I’m a web designer doing work for an international company. They wanted different versions of their site for different countries – not just translations, but entirely new looks and feels.

Client: Use our corporate colors: red, black, and white. Make sure to stick to this.

I got to work. Soon, though, they heard that Asian countries didn’t like the use of red – leaving only black and white in the branding colors they asked us to use. I accommodated and showed them a version.

Client: It’s good, but where’s the color?

Me: …

After much back and forth, they gave us a design from their artists. The color scheme? Purple, blue, and black.

Client: Why couldn’t you come up with something as good as that?

I recently worked with an Account Executive of a creative business on various painfully chaotic projects.

Their business didn’t seem to have a clear direction, with tons of dependencies to “figure out” what to do next in a variety of situations. Lots of shifting stories and egos.

One of the biggest red flags was that the Account Executive’s email font was in Comic Sans.

Big, bold Comic Sans.

And no, it had nothing to do with their overall brand message or identity.

In 2020, how does this happen?

A Client who was a "Marketing Director" (I use that term loosely in her case) asked me to design an e-mail campaign for her.

Client: I  want something more simple and modern looking than my old template. 

I had a couple of in-depth conversations with her, but she seemed to just want me to "go with it."

I created a few clean-looking designs for her review that were based on her brand colors and the overall business creative aesthetics.

She sent me 6 paragraphs of "critique" about ways I could improve the design - all of which were adding new features that made them cluttered and non-modern. 

What. The. Hell.

Me: Since you're selling to a professional market, it might make sense to buy some branded clothes for your sales team so everyone looks sharp. 

Client: Great idea! 

Hey bought everyone cheap hooded sweatshirts in an unattractive color with a logo that barely showed up. The logo hadn't been updated in 30 years or longer.

Client: Here's our logo that a designer made for us from a local small agency.

The client provided me with a photo, with some slight Photoshop enhancements to brighten the colors and distort the border.

It did NOT look like an illustration or a design. It looked like a photo. Like a photo you would find in a photo album from the 90's, or when someone plays around with Photoshop to create some "cool" effects when they are in an intro Photoshop class.

This caused issues with website design, print design assets, product tags, and more - since a photo is usually hard to make look like a logo on different types of media.

Last time I checked, a photo is a photo - not a logo.

Client: Can you develop some logo examples for me to present to a orthodontist for his clinic?

Me: Sure.

I then make four different logos in 5 different colors.

Client: Could you make that in black and yellow?

Me: I can do that, but colors send certain psychological signals to people. Black and yellow has come to stand for “caution” or “danger” – think of bees or warning signs. It might not be the best idea for a dentist to have a black and yellow logo that tells people “this is unsafe.”

Client: I know all that. Do it anyway.

Well if you KNOW it’s a bad idea, why are you insisting?

Years ago, I volunteered my time for a non-profit so I could practice my design skills. At that time, the team wanted me to design a layout for a print newsletter.

I naively thought it would be fun.

The team that worked for the non-profit sent me various of revised versions of their articles, which kept messing up the layout of the newsletter. As well, the articles by various staff members were not edited or very professionally written for a newsletter. I wound up having to edit EVERYTHING. 

They also had many random requests for the design, which I kept trying to keep somewhat simple despite the confusing communication. I tried to preserve the flow of the design - with some cohesive images, a thoughtful color scheme, and some readable text layout. I was expected to incorporate contradictory requests on a daily basis. 

Many headaches later, the newsletter was finally complete. I wasn't that happy with the final product.

They mailed me a copy of it.

They printed it on the cheapest paper one could imagine, and folded it the wrong way so the middle text became unreadable. 

Client: So I was going through Microsoft Word looking at fonts and I found this font I've never seen before.

Me: (cringing) Yes there are a wide variety of fonts available today. I can research some that would be great for your…

Client: No, no, I found the exact one I want, it's perfect.

Me: Um, okay, what's the font.

Client: Pay-Py-Ruse.

Me: (dropping feeling in my stomach) Um, can you spell that.

Client: Oh, yeah, sure: P-A-P-Y-R-U-S

Me: … 

At this point I'm grateful that it's a phone conversation.

Client: *keeps going on and on how this is the PERFECT font*

Me: What about the Papyrus do you like?

Client: It's so rough and fresh. It's like it's hand-drawn. I've never seen anything like it.

Me: (trying to be gentle) It is an interesting font, I get the appeal of a hand-drawn font. Unfortunately, it's been used so many times that it's entering the realm of Comic Sans in reputation. We can do a font study to find something that has the rough, fresh, professional, hand-drawn feel you desire.

Client: I've never seen it before, I think that's just a thing with you designery type.

Me: …

Client: So, we're using Papyrus.

In the end, we parted ways congenially after some less than productive attempts at the image. It's the only client I've had to walk away from, but hey, I never had to present logo options with the Papyrus font.

I've recently started a new job in the e-commerce industry, and it's a fun mix of customer support and design. One of our customers recently requested a change to the operation of their store. 

Client:  Can you change my store page so that customers have to log in as a very first step? I want them logged in before they can see my products, even.

Me: That's really not the best idea. 

Client: I'm paying you. That's how I want it. 

I whipped together a small bit of code that checks to see if a user is logged in, and it redirected to the log in page if not. We implemented a demo for the client.

Client: This is exactly what I want! Make it go live today.

The very next morning we got a support email from someone else at the business notifying us that their site is not functioning, as it is forcing people to log in before being able to do anything on the store, and that it should only ask for a log in before making a purchase.

Me: Talk to your guy - we just did what he wanted us to. 

One phone call later and I'm asked to remove the changes I made the previous day.