.
Me: That's right.
Client: But during those meetings, I was helping you with the designs. You shouldn't charge for that.
At 3am, after finishing a website template for a client who had to have it “by 6am their time,” I sent an email letting her know that it was finished. The next day, I get a call:
Client: I don’t appreciate you staying out all night when you should be working on my project.
Me: I’m sorry? I was working all last night. As you can see, I sent you an e-mail -
Client: I see that. At 3 AM. Do you think it’s okay to party all night and then work without sleep at 3am? It’s very unprofessional and morally reprehensible.
Me: What makes you think I was out partying?
Client: Why else would you be up at 3 AM?
Me: You gave me 24 hours to do 18 hours of work. I had to stay up.
Client: Don’t try to use math on me!
A waking nightmare from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: Thanks for taking on this file. Everyone who works for me is an idiot.
I’ve recently had a client who needed posters for an event happening a week later.
Even though I followed her instructions to the letter, she complained with each draft I sent. Finally, all was agreed upon and the poster was sent to a printer.
The day before the event, she called me in distress.
Client: These posters look terrible - it’s missing the date and some of the colors!
Me: I’m looking at the final example here - the one we agreed on – and it looks like I didn’t forget anything. But maybe —
Client: You know we have a deadline TODAY, right ?
Me: Yes, of course I know that - but I don’t know what went wrong. If you could send —
Client: It’s not my job to know what’s wrong, IT IS YOURS.
Me: If you can just send me the PDF you used for a quick look, then —
The client hung up on me.
I called around to discover that printer’s raster image processor was unsupported, and it had therefore removed some of the colors. This was a somewhat common occurence for them.
I called the client back and tried to explain what had happened
Client: What are you going do about this?
Me: I have had them make you some new posters, free of charge. Because the rush the method is a little different, so the quality won’t be the same, but —
Client: Jesus f****ing Christ! How in the world can you be so unprofessional, dumbass?
Me: As I’ve told you; the problem lies with the printer you use. Apparently —
Once again, the client hung up on me.
An unprofessional calling out of unprofessionalism from the Clients From Hell archives!
I had a client send me an photo that they had taken of their company vehicles.
Client: We want the angle to be changed, so the cars are facing the side instead of the front. We want to be able to see the logos on the doors better.
Me: I would have to come to site and do a new photoshoot with the cars in the desired positioning.
Client: You're supposed to be a designer - don't you know how to use Photoshop? Just twist it around and get it done!