A bride called and asked if the artist I work with can do oil paintings at her wedding. He does wedding paintings. She liked the ones on the website. They take 25 hours to do one.
Client: I want a painting of each guest they can take home as a memento.
Me: That's a massive job, and I don't think anyone on earth could do it.
She also complained that $2500 for an 18" x 24" oil painting was too high.
I fired a client one time because they screamed at me over the phone for "screwing up" a revision they'd asked for and totally miscommunicated.
I was at a major design conference the next year and noticed their name on a panel - they were discussing "how to build strong relationships with employees and contractors."
I actually attended for five minutes to confirm they weren't saying "here are my mistakes, learn from them." Nope! They just acted like a cool-boss guru type.
Client: You know, the only reason I hired you is because you were cheaper than the other bids I got.
Says the guy who self-published a book about the a-hole behavior he subjected his wife to, and how her love helped him overcome being an a-hole. True story.
Client: (texts) I need you to start working on another site. Please *lists full quota of information about colors, info etc*
Me: Do you want me to prioritize this over the other work you asked for?
Client: Stop texting me I'm on holiday
I was meeting with a client who was going over the details of their business plan.
Client: Sorry, that must all be gobbledigook for you. I forget not everyone is a business person.
Me: Oh no, I followed it all! I've been running my own freelance business for six years, after all.
Client: Right, but this is a REAL business.
I had a deadline coming up for a client I'd worked with for some time. The deadline was internal, and if it was put off it wouldn't massively inconvenience anyone. That week, my dog, Walter, passed. He'd been sick for a while and I knew it was coming, but I was devastated. I contacted the client via email to let them know that I was grieving and that while the project was in good shape, I might not be able to complete it by the end of the week like we'd previously agreed.
I wasn't expecting their response.
Client: I'm sorry for your loss, but that is unacceptable. Dogs die, and you just have to move on. You agreed to this deadline, and it's not my fault your dog was sick. You knew that when you took on this job. I expect you to be professional about this. And don't think I'm being a jerk about this - if it was your mother or someone I'd give you all the time you need, but this is a pet.
I guess paying someone three digits for a job gives you the power to determine what grief is legitimate.
Client: I want a social media campaign that helps bring people to our restaurant launch.
Me: Sure! When is the launch?
Client: Tomorrow.
I was recently hired on contract to do blog content for a company. I'd met with a number of contacts at the company who were all lovely, had a sense of the work I was doing, and ready to help me do a great job for them.
Then I met with the department head. I was initially hired by the marketing manager, who was great, but she was the director of communications and had stepped in to demand that she be my contact.
The meeting was a lot.
Me: Nice to meet you!
Client: So what do you have planned?
Me: Oh, here's what I was thinking.
I described the content strategy I'd developed in conversation with my previous contact.
Client: No.
Me: No?
Client: We're not doing that. We're doing this.
She laid out an entirely different marketing campaign on social media, implying that I would be taking photos and editing image macros - things that I don't really do.
Client: I've had arguments about this with [marketing manager] and I expect you to do what I say. I'm his boss, so now I'm your boss. This is the plan.
1) You're not my boss - you're my client. There is a difference. 2) Not for long. Clearly this whole situation is toxic and I'm going to get myself out as soon as I can.
Client: The photos in this brochure are pixelated.
Me: That's because you insisted I only use photos you gave me, and the highest resolution file was still only 120 kb.
Client: That's not my problem. Fix it.
A client asked for sales page copy. They sent a very precise template from a marketing guru which I spent three hours dissecting and followed exactly. I used copywriting standards while maintaining the brand voice i.e. lead with benefit, focus on the customer, concise text, call to action, etc.
They didn't respond at all. Eventually, their business partner reached out and told me "that's not exactly what she wants. I'm having the previous copywriter send you a template."
Me: Great! Happy to take feedback
Those templates: FOURTEEN PAGES of drivel, mostly talking about the client.
I spent a couple hours basically just free-writing anything that came to mind and delivered four pages of "inspiration porn."
Client: I love it! Can you add in these 4 other things about me?
I'm getting paid but I will never include these in my portfolio.