Client: Do you have Adobo Pictureshop? Or, what do you call it, Imp Design?
Client: I like the logo, but what's with the checkerboard pattern in the background?
Me: Oh, that's just how Photoshop indicates that it's a transparent layer.
Client: It's ugly. Get rid of it, and then I think it's good.
I wrote an ad campaign for a client targetting millennials back when that was a thing. It was personable and authentic, and a big success when we ran it. The client got loads and loads of clickthroughs and I even won a local ad award for it.
After the first week, though, when the campaign was already a big success:
Client: You know, you should really make your ads more professional. This was way too casual. Just a little tip for the future.
I was flabbergasted. I'd just done a REALLY GOOD JOB and the client was still trying to give me career/life advice. Obviously he'd missed the point of the campaign, but IT WAS WORKING. You'd think he'd shut up at that point.
I was working with a client who had, and I quote, "decades of experience working with designers" and "loved to keep up with new technology."
Me: Would you mind sending me PNGs rather than JPGs? I could use the transparent background.
Client: What's a PNG? I've never heard of it. Is that a Photoshop thing or something?
Yeah, you're really up to date.
Client: Quick question: we use Lenovo in the office. I noticed you're on Mac - will the files be compatible with our computers?
Client: Phew! That's a relief. I thought of that last night and it kept me up.
I am a designer from Germany and lately this happened:
Client: (via email) Could you phone me? I don't have your number at hand.
This message was a replay to an email I sent her the same day before, with my complete contact info in the signature
Me: Since the final copy isn’t approved yet we have replaced it with Latin so we can focus on the design and not get hung up on the message.
Client: Well I can’t read any of this. How can we possibly approve this?
Client: The site is broken!
Me: The site I'm working on? What do you mean?
Client: I typed my business name into Google and it's not showing up.
Me: ...Okay. I'm still hosting the working draft of the site at a staging URL, and it's not publicly searchable. I gave you the link so you can look at the latest changes I've pushed anytime. Let's get this design finished, and then we start to worry about making sure you show up in a Google search.
Client: If my customers can't find the site, then it's worthless! What am I even paying you for?
I logged into a client meeting on Zoom, and forgot that I'd set it to use a beach backdrop in my last meeting.
Client: Hey, where are you? The beach? Jealous!
Me: Haha, yeah.
Client: But is it really safe to travel with the pandemic?
They weren't kidding. The next fifteen minutes of the meeting were just me demonstrating chroma-keying to them.