Client: I know it's the weekend, so have fun and let me know when you get this tomorrow.
Me: Thank you for respecting my weekend! You said "tomorrow," though - it's Friday evening. Did you mean Monday?
Client: Oh, I thought you'd relax Friday night and work Saturday afternoon.
This week's deal is on nearly 400 beautiful patterns and textures for only $8.
> They're gorgeous, and incredibly useful.
Whether you're designing products, packaging, or just need a bit of zazz for a background, you'll use these textures again and again. Ranging from tasteful watercolors to fun designs, one look and your mind will race with possibilities. These textures could be one of the most useful parts of your toolkit, and all 395 are under ten dollars.
Normally, every pattern in this bundle would cost $32, but this week you can save 75% and pay only $8 for the whole shebang.
On a recent project, we submitted a press package that included a stock image (JPEG photograph) of a coffee machine facing the camera. They came back at us with this feedback:
Client: We really like everything, just one thing is bugging us : Can you rotate the coffee machine photo so it will be in profile?
A hidden gem from the Clients From Hell archives.
Me: I will be unavailable during the next two weeks because of midterm exams.
Client: Okay, I completely understand.
Midterm exam weeks follow.
Client: I am disappointed in your lack of commitment to this project, I am terminating our contract.
Me: ...
Client: The image is a bit fuzzy… Can you make the pixels rounder?
A ridiculous request from the Clients From Hell archives!
In 1995, our small internet company called on a potential newspaper client, The Tuscaloosa Times.
Me: (Talking with a publishers exec. assistant) Is your newspaper being published on the World-Wide Web?
Client: I'm not sure but if it is, I doubt it's world-wide.
Client: Why is this font a different size?
Me: It's the title.
Client: Why is this a different size, then?
Me: That's a footnote.
Client: Shouldn't they be the same size?
Me: No.
Client: Make them the same size.
Me: ...
The client sent me two word documents with the same content, for me to use on the website.
Me: Both the documents have the same content. Am I missing something?
Client: Use the second document. The font is smaller
A ridiculous request from the Clients From Hell archives!
When I was just starting out as a website developer, I took a government-sponsored business course and met a few contacts through that.
My very first job was for a woman who already had a WordPress website, she just needed it 'tweaking' in exchange for a testimonial, which I was happy to do. One of the things she wanted me to change was the main colour of the theme. It was a dark teal, and she wanted dark blue.
I did the changes and let her know I was finished.
Client: I don't like it. Change it back.
Me: I'm sorry, I seem to have misplaced the original color code. Do you have it available?
At this point she started violently berating me, yelling over the phone and asking how I could be so unprofessional. Chagrined, I apologized and changed the color back to what was very close, if not the same, as the original. I sent her an email to let her know.
That was the last contact I had with her, she never acknowledged the email or gave me a review (probably for the best!), but I was kind of glad not to have to deal with her any more.
Years have passed since then. The other day I received an email from the same woman. It said in its entirety:
Client: can you do me a favor
I didn't even bother to reply.
Client: *spends an entire hour meeting detailing the investors interested in this company, the moving and shaking he's been doing to "disrupt the sector," criticizing competitors for missing the mark and messing it up and stating how he's going to fix everything and emerge the clear leader sooner rather than later and how the marketing campaign I'm going to provide is going to be the cornerstone of that success*
Me: Wow, very exciting. Based on what you're describing, I think you'll need a broad range of services. I'm going to suggest a retainer contract at $3,000 per month.
Client: I was thinking more like $500 total.