Not my client from hell, but somebody’s. I overheard the following on a public bus. The young woman behind me made a long and loud phone call, thus the one-sided conversation.
Client: Hey, I have a job for you!
Client: I need a flyer with our team and some of our opponents on it, it needs to show that there’s an important match in three weeks.
Client: We have 800 photos on our website. Just choose the best ones of our players and any of our opponents.
Client: I’m sure they are fine with it, it’s free advertising for them. But make them look weak. Our team needs to look powerful and dynamic. And the match has to look exciting! You are the designer, you’ll know what to do.
Client: As your reward you can also be on the flyer! You can look as important as the players!
Client: It doesn’t matter that you don’t wear a jersey, you are the designer! You can edit the flyer in a way that your clothes don’t show and you’ll look like part of the team.
Client: I don’t understand, what do you mean?
Client: I can pay you with a massage. *suggestively, suddenly not as loud* I can massage your neck, your back, your legs. We’ll see.
Client: Pay you money?
Client: …Yes, I do like my salary. But that’s completely different!
Client: Yes, I understand. But this is an opportunity, you should be happy! This is the perfect chance for you to be creative! Carte blanche, you can fill the whole space without any restrictions. I’m absolutely certain everyone will agree with whatever you design!
Client: …Why are you so mean?
She exited the bus, still on the phone, by then a bit more desperate. I truly hope the person on the other side hung up on her soon after.