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Client: Hi. Do you do Photoshop? 

Me: Yes, I'm proficient with Photoshop. How can I help you? 

Client: I wanted to know if you do logo editing? 

Me: Logo editing? 

Client: Yes. I have a professionally-made logo, and I need it edited.

Me: I see... Well, what changes are you looking for? 

He sent me a low-res logo with a watermark.

Client: I need the semi-transparent thing over the main picture removed and the blurry edges made better.

Turns out, this client from hell had contracted a fellow artist - who is a friend of mine - to design a logo. The client bargained his way into paying 10% upfront instead of 50% like my friend usually charges, then after he was satisfied with the logo (which still had the watermark), he thought he'd be clever and tell my friend his work was inadequate and wouldn't pay the remainder. 

Unfortunately for him, the first person he tried was me. I immediately informed my friend, who warned the client from hell not to try using his work without paying. 

Client from hell ignored the warning, presumably found some other guy who was willing to turn a blind eye and help him (badly) remove the watermark, then used the blurry low-res image anyway. My friend tried lawyering up, but apparently, it wasn't worth it. Now he refuses to waver from his 50% upfront policy.

 

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I've been working as an art director for almost 20 years now. I do work for big companies and have even won a few awards.

Every time my mother sees a new work of mine:

Mom: I can't believe it! It looks like it's done by professionals.

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I have a client who in the past paid his invoice either on the due date or a few days late. They have also told me they have cashflow problems (big red flag right there).

Client: For the next project, we would like to have longer payment terms. We don't understand the problem. We have clients of our own that pay only after 3 months.

Me: My company is just me and I need to be able to pay my bills, too. I expect clients to pay their invoices on time.

Client: If I knew you were living on bread and water, I would consider paying you earlier.

Wow, that went non-professional real fast! "Why should I pay you if you aren't starving?"

 

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I spent about a week working and presenting a series of posters that a corporation's employees would see. All the players on the project loved the layouts! After completing about 4 posters, I was suddenly invited to a webcam meeting with the creative director. 

Client: You're an absolutely amazing designer, but because of this project we're letting you go! Please send us all of your working files for the posters thus far.

Me: Why do you want a copy of my design work if I'm being fired?

 Client: Oh, we love the work, we just don't like you.

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I'm a freelance web developer. I design and build sites from start to finish, but occasionally I get a client that has an existing site that needs changes.

One such client had been using an overseas developer to build a unique site. The client didn't think they were getting their money's worth, and a year into the project decided their overseas developer wasn't doing anything so they sacked them and came to me. They gave me a huge sob story about being ripped off, so I decided I'd try to help them out.

I looked at their site, and pretty much everything they said their developer hadn't done, was actually in there. He'd built it in quite a unique way, but it was all there.

Client: I need this site up and running as quickly as possible so I can start making revenue. 

Me: Okay. Here is a list of immediate action items that will make the site good to go. I'll do these, and once you send me some content I'll upload it and you'll have a functioning site. Deal?

Client: Deal. 

Within a few days, I'd done all the agreed items except the content uploads. She promised to have the content to me by the end of the end.

End of the week, nothing.

Me:  Hey, just a reminder that I'm waiting for content. I can't do anything until you send me some. 

Client: Right, sorry, I'll get that to you. 

Another week went by, nothing.

Then I started to get some odd emails.

Client: We're really getting traction on social media now. Why haven't you done any work? Why isn't the site live?

Me: I have done all the work we agreed on. I'm just waiting on the content you promised. That's all that's left to do.

More weird emails followed, asking for extra work to be done to the site (Facebook Pixel integration, design changes we hadn't previously discussed, modified landing page, new forms, etc), none of which was on our agreed brief. In between other clients, I did all the extra work and reminded her again that I was still waiting on content. Given that more than a month had gone by, I sent through an invoice for work done to date.

Suddenly I started getting ranting, abusive calls.

Client: Why isn't the site live? You haven't done anything. Why have you not done anything?

Me: I've done all the items we agreed on initially, except for the content, and I've also done all this extra work you asked me to do that wasn't on our initial brief. Everything is ready to go. All it's waiting on is the content you promised a month ago.

Client: I don't understand why you've sent an invoice when nothing is done. How dare you? I'm not paying a cent until the site is up and running.

Days go by, still no content, and I continue to get abuse, so I told her I couldn't work with her anymore. I fired my client, fully expecting not to get paid.

What I didn't expect, though, was a series of legal letters of demand, telling me to pay her $40,000 in costs and lost earnings. Needless to say, I got my lawyer to handle it, I never got paid, and I ended up out of pocket for trying to help someone out of a jam.

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I recently started a job as a developer. 

Client: Here's a list of 10 things that need to be done by next Wednesday.

Me: I've checked the requirements and our schedule and I'm pleased to say we can have these ready for you in time.

Client: Sure is, let me know when these are ready for review.

Friday before the deadline.

Me: Changes are complete, we can deploy with your approval.

Client: Looks great, push these live.

Later that day.

Client: Ok, here's a new list of 20 things that also have to be completed by Wednesday.

These were brand new tasks that he'd never mentioned until this very moment.

Me: This is quite a substantial amount of work, even with overtime, the earliest this could be delivered is the following Wednesday.

Client: I can't believe you would let us down like this! I don't care how you do it, these MUST be done for this Wednesday, even if you and the whole team have to work days and nights! Fix your mistake and get it done.

Don't get me wrong, with the right apologetic attitude, I'd gladly do them a favor and help them hit a critical deadline. But to be accused of letting the company down for missing a deadline that was never mentioned, and had no involvement in setting...

I can't see this job being long term.

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I thought I had seen it all with walk-in print jobs. Then this happened:

Client: I want you to print these 20 photos, and frame them.

The twenty photos were submitted in an Excel file. 

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I work as a Graphic Designer at a print shop, and we do a lot of vehicle decals.

Client: I want our logo on both sides of the vehicle]

A day later I sent over a proof, he calls me and says can you flip the text on the driver's side so it starts at the back instead of the front?

Me: Uh... 
Client: I like how the passenger side looks much better, can I have the text go from back to front?

Me: Sure, if you want to read the text in reverse.

Client: No, I don't mean that, just make the driver side look like the passenger side, have the text read from right to left instead.

It took me a while to explain why that wouldn't work

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Client: I would like the website background to be purple

Me: Ok, no problem. Are you able to send me the HEX code, a style guide or perhaps point me to a website with the same color purple you'd like to use?

Client: No that's fine, just make it the same purple of a Jacaranda tree flowering in the summer.

Me: (contemplating life choices) ...

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