Client: I’d like a copy of the HTML source for my page.
Me: Well, if you go to your website, you can right-click on it and then select “View Source”.
Client: That sounds too complicated. Can you just send it to me?
A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!
Two weeks after the launch of a local small business site:
Client: You have just messed up my site big time! Your security is a joke! My home phone number, personal email address and physical address were just read out to me by a local conman who said he got it from my site. What did you do? Why didn’t you tell me I got hacked?
Freaking out just a tad, I immediately stopped my current job and undertook a few hours of checking server logs, searching for gaps in security, checking the database permissions, etc. Convinced her data was safe, I called back and explained I’ve checked everything and am confident her data is secure. I asked for more information about this scammer and their call.
I quickly deduced that the conman had just googled the business name, so I did the same, and the THIRD result was a local hobby group forum post where the client had given their website, email and phone number, home address, business name and other identifying information trying to sell some old sewing equipment.
Client: So you’re just going to mansplain to me and blame me for YOUR lack of internet security awareness?
Speechless.
Initial contact was 3 logo concepts and 2 revisions for each concept.
Me: Okay, those 3 logo concepts are done, and we made revisions on each of them. I think we're done here, please approve the payment.
Client: What? I didn't say they're done. Your job is done when I say so and I don't like those designs.
I sent screenshots of his texts about how he liked the designs.
n If you want me to continue working on concepts that would be paid hourly.
Client: I'm not going to pay you anything. I will if you create more concepts. Maybe this time with a mountain and Comic Sans font.
I was a fool and created more concepts so he wouldn't give me a 2-star rating.
He, in turn, changed his contact information and underpaid me.
Invoiced for a website in 2019, and two years later still wasn't paid.
Today I got a message:
Client: Can you send me the files? I saw you took it off our server.
Me: Sure, pay the invoice and I will send on.
Client: We don't have the money, but will pay you after its developed. We need the files urgently.
Client: I need this done ASAP, it can't wait!
Me: no problem, I'm on it.
Later:
Me: Hello? I've been trying to contact you for days! I thought you needed this last week?
Client: Sorry, I only work Thursdays and Fridays.
One of my favorite clients is an advertising agency I do freelance work for.
Client: Our new client has a gruesome logo. Could you try to come up with some other ideas? Just spitball ideas for an hour. If the client likes any of them, we’ll spend more time on this.
Sometimes, an hour is all you need because inspiration strikes. This was not one of those times. I had some decent ideas, but they all needed polish.
Client: Sorry, these won’t work. Thanks for your time.
The agency paid me for my time and we didn’t move forward my sketches – or so I thought.
A month later:
Client: We need additional material for this client.
Me: Sure thing. Could you provide me with the client’s colors and logo?
Client: Don’t you already have all that? Didn’t you design their logo?
Me: What?
I visited their website. The client had gone with one of the sketches. One of the rough sketches. With outlines and no color other than grey. I started to panic. I filled in my contact at the agency and we proceeded to question wildly how this happened.
Me: Oh god. Oh my god. Did they… they didn’t use it on their billboard, did they?
Client: I don’t want to talk about it.
A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!
I responded to a job listing for an audio engineer position at a podcast startup, offering fairly good pay.
After an encouraging call with the founder I went along to be shown the studio. As well as running audio for the podcasts, which is all the listing had discussed, he needed me to edit them all. He also needed my help to make the studio sound good – despite wanting to offer professional audio services to podcasters, the flat he had rented mainly consisted of a large, echoey room with two armchairs in it.
I was up for the challenge, but thought I could negotiate a better rate given the extra work. I opened my mouth to say something along the lines of "great! about my pay..."
Client: I can see what you're thinking. This is actually an unpaid position. I only put the pay rate in the listing because the form wouldn't let me leave it blank. I don't really have the budget for a team right now.
He told me this while we sat in a London flat he was renting out for a studio, along with around £5,000 of audio equipment he had purchased (and had no idea how to use).
I smiled and nodded until I got home. I eventually emailed him to let him know that for 40+ hours of specialist work a week people expect to be paid.
I still wonder if he found an audio engineer/editor, and if any podcasters hired out his studio that sounded worse than most bedrooms.
Client: Do you have time to take on a project tomorrow?
Me: I actually just had some space open up, so sure.
Client: Great! So will there be a discount?
Me: What? No.
Client: You must be happy to be filling up that time, right? I'm doing you a favor!
Apparently he'd never even heard of "rush fees."
Client: We are very disappointed that it took you an extra day to do this project.
Me: I understand. However, the project was nearly twice as big as what we agreed on, a fact I pointed out to you in advance. Additionally, the overall time I billed for this assignment was 25% less than what you originally budgeted – as always, you got more work for less money.
Client: Yes, well you have far too many errors in the copy and pictures you uploaded
Me: Per your storyboards and emails, the errors existed in the content that I was given. You made the content.
Client: Still, I feel you should give us a further discount for content errors.
A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!
A client I hadn't heard from in a few months got in touch with me out of the blue.
Client: Do you have anything to say to me?
Me: ...Hello, how are you doing?
It turns out, they thought that I'd been a bit rude when reminding them for my last payment (I'd say I was brisk), and hadn't been in touch to teach me a lesson.
Unfortunately for them, I'd been full up with clients who paid on time ever since and hadn't noticed.