HOMEPODCAST
SUBMIT STORY

You Really Thought We Wouldn’t Notice, Huh?

Client: Your company is exceptionally slow compared to others in your field, but we're willing to give you one last chance. We have a project that other companies can turn around in [number] weeks. What can you offer us in terms of timelines?

Me: We're literally the only company in the world that offers the services you need on this scale, so I'm pretty sure nobody has offered you a [number]-week timeline. We can't match it by any stretch considering the gargantuan scope of work, but hey, you're free to go to these "other companies" you've mentioned. We wish you the best of luck.

Client: Oh, no, the companies are most certainly real. But... uh... hypothetically speaking, what kind of timeline would it be if we stuck with you?

Me: Hypothetically?

Client: Hypothetically.

We'd be working around the clock and weekends just to make double that timeline. You better believe the expedite fees aren't getting waived. Some part of me genuinely wants them to attempt getting quotes from other companies and getting the door slammed in their faces when they explain what they want and how soon they want it.

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Why Don’t You Just “Zoom And Enhance”?

Client: You know about final cut pro right?

Me: Yes.

Client: I hear there is a button that makes the video go into focus.

Me: What do you mean into focus?

Client: Well I shot video but it’s all out of focus and I hear there is a button in final cut pro that will fix this for me.

Me: I don’t think that’s possible.

Client: I thought you said you knew final cut pro.

A "magical technology with fix my ineptitude" moment from the Clients From Hell archives.

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It’s So Satisfying To Call A Liar’s Bluff

Me: This project would cost [price] EUR. It could be done by [client's deadline], but only if we start no later than next Monday.

A couple of days later:

Client: I have another proposal for this, and the cost is [more than 80% less] EUR. I'd like you to match it.

We then sent a message explaining our pricing structure and informing him that we couldn't match the price. We pointed out that it was freelancer pricing; we are an agency, and you can't expect freelancer pricing from a well-established agency.

We thought it was it, but a week later, we got a message from the client.

Client: So, how about this project we talked about earlier? Are you able to do it by our deadline?

Me: Sorry, but we have already booked our development fully for another three weeks, and we can't start this project immediately. The earliest we can do it is [new deadline].

Client: Wait, what? Why the h*** didn't you inform me? It will cost me a lot of money if I miss that deadline.

Me: What do you mean? You yourself informed us that you'd found someone who would do this for the price of [lower price] EUR, and we are unable to match it, as we are not a one-man freelancer. We are an agency, and at least four different highly experienced people would be working on your project. Anyway, why aren't you working with that person?

Client: I was just assuming this could be the budget. I believe I could have found someone else for that kind of budget. Is there any way you could still do this?

Me: Not on our primary proposal. If the deadline can not be moved, we need to charge more for a rush job. It is a standard procedure in any agency to add a percentage for rush jobs because it means we will need to pay our people for working overtime or weekends.

So, overall, our budget increased by 30%. The client was happy with the outcome of the project, and we are planning future projects, as well. I bet he won't be using a fake "I have this proposal for [a lower price]; match it" card again.

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The Voice Of The Customer Only Matters If We Agree With It

I was conducting a “voice of the customer”-type investigation for a client to inform the requirements for the redevelopment of their website.

We agreed on how many interviews I could do within the agreed fee and we agreed that they would make the introductions to a cross-section of their audiences. Once we’d secured the required number of interviews, they continued making intros to additional contacts. But I was enjoying the work and wanted to make a good impression, and I knew that the more perspectives I could gain, the stronger the insights would be, so in the end, I did DOUBLE the number of interviews. 

At the playback presentation, it became clear that the client didn’t like the findings of the investigation, which was that clients were more interested and engaged by one aspect of their messaging than another (sustainability more than innovation, which makes sense). 

The client started yelling.

Client: You spoke to the wrong people!

Me: YOU decided who I should interview, and the people I spoke to represented a cross-section of the target audience.

They expected me to interview a whole bunch of additional people without charging any extra money, fundamentally until I could gather enough evidence to support their confirmation bias that the innovation message was more important than the sustainability one.

Client: “We know our customers really well, and this is what they want to see!”

So WHY are you commissioning a VOC study? And why are you asking me to interview more people?

On top of this, they were awkward about so many things and late paying, etc. I managed to walk away relatively unscathed, but what a nightmare. “You spoke to the wrong people!” is a phrase that will stay with me forever!

What's the most ridiculous thing a client has ever blamed you for?
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