They are only for my website, so I don’t need the full quality files. If I only take like a 4.5Mpx version of each photo, can I pay you a quarter of the price?
Client: I was thinking, could we get gold staples for the program?
I check with the printer.
Me: No, sorry, it’s not going to be possible. They can only do silver staples.
Client: Oh, that’s alright. What do you think about slipping some wax paper under each staple and coloring them gold?
Me: For 400 programs?
Me: For tomorrow?
Me: Will I be getting paid for the time?
Client: No, of course not - that’s only, like, a hundred staples.
A client came to my office to discuss an ongoing project. She brought her one-year-old, who was very grumpy. She didn’t think to bring any toys, so the infant began playing with various things on my desk. When I left the room to get some samples, the infant had grabbed a sharpie and proceeded to draw on my walls while the mother texted someone on her phone.
Me: Dear Client, please fill out our online form to setup your project. No matter what, please DO NOT attach anything to the form. Our server is acting up right now and attachments are causing issues. We are working to fix this, but can’t be certain it will be fixed by day’s end.
The next day…
Client: Hi, I submitted the form yesterday but didn’t receive confirmation. Did you get it?
Me: No. Did you attach something to the form? That might be the issue.
Client: Yes, I attached our logo. I wish you would have warned me that there was an issue with attachments because now I’ve wasted my time and have to do this all over again, and as I stated earlier (and I expect you to actually read my emails), I don’t like wasting my time.
I’m trying to set up a phone conference with a client whose website I’m designing. I had sent him an email with my availability the day before. Note: I have a part time day job that I do my freelance work around.
Client: I need you to call me tomorrow at noon so we can go over more website details.
Me: Unfortunately, as I mentioned, I’m unavailable at that time tomorrow. How about 5pm? Or I’ll be available all day Thursday.
Client: No. None of that will do. Tomorrow at noon.
Me: Unfortunately, that is outside of my posted office hours, which I sent to you on Monday. You could always email me your requests, and I can contact you about them on Thursday?
Client: I don’t want to contact you on Thursday!
Me: Can I ask why Thursday won’t work for you?
Client: Because I don’t want to have to call you outside of my normal office hours!
I had notified a client three times that I would be away for the week following my wife’s surgery, beginning two months prior to the surgery, and one last time the week before. Each time he sounded surprised, but just as concerned about her health. Imagine my own surprise on the morning of the second day of my wife’s convalescence:
Client: Are you there? My contact’s really anxious to get their site moving. Can you get started on provisioning the server?
Me: No. I’m not available for at least five more days.
Client: What? This is critical for me!
Me: My wife’s on vicodin and the baby’s teething.
Client: So by tonight at least?
I’m not a professional graphic designer. I work in a print shop and sometimes do work for friends and acquaintances. Somehow, my bosses found out about this.
Client: We’re thinking of getting new business cards made up. You can do that kind of thing can’t you?
Me: Yeah sure. I charge for it though.
Client: Ha! Nice one.
Me: No, seriously, I charge for it. Even my friends have to pay.
Me: Because it’s time-consuming. I don’t have much free time, so I charge people for eating in to it.
Client: Well, you can do it here while you’re at work.
Me: I normally charge around £350 for design work. I get paid a little over £7 an hour here.
Client: That’s a ridiculous amount of money!
Me: I think you’ll find it’s about half the price of what professionals will charge.
Client: £350 for an hours’ work? That’s insane!
Me: I can’t design anything in an hour. I can maybe doodle something for you, but I can’t design it properly in an hour.
Client: I was hoping you could do it in your lunch break.
Me: I’ll be having lunch in my lunch break.
Client: What’s so difficult? It’s only messing around with paint.
Me: Do you mean actual paint or MSPaint?
Client: Either or.
I’m a designer who made the mistake of giving a client some computer advice once. This story takes place over two years since I had worked with that client.
Client: Hey, how are you doing? You know, I seem to have a problem with my PC. I’ve tried everything, but it just isn’t working. No need for you to come here, I can bring it to you.
Me: You know, I’m busy at work, and I can’t really take a break.
Client: Yes, but it won’t start! What am I supposed to do?
Me: Take it to a service.
Client: No way! I’d have to pay for that!
A client requested some copy-editing and images, but my creative team was booked solid for the day.
Me: I received your request. Unfortunately, the whole team is busy today. We’ll respond to your request by 5pm.
Client: No, just make your team work faster. Thanks!