I've spent and charged a ridiculous amount of time to a client regarding a set of icons meant to communicate the speed and direction of a vehicle being displayed on a map. I kept pushing for a clean, easy to read design, the client kept asking for messy, ugly features that muddied the information.
I finally thought we were ready to wrap up the design and then I got this feedback...
Client: Can we have speed lines coming off it, similar to this image?
Attachment: .jpg
Two people I knew were setting up a podcast and asked if I would like to be involved. One of them already had a successful web series, so I was confident things would pan out.
I offered to design a logo for free since I was going to be a key member of the project:
Client: No, no. We'll pay the market rate.
I was thrilled. Eventually, we settled on a design we were all happy with.
A few weeks went by when I didn't hear anything. I posted several messages in the Slack chat we had created for the podcast.
Me: Hi, guys, just wondering where things on your side?
I didn't get a response. In fact, I never heard from either of them again. It turns out that the two of them were dating when they came up with the idea for the project and I had no idea. The silence in the Slack corresponded to what had apparently been a very messy breakup. They were no longer on speaking terms. Needless to say, the project didn't go anywhere. I never did get paid.
I once volunteered (I know, I know) to make posters advertising a pantomime production to raise money for charity. I had some friends acting in the show and thought it would be a nice thing to do, so I signed up.
I asked for the information and the vibe they were going for and started designing. A few days later, I got an email.
Client: We've just secured the artist we're using for the poster art, they'll send you a copy of the artwork as soon as it's finished!
This was the first I'd heard of any artist, but it meant less work for me if all I had to do was put the text on the image, so I readily agreed. Little did I know that was only the beginning.
Artist: I've finished the artwork, when would you like to come to pick it up?
This was the first I'd heard about having to pick it up. They lived quite a way away and there was no way I could afford to travel to collect one piece of art for a volunteer project.
Me: Could you scan it instead?
Artist: I don't know how to scan images, is a photograph okay?
By this point, the play was about two weeks away, so I just agreed and spent the day trying to clear up a shaky photograph and added the text. I sent it into the client.
Client: Great, now can you set up the ticketing? Also, can you send these to a printer and have them printed onto A3 gloss paper? Also, we've made you an administrator on the play's Facebook event page, can you update it and post photographs/bios of the actors?
Me: I didn't agree to do any of that. I don't even have enough information to set up the ticketing, only you can do that. I'm not organizing the printing either but I can recommend a reputable printer.
I even arranged for someone else to take photos of the actors and upload bios of the actors. After all that, I thought I was done. A couple of days later, however, I got another email.
Client: The posters have arrived! They look great! Please come down later today and post them around town. The production is soon!
I was blown away that they thought this was part of my job.
Still, because of a mixture of incredulity and desire to have someone actually buy tickets to this pantomime (it was for charity after all), I actually did go down to the theatre with a friend and spent the afternoon walking around town distributing posters.
Never again.
Client: I want this to logo to look classy. Elegant. Like Disney. Can it have stars, and a moon? I want it to be clever. Do you know the golden ratio? Do you use the golden ratio in your designs? I want you to look that up. Can all the letters look like musical notes?
I was working for a mid-size marketing company as their sole Graphic Designer and Developer, both for in-house and client work. As requested I built a quiz/survey product for them that we could quickly turn around and sell on to clients as a "bespoke" product, somehow managing to develop a v1 inside of 5 days whilst handling all my other usual tasks. It was a working product, including a whole library of custom CSS animations and a whole host of other features. I proudly presented this to the director.
Client: ...Where's the rest of it?
Me: The rest of it?
Client: I could have got some guy in India to build this for £5... It's taken you 5 days, that's cost me £3000!
Me: (ignoring the brazen insult) ...Not really. It's cost you a week of my wage, as this was built internally for our product line and not for a client in particular. That money can be made back in 1 order at your rates, by the way. And besides I could have turned it around quicker if I wasn't covering other projects during that time.
Director: I don't think you're THAT busy.
Me: ...
Soon after this meeting, they decided to let me go (despite my manager and other managers contesting the decision as a bad idea). Then I saw 2 job openings for the company, 1 for a developer, and 1 for a graphic designer.
They needed two people to replace me, but I "wasn't THAT busy"?
Client: My designer is a guru. She doesn't need spot colors. She knows how to make her own.
Me: O_o
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I was designing a local newspaper advertisement for a restaurant. The client wanted a large photo of their restaurant so it would be easier to find.
Client: On the window it shows our Food Hygiene Rating of 2 stars. That doesn't look good for the advert so can you Photoshop 5 stars instead?
Me: That's not only dishonest, but illegal.
Client: So what? We deserve 5 stars.
Client: We need a promotional video for our company
Me: Okay...?
Client: We want you to film and edit it. We have a camera.
I'm a web designer, not a film editor. In not even as photographer. This camera was not even new back in 2010.
Me: I don't think I'm -
Client: You can do it. Just film the area, a meeting and interview few people who work here. Then edit it.
Me: With what? I don't have editing programs.
Client: My son makes really cool skate board clips with MovieMaker, use that.
I tried my best, but it was awful. To my great relief I stopped working there and left the country before they presented the horrible thing to some clients of theirs.
I'm not saying that's the reason I left the country, but I'm not not saying it.
Client: We're an educational software company. We're in search of an animator who animates in either 2d or 3d. The first animation will be unpaid but the subsequent animation work will be paid at the rate you give us. What we want:
-- Experience in animation
-- Good time management
-- Good communication skills
-- No education needed!
Job Types: Part-time, Internship
Work Remotely/From home
Hours per week: 10-19"
Oh, sure! Let's give you free content, using our equipment, and then you'll move on to the next rube who doesn't know there's a Graphic Artists' Guild standard for ethical conduct and contracts?
How about no?
Their current website is just a placeholder, and I suspect their business model is too.