Job posting on Upwork.
Client: Hello, I’m looking for an experienced Copyeditor and Line editor. If you also do a Developmental editing it will be a plus. My book is around 11 K words. Topic- Self-help. Time limit-2-3 days.
The following is a verbatim job posting I saw recently:
Client: I’m looking for someone to write high-quality concert annotations for a country music website. The candidate must have some expertise or be aware of the specifics of such kind of content. Your interest and familiarity with the country music world and desire to become a part of the project is highly preferable.
Client: I’m sorry I haven't paid you yet. It’s Chinese New Year, I’ve been super busy.
Me: Maybe, but I’ve been after you for three months. Chinese New Year isn’t three months long.
Client: I don’t want to pay the fees. Can you leave it up without fees?
About five years ago, I managed a small chain of language schools. In September, a lot of new students joined, so everyone in the office made calls to make sure we could process applications as quickly as possible.
Client: I want to study in a mini-group, and I can only make it Mondays and Thursdays, 1 p.m.
Me: Wonderful. We don't currently have any other future students who are interested in that kind of schedule, especially since that's the middle of the day and most people work office jobs. However, we can start a group with you. It means you'll be attending individual classes but pay the lower price for a mini group, and if anyone else with the same level of English can study on that schedule, they will join you.
Client. No, I am not interested in individual classes. I only want a mini group.
Me: There are currently two mini groups of this level, one at 6 p.m. Monday and Wednesday and one at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday and Thursday. Perhaps, you could find an opportunity to join one of them.
Client: No, I want one at 1 p.m.
Me: Unfortunately, there really are no other students so far interested in this schedule. However, there will be people signing up in the following weeks too, so perhaps somebody will want to join you.
Client: I don't want to wait, I just want a mini group at 1 p.m.
Me: (increasingly frustrated) Unfortunately, I cannot simply go ahead and find two to four other people who have the same level on English and happen to have free time at 1 p.m.
Client: Well this doesn't work.
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As an aspiring freelance travel journalist, I sent a story pitch and a story outline to an online magazine with a link to my online portfolio.
Client: Good stuff! This topic reminds me our beginning. We’ll gladly print this story.
Me: Wonderful! Can I ask – I didn’t see pay rates on the submission portal. What can I expect for finishing this?
Client: Oh, we never pay for a new author’s first story. It’s policy.
Me: If it’s policy, you could put that online before people go through the effort of submitting.
We never spoke in person, but I could FEEL their shrug through space and time.
Client: We are having issues sending and receiving emails to one partner business specifically. Please resolve this issue.
Me: Are you receiving any error messages back?
Client: No, we need this issue resolved.
Me: I have tested email send/receive and it seems to be working. As well, we reached out to your email recipient. They verify they are receiving your email but have not had time to reply.
Client: This issue has been going on for a few weeks. Please just resolve it.
I work as a freelance translator. A new client needed his model invoice translated into another language.
Me: I see you’ve provided a non-editable PDF format of your invoice. Can you send me a version I can edit? It looks as if the original was created in Excel or Word– I can work with either format.
Client: Why do you need it?
Me: Well, if I work from this I will have to recreate the format from scratch, including cutting and pasting a low-res version of your logo. Having the original will help me produce a high-quality version for you.
His reply was an empty email with an attached Word file. In the document, the invoice was pasted as a JPEG.
I work for a design agency that hosts client websites and wonder how people function on a daily basis.
Client: I am having issues with my email. They were all there on Tuesday. Now they are all gone. This has been happening for some time that my emails disappear on Wednesdays.
Me: Do you have your inbox sorted by days of the week?
Me: Push the + button beside the word Wednesday to open the inbox.
Client: Why did you change this?
Me: I cannot change how your email is sorted in your email client.
Client: Well, we will see if this resolves the issue. If not you’ll be hearing from me again.