Client: I didn't realize you were going to do that.
Me: I said I would in the proposal document.
Client: No you didn't.
I looked it up - I had, on page three. I showed the client.
Client: I didn't read that far. If you want someone to see something, make sure it's on the first page.
Me: Then why did you ask for a five-page proposal?
Client: To make you plan.
Client: I talked to my son and he says you're charging way too much for this. He charge less than half what you're asking for.
Me: Why don't you hire your son, then?
Client: Oh, he's awful.
I run the website and do marketing for a car dealership.
Client: Did (other manager) talk to you about the specials?
Me: No, what about them?
Client: There aren’t any on the website!
Me: Yeah because you guys haven’t given me any to put up
Client: We just got in trouble at our OEM meeting because we have no specials!
Me: I don’t have the authority to start creating discounts or promotions, you need to tell me what you want.
Client: [clearly trying to find a way to make this my fault but failing]
Client: What the hell! You overcharged me!
Me: I sent an invoice for what we agreed on.
Client: Bulls***. I'm looking at a bill for over four thousand dollars and we agreed on $500.
Me: Yeah, I sent an invoice for $500.
Client: Well then what the hell am I looking at?
Turns out it was his credit card bill.
Client: The site is in color... I didn't ask for that.
Me: Well, no, but it's in line with your branding. Is it wrong?
Client: It looks good, but I will NOT pay for the color. If it costs anymore, I want this site in Black and White - and don't you DARE try to charge me more.
Client: I’m really not vibing with any part of this website.
Me: What's the problem?
Client: I don't like the copy.
Me: That's placeholder copy. What's the problem with the design?
Client: I dunno. Just not feeling it.
Client: Do you have Adobo Pictureshop? Or, what do you call it, Imp Design?
I spent two hours troubleshooting a computer problem with a client only to discover that the problem was a loose connection in the tower. I connected it firmly and it worked well.
Then I gave him the invoice.
Client: Why are you charging for two hours?
Me: That's how long it took.
Client: No, it took you two hours to FIND the problem. It only took you two minutes to fix it. I should only be paying for that.
A client wanted software developed with a tight budget. They decided to scrap the UX stage and "designed" it themselves to save money. I programmed and adjusted as requested.
Then when the software was tested and found to be confusing and counterintuitive:
Client: Why didn't you do any UX design?
Client: The site is down! What did you do?
Me: Nothing. It looks like the server isn't responding. That would be an issue with your hosting service, not the site itself.
Client: I was talking to my friend, and they said the problem might be if you updated a plugin or didn't update a plugin.
Me: Oh yes.
Client: So did you?
Me: Update or NOT update a plugin?
Client: You did something.