Client: This doesn't have edge. Can you make it smarter?
The following is an exact conversation I had with a client.
Client: The measurements for the sticker are 35mm x 35mm and 85mm x 85mm.
There are 2 sizes you need to do for the sticker.
The shape is circle.
We can do whatever shape we want as long based on this measurement given.
Me: But you specified that it should be a circle, so we can’t do “whatever shape we want,” right?
Client: Any shape as long as is the measurement given.
Me: So does it need to be a circle?
Client: Don’t need.
Me: Just to double-check, you said that it should be a circle, but now you’re telling me that it doesn’t have to be, right?
Client: Don’t need to be circle.
Client: I love everything you have proposed, and the price seems reasonable. Let’s move ahead as quickly as possible!
Client’s husband: We are not doing any of that. It’s too expensive and we don’t need the work done!
At this point, they started bickering between themselves.
Me: here is my card. Talk amongst yourselves and please call me if you would like to go ahead, or if you have any questions.
The husband walked me to the door:
Client’s husband: We’re not going to call. You don’t have the job.
Months later, the client called:
Client: I’m surprised! It’s been a few months since we met and I haven’t heard anything from you regarding scheduling. I actually assumed the work would be done by now.
Me: Well no. Your husband told me you were not interested.
Client: Oh, don’t listen to him. No one else does.
This client had contacted me several months beforehand asking for information about commissions, yet never responded to the answer I gave them. Here's the latest correspondence:
Client: I'm looking to order a portrait. What are your prices?
Me: Thanks for your interest. Commission prices vary depending on size and commission type. Here's a link that gives detailed information about what formats and sizes I offer. Let me know what size you're interested in and I can provide you with further details.
Client: Don't know what you mean by 'format', but I'm looking for something somewhat big.
I get the impression that communicating with this client will be like pulling teeth.
I was a recording engineer for 40 years and I’ve had some strange experiences in recording studios, but without a doubt the strangest was one with a certain singer and songwriter famed for his purple themed world.
I was excited when I saw the booking to cut a single for him. So he walked in, handed me the tape, walked over to a corner of the room and proceeded to stare silently at me. For 3 hours. I tried talking to him, asked him what he wanted out of the record, what sort of sound he wanted, but he didn’t say anything, just stared.
Didn’t say a word.
For 3 solid hours.
I have been writing articles for a client for a long time, with no issues. Suddenly, my articles are being returned with lots of corrections needed, all in capitals.
Client: These articles are VERY IMPORTANT. Facts only! NO FLUFF. NO FILLERS. It should be of the HIGHEST QUALITY. I need this to be thoughtfully written.
Ok, it WAS thoughtfully written, but I was happy to rewrite. Sent in the revision, still no good..
Client: Please combine facts to one the best-ever review. NO FLUFF, facts ONLY.
I rewrite as cold, hard facts. NOPE.
Client: We’re VERY unhappy. We need it similar to THIS website
That would have been helpful in the first place. Anyway, I checked out the example website. It’s a first-person, conversational-style blog (with shocking syntax, spelling and grammar I might add). It’s pretty much just someone’s opinion-based review of the product.
So, BRB I guess. I’m off to THOUGHTFULLY write a conversational-style piece with only facts, no fillers, creating “one the best ever review.”
Client: We’ve got a last minute free ad booking with a magazine and need you to prepare a final artwork file for them.
Me: Sure, what are the ad specs, file requirements and when do they need it by?
Client: Why are you bothering me with these questions? Aren’t you supposed to be a creative agency? Use your creativity.
I run a small Fiverr Gig where I design low poly renders for clients, and one day I get a very simple order.
Client: Hello I would like a jumping kangaroo. The kangaroo is purple and the background to be green. I would like it setup like the bull. I would like it to look like “kangaroohopping01.jpg” but have included other materials as reference.
Me: Alright, I’ll get this out to you ASAP.
Client: Many thanks for your time on this.
Later that day:
Me: Here’s a first draft. Please let me know what changes you would like to see done, and I’ll do them immediately.
I tried contacting him 4 more times over the next two days. And when none of the contacts worked, I delivered the order, which took three days to finalize, because he would not confirm that it was done.
About two weeks later, I got a review.
Client: Good Experience, 3/5 stars on communication.
Client: Hi! I need the most awesome logo animation you can create. We have a budget!
Me: Okay! I’ll get to work right away.
Client: Fantastic. Here are some idea, our inspiration, and some other helpful materials.
Wow, the client even knows what they want. Nice!
Two days later:
Me: Here you go! I think it’s a pretty awesome animated logo.
Client: Nice! But the logo isn’t allowed to be animated… Can you make a logo without an animation in it?