Client: How do I log in to Google Analytics?
The client works for an online marketing agency.
Client: We need a 4' x 10' banner printed by tomorrow. We have everything designed.
Me: Ok. Just send over a full-scale copy of the design in either a .tif or vector file and we should be fine.
Client: When you say full-scale, what do you mean? Because we just have a few different logo files.
Me: So the banner isn't designed?
Client: Well it's not designed per se, but it's really simple!
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I sent a sample of my music to a client as an mp3 file in an e-mail, so he could hear some of my latest work.
Me: Here’s an example of my work.
Client: I love it. Can you send me a copy?
Me: (completely flabbergasted)
I worked as an in-house designer for a couple of weeks. After those weeks, the marketing coordinator decided to leave the company and start a coffee shop in her neighborhood. She asked me if I wanted to design her visual identity and collateral. I said yes.
I usually do 3 rounds of revisions until we have something concrete. We agreed on a look, she gave me logos she liked and set up a mood board. So far, so good.
After 2 months of exploration and presentations, she was not liking any of the logos.
I showed her tons of explorations with Coffee + Mid-century modern look. Nothing was pleasing the client.
After my 3rd round of revisions, while I was already defeated, the client went on an online logo builder, designed her own logo and showed it to me.
The logo now had nothing to do with coffee and had diamonds on the background of the type.
Client: See, it’s not that hard. I could do this job.
She decided not to pay me for my services and the time spent on developing good solutions for her business.
I took legal action was taken and got paid, fortunately.
I had a client here in Canada setting up a Woo store with a shipping plugin, which uses metric to calculate accurate shipping rates with the Canada Post API.
He entered all the shipping dimensions in inches and weight in pounds. The CM and KG units were clearly labeled. He also put the dimensions of the products, not the dimensions of the shipping boxes as asked (he bought a bunch of boxes). As a result, it calculated the wrong price.
Me: The units are too small. Your shipping box is only 2 centimeters wide?
Client: No, the product is two inches wide.
Me: You have to enter the dimensions in centimeters of the shipping box.
Client: That's kind of r****ded, isn't it?
Me: No, they want to know how big the shipping box itself is. It will make sense once you get the hang of it.
Client: But we don't even use centimeters. That's metric. Canada's an imperial country!
Me: No
Client: I need you to download this PDF as an mp4 file.
The usual routine of checking my inbox got interrupted by a series of short, angry emails from a client.
Client: Do not email me ever again.
Client: I don't care what you think.
Client: Your whole business is a joke anyway.
Client: All the office are talking about you.
Client: You liar. Absolute complete liar.
Client: Consider yourself blocked.
Me: I'm sorry but I have no idea what this is about. Why am I being blocked?
Client: No not you.
This client asked me to work on a print project for her Association. She asked a week and a half in advance of printing.
Client: Can you design a brochure for a college event?
Me: Ok. Let's quickly discuss your goals for the project. Also, I'll need you to send me the information to be included and any photos.
The client proceeds to micromanage every detail of the project, from the layout to how it would be printed. She insisted on placing many paragraphs of text on relatively small areas of the layout.
The paragraphs of text were coming from other people, so it would have taken more time to have the paragraphs edited with their permission, and the deadline was fast approaching. It was miserable.
Me: I wouldn’t have designed it this way…. But if it’s what you really want….
The deadline to print the project arrives.
Client: Well, now it doesn’t look very good. But I guess we’ll have to go with it.
I was a graphic design student in my last year of school, but I often worked with audio/video so many people knew me to be handy with recording projects. A classmate knew I had some skill so he asked me to help him record narration for an animation he was working on. Not a problem, or so I thought. Keep in mind he wanted to do this in one day. He was a friend so I thought it would go quickly.
Me: Ok, I brought my microphone, computer, and headphones. Let's get started!
Client: Thanks, this should be easy.
It wasn't. Every time he recorded a line he wanted to hear the playback. Because of his own frustration, he decided to record each line three times and choose the best take later. This took a good hour.
Me: Sounds like we're almost done.
Client: Right...with the first page.
Me: Ummmm, what?
He started reaching in his schoolbag and brought out a small collection of lined notebook paper. All together he had 6 pages, front and back. The one side we had just completed took so much time that I didn't think he had more.
Client: Now we can really get serious!
Me: ...Right.
I worked as fast as I could to finish and get out of there so he could do all the edits himself later. The worst part was, after a couple of hours during our self assigned breaks, he would write more lines down. We started recording at 4pm and finished around 10pm.
Lesson learned.