I work in customer support and take abuse all day long.
Client: F*** you.
Me: Ouch, that’s not nice.
Client: Sorry, I’ve been having a bad day, I guess I shouldn’t take it out on you.
Me: (internally) YOU THINK!?!?!?!
It's a new year. Treat yourself with an enormous bundle of elements that will transform your designs for 2020.
This bundle features all sorts of elements that will elevate your style: cute metallic textures, watercolor illustrations, logo templates, 90s-esque abstract shapes, isolated flower photos and more. The elements in this package won't replace your style - it will complement it, and push you to even greater heights while saving you time. And, as we all know, time is money.
Normally everything here would cost $294, but this week it's just $14. Save 95% and buy it today.
For a week now I have been designing food label templates for the local bakeries. I've put in a lot of effort for them to look professional; I made stylish illustrations, used professional fonts like Lobster and Bernier, and, and carefully balanced elements like calorie information with the main selling points.
Client: Get rid of the pics and put it all in Comic Sans.
I lost my faith in humanity that day.
I work for a company that installs custom made desks for manual labor.
Me: I'm just following up on the installation we made last week at your factory so we can tie things up before your final payment.
Client: We are still reading through the documentation and validating the installation, please call me later next week.
Weeks pass. I keep calling, they don't respond. Finally:
Me: Have you finished your evaluation?
Client: Sorry, but last week we sold everything on the factory floor to someone. You should be able to get your payment from him.
Me: Uhhh... no. This was not agreed to and is a breach of contract.
Client: Oh no, no, no, no. We still have everything on the factory floor. We were thinking you could come and take it back. We were just showing the new owner what he could do with the space when he moves in. Like a work in progress exhibit.
Me: So you sold the desks to the new owner, but you want us to come pick them up so you don't have to pay for them?
Client: YES! You still have time to pick them up, and then the new owner will buy them back from you. He will want them installed at his factory right away.
Client: This is good business for both of us.
Me: Expect a message from our lawyers.
I recently started a side gig making miniature terrain pieces. The client I was working with has experience doing the same thing but hired me as he didn't have time to do it himself.
Me: So I'm going to do this part with the guided cutter so its easier to install the decorative pieces.
Client: It's not necessary to use the guided cutter for everything, just use the handheld piece so it looks more natural.
Me: Okay, but It's not going to look as nice
I then sent the test piece of the horrible result to get confirmation before moving on. Which he did. So I sent the test piece again with the decorative pieces (showing just how bad it looked).
Client: Perfect. Go ahead and finish them up.
The next day, after I'd already started painting;
Client: These cuts look horrible! which tool did you use for them!?
Me: The handheld cutter, like you asked me to.
Client: Why did you do that?! The cuts aren't clean at all!
Me: Yes, that's why I wanted to use the guided cutter.
Client: You should have just used a knife!
The space wasn't big enough to fit the knife...
And to top the whole thing off. The client was my dad. Who taught me how to do this job.
I use to have a side business with my ex-husband when we were married. We split up years and years ago, and he retained that business.
Today, I was contacted by a former client. It has been at least 15 years at least since I did work for them.
Client: You built my website, and I need changes.
Me: I'm sorry, but you will need to contact my ex-husband, he is the sole owner now.
Client: No, I want you do it.
Me: I haven't worked on websites in over 15 years. I wouldn't know where to start building one today.
Client: That's impossible. The internet hasn't even been around for 15 years!
I emailed a client requesting they approve a Facebook Ad. After a week I emailed them again.
Me: Hey I emailed you a week ago requesting you approve a Facebook Ad. You might not have gotten it.
Side note: I know they opened it, I have a mail tracker.
Me: Here’s the link for you to approve. Please let me know. Also, please confirm you’ve received this email.
Client: YOUR EMAILS ARE COMING THROUGH MY SPAM!
Me: I’m sorry about that.
Again: they saw and opened my emails.
Me: Please green list us and that should fix the issue. Did you see the Ad? What did you think?
Client: (no response, ever)
My mail tracker confirms they opened my last email soon after I sent it.
First day on-site with a new client. At reception the team leader arrived to take me to my desk. She greeted me with a scowl and en route to the desk she stopped because she really needed to tell me something.
Client: We are very religious in this team and we have rules: There’s no cursing or taking the lord’s name in vain.
In other words: welcome aboard, sinner!
Client: I’m sorry, but the search feature on [our Intranet site] is terrible!! I can’t find anything!
Me: I’m sorry to hear that, can you give me an example of what you’re trying to find?
Client: Well, I’m trying to find the address for my dentist, but when I put his name in nothing comes up!
Me: Erm, the INTRANET site search is for finding documents that we use internally. I think you are confusing it with a search engine, like Google.
Client: Well, that’s just stupid! What good is a search feature if it doesn’t give me what I’m looking for?
In retrospect, it was a lesson learned. I renamed our search box to say “Search the Intranet” instead.