Client: Should I send the logo as jpg or jpeg?
Me: Send it wtf.
Client: What’s that?
Me: I’m joking with you, send it as a png.
Client: Nice try, but I’m not that stupid.
I am being subcontracted by a company to produce an environmental flyer for their client. The client asked me report directly to them because he has been unhappy with some of the company’s work to date.
The company was a bit slow with written content, but the deadline was looming fast, I created an illustrator file with everything set up. All their designer had to do was drop the text in. I emailed to the head of the company, their client and their designer.
The next morning I get an angry call from the client.
Client: What the hell happened to the flyer?
Me: Erm… you saw the proof and you told me liked it?
Client: Yeah, I liked that one, but this new one is horrible!
Me: What new one?
Client: The one that [the company] sent over this morning!
He sent me the new proof, and it’s been drastically changed. Shocked, I call the boss at the company.
Me: What happened to the design I sent over? The client was happy with the design, why did you change it?
Company Boss: Well, my mom saw the design and she didn’t like it, so she got [designer] to change it.
Why the client didn’t like working through this company, I have no idea.
I work for a university. I was editing a promotional video and had just sent them a version to review.
Client: This looks pretty good. But you need to change the font to the official university font.
Me: I thought the university font was Futura. That’s what I used.
Client: No. I don’t remember what it was called but if you check the hard drive, there should be a folder named ‘University Font’. It’s in there.
I find the folder and, sure enough, the font is Futura. So I just resend them the same video file
Client: Oh, yes, that’s much better.
About a year ago I was doing a bit of freelance writing for an online sports publication. The secretary emailed me a few just as I was heading out, so I replied as quickly as I could, apologizing in the email itself for the rushed nature of my correspondence.
I get a telephone call from the angry editor an hour later:
Client: (secretary) has had to go on home early thanks to you! What’s your problem?
Me: I’m sorry…what?
Client: I see you don’t take that of tone with me.
After a bizarre grilling from the editor, it turns out as I’d written my email in caps (it wasn’t phrased rudely at all - I was quite friendly with the secretary) the secretary had thought I was “shouting” at her through the computer and had gotten upset.
My apologies and explanations were in vain and I did no more work for that publication.
Me: I’m pretty much ready to start the design of the presentation - I’m just missing the text for each slide. When can I expect it?
Client: Actually we didn’t have time to write anything down, so if you can just come up with something, it would be great.
One week later…
Client: The presentation is great, but the text is all wrong. In the future, take the time to get the text from us before finishing.
i know you know what time it is, bro! i lost my log in info to the web page again
No joke, he spilled Red Bull on his Macbook containing the information.
I was building a website for a funeral home, and one of the sample screenshots was on an unclosed tab on my computer.
My next client was a spiritualist, who happened to see the picture. She grabbed her materials and ran out the door. She said there was “bad energy” on my PC from the funeral home website.
Client: I need to get some postcards designed promoting a new luxury brand we a representing, but it will be a tight turnaround.
Me: Sure thing, send me the assets, I’ll get started today.
Client: We don’t have anything yet. It’s not been finalized - but just use this image attached.
Me: That’s a thumbnail image, it’s only 1cm wide at 72 dpi. We can’t print that.
Client: Don’t you have some tricks to make it bigger?
Me: No. Sorry. It’s just far too small I don’t think this is a good idea for a luxury brand.
Client: It’s all we have, just use it
Me: OK, but it’s not going to look any good. Here’s a proof. If you print it out, you’ll see what I mean.
Client: It looks fine to me.
Me: Did you print it?
Client: Yes, I looked at it in Acrobat. Please send me the print file, this needs to go to print tonight.
I know who these people use for printing and contacted them. They told me they also mentioned to the client that the image was shit.
Regardless, a few days later…
Client: I’m really unhappy with the postcards. The quality was substandard, and it reflects badly on us and on you.
I sent the client the transcripts from our previous emails, with my warning’s highlighted.
I was working on an English-language multimedia project for an IT-security company based in Russia.
The UK-based client representative (an Englishman from London) and I were in the room together.
Client: Did you make sure that video ends with the English title card?
Me: Yes, I reviewed it already. It ends with the English title card.
Client: Are you sure?
Client: Play it.
I play the video, which ends and freezes on the English title card.
The client, who is English, speaks English eloquently, then asked me the following question (in English) while staring at the monitor.
Client: Is it in English?
Client: Are you sure?
I look at the monitor, the client, and then back to the monitor
Me: I am absolutely positive.
Client: Okay, I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t in Russian.
Me: I see you mentioned you have very specific skill requirements for winning this bid. Could you elaborate on that?
Client: The winning designer must be very well versed in Magneto or other top brand e-commerce programs. We will be wanting payments online and Magneto or comparable program is the most important item.
Me: (stifling a laugh) Personally, I’ve always preferred Professor X. They’re equally matched, in my opinion.
Client: Oh, uh, okay, sounds good. I’ve heard great things about Professor X.
This guy had a knack for creative pronunciation, to put it politely. Some other gems were V3, Wordpunch, mySQUEAL (how he pronounced it), and jabascript.
After he submitted his design mockups to me in Excel, I passed on the project.