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I work as an admin in the southeast US. I made a call today to a vendor (a small, privately-owned, hardware store). I called them to check about an error.

Me: Hi, I think we might have gotten a credit memo by mistake, the person who signed for it doesn't work here, and the PO number doesn't match anything in our system. I have the invoice number if you need it.

Client: You got a credit memo?

Me: Yes, but I believe it was sent to us in error. [repeats reasoning]. Do you need the invoice number? I have it here.

Client: Do you have an invoice number?

Me: ...Yes.

Client:You should have an invoice number, it should start with A123.

Me: Yes, I have it, it's [full number].

Client: Yep, that's the invoice number. Says here it was issued to [says a company name similar to ours, but not the same.]

Me: That must be the confusion, we're [Other Company Name].

Client: So your name isn't on the invoice?

Me: Well, it is, in the Bill To and Ship To sections, but I think that was entered by mistake. Someone probably just searched the other company and came up with us.

Client: So wait...this isn't your invoice?
 
Me: *Sigh*
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A non-profit I work with had an upcoming fundraiser and they needed a 24x36 inch poster. All my fundraiser designs have high res graphics, but I sized the PDF down for email and sent it. It's still fairly large, 

Client: I think there is something wrong with the size. If this is the stand-alone event poster why is the file so big?

Me: It's high-res, and high-res graphics mean a heavier file.

Client: Can you make it smaller?

If I could without losing quality, don't you think I would have already?

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I requested that a client give me access to their social media profiles so I could access them.

The client sent over instead a spreadsheet of user/passwords. Or so I thought.

It WAS a spreadsheet, technically, but it was also a PNG screenshot of another spreadsheet, embedded into one cell. 

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Client: I don't like the design.

Me: You did yesterday!

Client: People grow. 

Me: In a day?

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Client: We're a boutique digital media company and we need a WordPress site.

Me: Sure, I can help with that! Do you have a theme picked out?

Client: We've found a few that look good.

Me: Great. Once you've decided on a theme I can go ahead and customize it with your assets. I'll follow up with an estimate.

Client: Sounds good.

We agree to a scope of work.

Client: On second thought, we need a custom CMS and a custom WordPress theme modeled on this major cable network's home page. Is this within scope?

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I was working for a client to install a sign. One of their clients stopped by while I was there and left. 

Client: She was cute, wasn't she?

Me: I guess so, yeah.

Client: It's better when they're cute. It's no fun when clients are old or fat.

WTF? Why share? 

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I was working on an ad for an area hospital using a photo that depicts a married couple with a child sitting on a porch. In the photo, the husband was white, the wife was Asian.

Client: The ad design looks great! But we're not sure about the photo you chose.

Me: If you want, I can search for a different photo, or if you have a different photo in mind, I can replace it with that one.

Client: It's just that the wife doesn't match our target demographic. Could you maybe find a different face and Photoshop it over hers?

Me: ...I'm sorry could I what now?

Client: Could you find a different face and replace hers with it? Maybe someone more in our demographic? We don't want to lose such a perfect photo.

I'm sorry to admit that I proceeded to make up a bunch of reasons why it would be much more affordable for them to just pick a different photo, INSTEAD of calling them out for being grossly racist, which is what I wanted to do.

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I increased my hosting charge months ago after being told by the hosting company I use that hosting will be going up. It should be noted that I make about $3 per month on each account that I have. 

Client: I received your recent invoice. You have been charging me $8 per month, not $11 per month, for my web hosting for *website* so please correct that on your invoices. So I pay $48 every six months, not $66. Please correct your invoices.

Note: I have no idea where the "6-month" charge came from. My CC processor hits him every month.

Me: You're correct. I used to charge $8 per month. Take a look at the email I sent recently; the increase is due to an increase by the company I use to host all of my clients. Have a great day!

Client: An increase on your end is not an issue on my end. Please correct your invoice.

Me: I use a hosting company to store the code for your website. I don't actually have servers running in my home. If they increase prices on my end, I adjust accordingly.

Client: I agreed to pay $8 per month. I won't agree to more.

Me: You are welcome to explore other hosting options. Let me know if you find something cheaper. I'm happy to move your site. As long as you provide me with the user name and password I'll be able to log in to make the changes you request.

Client: If I changed, I wouldn't just hand out my user name and password! Any dummy knows NOT to give out this information! If you increase my rate, I will be looking and I won't be giving you this information!

Me: ...I'm really trying to work with you here. If you change hosts, I'll need to know your login credentials in order to work on your website.

Client: I will agree to pay $8 per month, as you promised me.

Me: Let me know when you find another host. I'll go ahead and move your website over to them.

Client: I have found another host. They are taking over my website and they have agreed to your current price! You have until *date 10 days from now* to agree or they will take over. Agree to the current price or you will lose me as a client. If you increase without my permission you will hear from my lawyer!

$3 a month, of course, is a litigious amount.

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We were migrating a massive official correspondence database from a completely outdated system to one that was just really clunky but cheap. The database included protected personal details in millions of pieces of correspondence and our primary worry was ensuring that the new system was as secure as we could make it.  We'd also decided on grounds of cost to stop storing the information on our own servers and use a commercial provider. As an end-user, I went along to the meeting where this was outlined:

Me: Thanks for explaining the new system, can you tell me where the servers will be located?

Client: There are no servers, it's on the cloud.

Me: No, there'll be servers, just not ours, but where will they be, and will they be backed up?

Client: It's on the cloud!

Me: The servers have to be somewhere. If we don't know, can we find out?

Client: It's on the cloud!

Me: The cloud's just a concept. I'd like to be sure we're not using servers based, say, in Russia?

Client: IT'S ON THE CLOUD!! STOP ASKING THESE QUESTIONS!

So I stopped. The Boss from Hell was the Director of Information Technology. 

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