“We need business cards designed to impress people in big companies at the top end of town… set up as a Word template so we can print them in here in our office.”
Client: “Oh wow, this looks GREAT! But seriously, we want to be original here.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. When we discussed the design together, you had sounded like this was what you wanted; is there something that you would like changed?”
Client: “No, no. The idea is fine, it’s just that it’s pretty obvious to me that you traced that.”
Me: “…No, I didn’t. This is an original illustration made specifically for your company.”
Client: “Come on, even I can’t draw that well! I know it’s a tracing!”
“Here’s the deal, I’ve got no money.
But I’ve got contributors lined up… as soon as you make this website I’ll get a bunch of donations and then I can pay you.”
After meeting with the client many more times than necessary, and nearing a finalized design for an astronomy t-shirt, “I really like everything you’ve done, but could you try using this font instead? I think it’d fit with the other design elements better.”
It was papyrus.
The client looked at the storyboard and said to the bearded copywriter, “seems to work fairly ok, but I’m not sure anyone in my commercial should have a beard. Normal people simply don’t have beards.”
Client: We love your WordPress theme designs. How much would it cost to have you do themes for us? We would be giving you pretty regular work, maybe as many as a couple a week.
Me: Well, my usual fee for a commercial site would be $1500 to $2000 but if you’re going to be bringing in consistent regular work maybe we can work out some sort of deal.
Client: Oh, we were thinking something more like $50 per theme.
Me: That’s too low. I wouldn’t be able to do that.
Client: That’s what we were paying our previous designer.
Me: Maybe you should stick with him.
Client: He was a student. He did a terrible job, never finished anything on time and disappeared on us.
When I went to an electronics enterprise office to discuss the ideas and budget of the website, the boss got out of his chair and told me to have a seat at his desk and use his computer to make the site…
Client: “Can you get rid of that gradient on the screen?”
Me: “That’s the monitor. Tilt it up a little, and it will go away.”
Client: “What’s this invoice for?”
Me: That’s the initial deposit; you pay it to start the project and ensure my time commitment to you.
Client: I can’t pay this, I don’t have any money.
Me: “Uh… um. OK, well I can’t build you a website then.”
Client: “But you agreed to. I signed your agreement!”
Me: “I think there’s been a misunderstanding. You agreed my terms which includes paying an up front deposit. We talked about this. You said money was no object.”
Client: “Oh yes, well, I meant money’s no object after the website is built and I’ve sold all my sculptures. I can’t pay you anything now. I want you to build me a free site, then when I’m rich, I’ll pay you.”
Me: “So you want me to work for free with the possibility that I might one day get paid? I’m sorry but it doesn’t work like that.”
Client: “Of course I don’t expect you to work for free. You’ll be paid when I sell my first sculptures.”
Me: “I have a better idea. How about you sell some sculptures first, perhaps at a craft fair, then when you’ve made some money, you can use that to have me build you a site?”
Client: “Are you trying to be funny?”
“I’d like to hire your company to design my blog and put it online. I already know how I want it to look and I’m probably going to hire someone else to redesign it later. How much would it cost, and can it be live next week?”