Client: You see where you have a full stop at the end of the first sentence?
Me: Yes.
Client: Can you change it to a comma?
Me: Er, well I can, but you should put a full stop at the end of a sentence.
Client: Oh, that grammar stuff is very old-fashioned.
Hoo needz grammer?, from the Clients From Hell archives.
Client: Last night I was sleeping and Jesus came to me in my dream and had this image in his hand. He said that he has blessed this image and this image only for the book. If I use any other image I am going against the will of our Lord.
That moment you realize your client might be Jesus, from the Clients From Hell archives.
The client is part of a project where we write blogs and provide a picture from one of three shared library sites (such as Pexels), meaning all photos are taken by a random person and uploaded to be used by anyone.
A blog completed on water heater repairs uses a picture of a water heater, sent to the client.
Client: Please replace image with one of water damage.
I sends a photo of damaged walls.
Client: What is this an image of? Burst pipes, dripping ceiling, water stains, flooded dining room or living room, etc.
I scour all three sites' libraries and find nothing. I send a photo of water on the floor with a black background, about as close as I can get.
Client: Why is it so difficult to get a proper image? This does not even come close to any of the instructions I provided.
Me: Because there aren't any images that come close to any of the instructions you provided on any of the three sites we're allowed to use. I'm doing the best I can.
Client: PLEASE REPLACE THE IMAGE WITH ONE THAT MEETS MY REQUEST!
I search again and somehow find an image of water on a garage floor that wasn't there before.
Client: Please use these [professional] links are reference for what we are requesting. I really do not understand why this is so challenging?
Me: Because regular people don't tend to share photos of their own flooded homes.
Even though the agreement was to produce hand-drawn wireframes for a client, I went the extra mile and created some clickable ones to help them understand some of the proposed user journeys for their new website. Before showing them the wireframes in a browser, I made sure they understood that what they were about to see was NOT A DESIGN. I laboured this point, and felt that they had acknowledged it fully.
I show the wireframes.
CEO: The design needs more wow factor.
This week's deal, is going to help you create amazing and customized scened and mock-ups that will take your design project over the edge!
With the Ultimate Mockup Bundle, you can easily create all sorts of unique scenes using over 2550 individual items in more than 8800 different positions. With amazing logo, print, iPad, and Apple Watch mockup packs and simple-to-edit with smart objects, you'll be wowed by the limitless combinations and how quickly you can put it together! We've even done some for you below:
Client: I need to pay this much? No, this is too much!
Me: Sir, we have talked about the payment two days ago. I told you, showing you how much the total is going to be and you agreed and signed the document.
Client: Yes, but I didn't know what I was signing, I didn't listen to you.
A client wants a new fully customized web page for free as she's already paying monthly service including Google Ads on that page.
Client: Hey I need a new page with the this background and text and photos attached.
Respose: Of course, I can create this for you but since this is a fully customized web page it will require additional payment of [amount] and it will be completed by tomorrow. Let me know would you like to proceed.
Client: Why do I need to make additional payment if I provided the text and photos and everything? You just need to add it to the page.
Response: Thank you so much for providing us with all the material and it's really great, but as we need to create completely customized page for this service this is not included in your package and requires three hours of additional work. Of course, if you wish you can create this using the editing system as well and here is the link with video instructions, including screenshots and if you need any help with it I'll be more than happy to do so.
Customer: After, reviewing the video I've made the payment, I think you'll do it better than I.
Client: Can you make each page on our website fade in and fade out when you click on a link? You know…like PowerPoint?
How to make your website fade out of existence, and other tips for self-destruction from the Clients From Hell archives.
I work for a company that makes signage in many different materials and sizes. There's one particular company that I and all of my coworkers dread hearing from.
At that company, there is one man who puts together all the files we base the signage off. He has a huge ego and is one of the most difficult people I've ever had to work with. It's not helped by the fact that usually, someone else places the orders with us, sends the files he's made, and they aren't always entirely clear on what they want.
The files they send are always partially vector and partially bitmap, meaning we can't use their files as is. On top of that, the symbols that are bitmap are so low quality they're maybe 8 x 8 pixels big. Luckily we have those generic symbols in vector format on our end. The black colours in the file are also different, some CMYK and some RBG. Honestly, the files are all over the place.
This has lead to a few misunderstandings and errors in production. To attempt to fix this, I once made the error of requesting better files.
Me: We are looking for better files where the colours are consistent and everything is in vector format, not a low-quality bitmap.
I should not have used the words "low quality".
I subsequently get a phone call from the man who makes the files, angrily chewing me out and claiming:
Client: I know what I am doing because I have years in the business!
I have clearly bruised his ego. I am polite and attempt to explain. After the call ends I sent him two files: the one we were sent from them and one where I'd fixed all the colours and changed bitmap to vector. I suggested he copy and paste the vector symbols into his files. He never responded to my email.
They still send us files with different blacks and bitmap images, only now they're in a slightly higher resolution.
I'm an illustrator/cartoonist, and my client owns a small kayaking hire company. He wants a series of cartoons demonstrating how to kayak safely, contrasting with disasters waiting to happen. It has already taken a while to extract from him whether they are to be online, print, or both; whether they're B/W or full colour - all that. I've already invited him to send me samples of the kind of thing he's after; I can work comfortably in a range of styles.
We're at the character design stage via a phone call:
Me: If you have any particular ideas about how they should look, e.g. tall/short, fat/skinny, smug/gormless then do let me know.
Client: "Don't mind, whatever you think best."
I submit designs. The feedback is from both him and his wife.
Client's Wife: Could we make them slightly more appealing to look at? I know that they’re supposed to be a bit dopey but they’re also a tiny bit ugly too! I think they might be easier to engage or identify with if they were dopey but charming! Let’s give them a bit more sex appeal!
Client: I had not wanted to return too quickly with “but they aren’t what I had imagined”. I had imagined slightly more caricatured bods!
Me: Many thanks for your feedback; I know that it can be difficult to describe in words the kind of look you were thinking of, and also the sense that ‘you’ll recognise it when you see it!'. It would be helpful for me if you could find online examples of the kind of style you were hoping for, and we can take it from there."
I'm not holding out much hope.