I provide remote IT support to a small business. The owner called me with a question.
Client: I just sent an email on my personal account, BUT it was from my work computer - but when I hit send I noticed there was a glaring typo.
Client: So I guess my question to you is can you intercept the email before it arrives?
I was producing some online awards for a client. This required recording presenter and winners' speeches in advance, and editing the footage into a completed video with graphics, music, etc.
I had been chasing an award winner down for two weeks: no response to any outreach. They had multiple sketchy-looking FB pages attributed to them, but no content on any of the pages, so I couldn't confirm if any page is real, or spoofed. I eventually got in touch with their co-workers to have them call me back, and confirmed a time for them to appear on Zoom with their award presenter for the recording. Send multiple invitations and explainer emails about Zoom practices.
Time to record!
The Award Presenter showed up no problem.
The Award Winner... signed on to Zoom. No audio. No video. I gave them a call.
Client: I can see you, but I can't hear you.
Me: Have you given your device permission to allow Zoom access to your camera and microphone.
Client: I don't know.
Meanwhile, the Presenter was patiently waiting, but had a hard out in a few minutes.
I walked the Winner through how to give Zoom permission. I continued in futility. Finally:
Client: This is my work computer. It doesn't have a camera or microphone. Can I still join Zoom?
My brain: almost melting.
Me: We'll have to figure something out. Let me record the Presenter.
Presenter recording went easy. We ended the Zoom. I called the Winner, who could not hear the Presenter, mind you, so has no idea that they won!
Me: So this Zoom recording was to present you with an award.
Client: Really? That's awesome! I wish I would have known, because I would have returned your messages!
Me (internally): RAAWWWRRRRRGLLLGEBHGHGHGHGGGGGGRARRRR!
I talked them into recording on their phone. They sent me a blurry video recorded at 13 fps.
Me: Based on what you've described, I recommend a WordPress site for your business.
Client: I don't know...
Me: What's your concern?
Client: Can you really make a decent site just in Word?
I was in the process of meticulously typesetting a 60-page document in InDesign when the client reached out to me:
Client: Why is this taking so long? Just hit "justify" and move on.
A client used our regular monthly meeting to launch a surprise contract review.
Client: I’m not happy. I need to see more creative ideas from you. Looking back at this year, you’re just doing the basics. Our marketing should be more professional and better coordinated.
Me: I programmed a year-long strategic program for you. You declined virtually all of it. The contract was thinned out to what I do now at your request. I have it all right here in writing if you’d like to see it.
Client: What happened in the past is not relevant here.
A "those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it" moment from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: Is the email mailer ready?
Me: Yes, ready to send.
Client: Will it be responsive?
Me: You only sent me an image, so it will work in all browsers.
Client: Will it look like this?
He shows me an email from a fashion company, with a completely different design.
Me: No. It’s based on the design you sent.
Client: Well, I assumed you’d make it like this.
Me: I can do it again if you want. What we have his similar to that example.
Client: But will it be the same as my original design?
Me: No, because they are different designs.
Client: Well it MUST be possible. It’s digital. Anything is possible in digital.
A "technology is magic" moment from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: Right, so how do I email the internet to the printer?
Proof that there ARE stupid questions from the Clients From Hell archives!Email the internet