Client: I found this image in a magazine, I’ve scanned it and sent it to you. I would like to use this as a banner on our website.
Me: Sir, but this is an image of Kylo Ren from Star Wars. It’s copyrighted material. How about we use a stock image instead?
Client: Nah, I got this from a magazine so it should be fine. I really like this image, plus it will appeal to the teens.
It was a website that sells printers.
Client: Okay! I'm about to check out for the weekend. Will this be ready by Monday?
Me: I'm also taking the weekend off, so no.
Client: I thought freelancers all worked seven days a week.
A former friend from a church I used to attend approached me and asked if I was still doing graphic design.
Client: Can you please design a logo for me?
Me: Of course! What are you looking for?
Client: What do you mean?
Me: What kind of logo do you have in mind? Text, Shape, form, color, Bible verse, if any?
Client: That's the thing. I don't know what the logo should look like. Ask God to show you and He will. I'll pay you when you're done.
Me: ...?
I dedicated 10 hours to sketching some things as a way to "search for God's guidance." I sent her emails and text messages with pictures of my progress and I never heard from her again.
I doubt she will pay me for those 10 hours of experience. Next time I get asked to ask God for guidance, I want the money upfront.
Amen!
I both love and hate working with musicians.
Me: I'm pretty busy right now, this might take me 2, even 3 weeks at this point. Is that okay?
Client: Yeah man, I totally get it, what with the pandemic and all. That's all cool, we're not really in a rush.
About 10 days later on a Sunday...
Client: Bro WE ARE ON DEFCON-4 WITH THIS, we need it SOON!
I crank it out. Radio silence for more than a week.
Client: Sorry dude, mental physical and spiritual health week. No phone max chill total escape.. sent the stuff to the guys get back to you soon always nice to have options. Thanks again man!
Wouldn't want DEFCON-4 to interfere with Spiritual Health Week.
I worked in an office where all the phones were connected. If you didn't answer a call, it would divert to the next phone, and the next, and so on. On this day I was the only person left in our part of the office as it was standard to have one person stay back at lunchtime in order to cover the phones while everyone else was out. I was the second-in-command in our marketing department and at this time was working on an advertising campaign for the Guardian newspaper with an ITV television spot, so I didn't mind working through lunch to get it finished.
The CEO only worked in our office once a week and was a fairly well-known personality in our industry. Thus, people often tried to get his attention to invest in things or help their family members start a career. On this day, a call for his phone came through to mine...
Caller: Hello, can you put me through to [CEO]? He's expecting my call.
Me: (knowing this is a lie, because CEO never works in the office on this particular day) I'm afraid he's not here at the moment.
Caller: Right, can you give me his mobile number? I'm a close personal friend so he won't want to miss my call.
A close personal friend who doesn't have his personal number? Sure.
Me: We're not able to give out his personal number, but I can put you through to his other office in case he's there.
Caller: Just put me through on his direct line, he's expecting me.
Me: I can't do that from here as it's not an internal number, we need to direct you through reception at the other office.
At this point I'm thinking the guy is trying it on and knows he won't get through a receptionist because he doesn't know the CEO at all and doesn't have an appointment. I'm already determined not to give him anything, but then he digs himself even deeper.
Caller: What's a little girl like you doing answering his phone, anyway?
Me: Excuse me?
Caller: Little girls shouldn't play with the boss's phone. Put me through on his direct line or you'll get in trouble!
Me: Okay, have a nice day, sir!
I cheerfully hung up. Thankfully, he didn't call back.
I'm a freelance voice actor and get my fair share of bad Customers. Many of them don't have a clue about the job and thus don't offer to pay fair prices.
Client: Hi There.
Me: Hi. What can I do for you?
Client: Came across your gig and I like your voice! Would love to have you for my Project.
Me: Thank you. I appreciate it. Tell me about the Project.
Client: I want to start a YouTube channel on health, I wanted to know if you can do a voice-over, I will provide the script. Each video will be about 10 Minutes. I will pay you per video. Can you do that?
Me: I can do that. My rate depends on how much text I will need to record for each video and the Rights Buyout. Before we move forward, what exactly is your budget for the project?
Client: I'm looking at $5 per script
Me: Oh. Good luck with that.
Client: Thank you! So when can you start?
I didn't respond and sincerely hope, no one will take that job offer. This is a joke.
Me: What color would you like for this design?
Client: Lime green.
Me: Okay! Sounds like you have a specific shade in mind. Can you send me a reference photo?
The client sent a photo of limes.
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I found this guy on Craigslist a few months ago asking for an illustrator for his book for prices that were basically laughable. I reached out with some suggested prices that were still extremely, extremely cheap. Then this little debacle happened:
Client: I hope you are doing well. I am not one to “beat around the bush” so let me get straight to the point. You have sent me 3 emails and I will address each one within in this email response. Before we begin, I want you to understand, I am using this as a teaching moment and I hope that you are not offended by my words, but I understand it is likely to happen and I apologize in advance. I know you do not know much about me, but I do have a Business Management Degree and I run my own business. When I said I would help you become a professional artist, I meant it. Part of that process will be how well you handle critics and how well you take that information and either improve your crafts, or simply give up and become like the majority who gave up on their dreams and now live a monotonous life of get up and go work for someone else (making the business owner wealthy in the process), wondering why they’re not happy with their existence.
Your first email:
“Thank you, sir! But I would to be paid per drawing this time & I’d like to negotiate the prices. Please let me know if these are fair for you:
B/W sketch- $5
Colored drawing- $15
Book cover- $25
I find your request to renegotiate your options to be quite rude, hint at a level of greediness, and based on a complete lack of understanding of our business relationship. Therefore I do not accept your offer and believe the price quotes to be outrageous.
I do not believe you truly understand our business relationship. I am not your boss, I am your customer. My part in this business relationship is writing stories, your business is creating illustrations. If I hire you for a job, you are a cost to me with a certain value amount, and I am your customer paying you for a service that you provide. In order to receive any form of payment, the value (need/want) must always exceed the costs. This is true in every transaction that every happens. For example, you pay for food because the value (or need/want) is greater than the cost (the amount of money or the feeling of being hungry). When you choose to purchase anything, it is because the value (or need/want it fills) is greater than the cost (the money or your desire to be without the need/want).
You have requested an increase of what you will cost me (your pay) by a total of 225%, but you have not increased your value to me by 225%, or even by anything for that matter. Requesting a raise by a specific dollar amount is how mundane people do it, and are almost always denied. Request a raise by a percent and then justify it with why you deserve the percentage increase. Let me clear this up for you… I have in my contact list over 25 different artists from all over the world who responded to my ad. These artists have a tremendous more amount of skill than you do and by this I mean they have each sent me links to their websites, various commissions, and examples of their skill which ranges from 5-15 different styles of drawing, depending on the artist. This means at the lowest level, you are competing on a world-wide market, and your competition can draw anything from stick-figures to still-life, and from Manga to 3D rendering, which includes actual animation sequences. Have you increased your skill level by 225% so that the increase in pay you demand is justified? Have you added 225% more to your repertoire of different drawing styles and techniques? Remember, you have only shown me variations of one style and openly admit not being able to draw some things, curly hair, buildings, horses, things in motion, etc. In order to request additional money, you must increase the value of your service. There are 3 criteria in which you should excel before you ever request a raise from any employer or justify an increase in cost to your customer…
This tirade continued for another 700 words. He was so offended at the thought of paying $25 for hours of work that he wrote an entire TEDx lecture.
I do a little video editing as a hobby, not as an actual job, but it’s something I’m moderately good at.
My class in college was hosting a party and the people responsible for it wanted to hire a guy to make a short promotional video for it. They were complaining that they couldn’t find anyone who charged less than $200, and then one of them remembered I do this kind of thing.
Client: Can you make a quick little video?
Me: Sure, but I’m not a professional, so it definitely won’t come out looking professional.
Client: That’s okay! We just don’t have the 200 bucks to spend on this!
Me: Oh, well, I’m only gonna charge you a ticket to the party!
Tickets were $50.
Client: …But you do this as a hobby.
Me: Yes, but it’s gonna take time and effort, and I’m just asking for the price of actually going to the party.
Client: You know, you’re really lacking in school spirit. If you’re not gonna do this for free, we might as well hire a guy and pay the $200. At least it’ll be high quality.
They ended up not hiring anyone and there was no promotional video. The party, predictably enough, flopped.