HOMEPODCAST
SUBMIT STORY

A Lower Quality Of Client

I work for a company that makes signage in many different materials and sizes. There's one particular company that I and all of my coworkers dread hearing from.

At that company, there is one man who puts together all the files we base the signage off. He has a huge ego and is one of the most difficult people I've ever had to work with. It's not helped by the fact that usually, someone else places the orders with us, sends the files he's made, and they aren't always entirely clear on what they want.

The files they send are always partially vector and partially bitmap, meaning we can't use their files as is. On top of that, the symbols that are bitmap are so low quality they're maybe 8 x 8 pixels big. Luckily we have those generic symbols in vector format on our end. The black colours in the file are also different, some CMYK and some RBG. Honestly, the files are all over the place.

This has lead to a few misunderstandings and errors in production. To attempt to fix this, I once made the error of requesting better files.

Me: We are looking for better files where the colours are consistent and everything is in vector format, not a low-quality bitmap.

I should not have used the words "low quality".

I subsequently get a phone call from the man who makes the files, angrily chewing me out and claiming:

Client: I know what I am doing because I have years in the business!

I have clearly bruised his ego. I am polite and attempt to explain. After the call ends I sent him two files: the one we were sent from them and one where I'd fixed all the colours and changed bitmap to vector. I suggested he copy and paste the vector symbols into his files. He never responded to my email.

They still send us files with different blacks and bitmap images, only now they're in a slightly higher resolution.

0

When It Comes To Caricatures Make Sure It’s For The Designs And Not The Clients

I'm an illustrator/cartoonist, and my client owns a small kayaking hire company.  He wants a series of cartoons demonstrating how to kayak safely, contrasting with disasters waiting to happen. It has already taken a while to extract from him whether they are to be online, print, or both; whether they're B/W or full colour - all that. I've already invited him to send me samples of the kind of thing he's after; I can work comfortably in a range of styles.

We're at the character design stage via a phone call:

Me: If you have any particular ideas about how they should look, e.g. tall/short, fat/skinny, smug/gormless then do let me know.

Client: "Don't mind, whatever you think best."

I submit designs. The feedback is from both him and his wife. 

Client's Wife: Could we make them slightly more appealing to look at? I know that they’re supposed to be a bit dopey but they’re also a tiny bit ugly too! I think they might be easier to engage or identify with if they were dopey but charming! Let’s give them a bit more sex appeal!

Client: I had not wanted to return too quickly with “but they aren’t what I had imagined”. I had imagined slightly more caricatured bods!

Me: Many thanks for your feedback; I know that it can be difficult to describe in words the kind of look you were thinking of, and also the sense that ‘you’ll recognise it when you see it!'. It would be helpful for me if you could find online examples of the kind of style you were hoping for, and we can take it from there."

I'm not holding out much hope. 

0

When They Don’t Understand How The Internet Works But They’ve Watched “Suits”

A few months ago I rebuilt, on the client's insistence, a website under a new domain name and nixed the old domain name, making it a permanent 301 redirect to the new one. I advised the client's right-hand man that this wasn't the best course of action from an SEO standpoint as all efforts needed to be started from scratch. The website was rebuilt and SEO/Facebook Ads were initiated the following month. Because the client wasn't getting "instant leads" he decided to "pull the plug" and refused to pay the full quoted amount. We settled on a certain number and decided to go our separate ways.

A couple of months later this client sends me a nasty email.

Client: We had our site analyzed and found many broken links and content issues leading to very little interaction with visitors. We paid you to fix this stuff and you didn't. You can either fix the issues we identify at no cost or return [amount] to us to pay someone else to complete the work so we can monetize our site offerings. Please let me know what your plans are regarding this matter.

Me: Hi, please clarify what you mean by "broken links." The spreadsheet you provided is a keyword research sheet that has nothing to do with broken links. Aside from the fact that I went through the site with a fine-tooth comb, I just ran a broken link checker and found zero broken links reported.

I attach a screenshot of the report.

Me: "Content issues leading to very little interaction with visitors" is unclear. Please clarify. If it's with SEO or Facebook, we started a campaign in which you decided to "pull the plug" on two weeks in, and these efforts take more time and money to see tangible results. I'm trying to help here, but fail to see what's "broken" that needs to be fixed beyond the services rendered earlier.

The case is still ongoing. With digital marketing, some clients won't listen to reason that it's not a "quick fix" and these things take considerably more than a couple of weeks!

0

They’re Not Even Offering Exposure!

I'm a technical writer subcontracting for a contract team working on the end client’s sales tracking system, writing and revising the user guides and training material. It's a solid year of mission creep, changed parameters, and management (both end client and contract company) giving endlessly contradictory reviews when they weren’t on vacation.

Finally, the documentation is done, and I’m promptly let go because “things are tight.” Six months later, out of the blue:

Contractor Manager: “The client wants massive new changes to the manual, and they won’t pay for the work done until this is complete. Can you come back and make their revisions so we can get paid?”

Me: “Sure. Is the rate the same?”

Contractor Manager: “Well, we don’t have any budget to pay you, but we really need this done.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I have two job interviews every day this week, because I need a job that actually pays the bills.”

Contractor Manager: “We really need you to get this done.”

After refusing to work for free, I kept getting calls from higher and higher in the contractor management, TELLING me that I needed to come back so they could get paid. A month after this stopped, I started getting calls from the guy they got to do this work for free, begging me to teach him how to use Adobe FrameMaker so he could get this done.

0

Accepting Contracts On Venus Versus Mars

I explain an upcoming notice period to a male client.

Me: I will be going on maternity leave at the end of the year, and will be returning to work six months later. I'll be able to fast-track all of our contracted projects before I go on leave, so you'll experience a service outage of only about two months. I'll also be open to prioritising any new project you need when I return.

Client: This is unacceptable! I have several more projects that need to be completed during those two months. It has to be you or there will be continuity problems! You need to come back from leave earlier. You're going to make me lose money because we'll put out the projects as soon as you finish them and there will be a long gap!

Me: Okay, well, why don't you just hold the finished projects back until their original deadline?

Client: No! You've created this terrible situation! How are you going to fit in these extra projects? You need to do them on a faster schedule now!

Me: Unfortunately, as you didn't offer me a contract for those upcoming projects ahead of time or let me know they would be needed, I couldn't work it into my schedule. I could potentially fit in another project before I leave, but as it will mean disappointing another client, I'll need contracts for the rest of the work in this project line before I can agree to that.

Client: And how can I be sure you won't do this again?! No, don't fit in any extra contracts. We'll do a project as soon as you come back. You have to work on our project only for the first month to guarantee it gets done.

I sign the contract, mostly because I need to have guaranteed work to come back to, but it's pretty clear from the rest of his emails the guy is not going to give me any more projects once this one is tied up. Which would be illegal discrimination if I wasn't freelance, but there we are.

A short while later, I have to have a similar conversation with a female client. Only I can offer her much less because the male client has already demanded so much.

Me: I'm afraid I can only fit in one more project for you for the rest of the year. I'll be going on maternity leave afterward and won't be back to work for seven months. I'd be open to new projects when I return.

Client: Oh, congratulations! That's great news for you. We'll be in touch as soon as you're back to work, we love working with you!

That was the whole email.

Sometimes people conform to stereotypes so hard it just makes you want to hit your head against the wall.

0

Gonna Make You Pay For That

We're running behind schedule on a project… mostly because I had quoted a fairly simple site that the client had morphed into a totally custom Shopify site.

Client: If we can’t make the deadline, I won’t pay.

Me: Okay, I guess I can just delete the work done so far and we can part ways.

Client: You would do that?

Have you ever had a client who caused all the project-creep but blamed you?
0

Another Bateman Business Card Drama

I work in a small print shop as a graphic designer. Someone comes in with an OLD half-full box of dusty yellowed business cards that were obviously printed many years ago.

Client: I don't use business cards much, but I changed my phone number recently and want my cards updated.

Me: Well, we can print new ones for--

Client: No, you need to physically remove and replace the phone number on my actual business cards! I don't want new ones printed because I hardly ever use them, it would be a waste of my money.

Me: That would not be possible.

He gets mad.

Client: You're a liar! You can use that computer thing and do it for me! Do it for me right now or I won't leave!

It got ugly, the owner calmed him down and he eventually left, with his box of dirty old business cards in hand.

0

Magic Mirror, On The Phone…

I'm an app developer. In the early days of iPhone apps I get approached by a client:

Client: I want an app that women can use as a mirror to adjust their makeup.

It seems like a pretty quick job, two days work, I quote $2K. At the time this is a bargain rate as he says he'll provide the artwork himself, and I throw together an app that just uses the front camera and plays it to the screen, its a mirror!

Client: No, no, this isn't what I meant, it has to be MIRROR!

Me: Can you clarify?

He pulls out a laser pointer and shines it on the screen.

Client: No reflection! It's not a mirror!

I angrily march him out of the office for wasting my time.

0

A Little Ingenuity Will Take You Places

After working for a couple of years in the sales and marketing department for one of the biggest news publishers in my region, I have gotten used to a certain way of handling proposals and later on negotiations with clients. Simply said, I followed the exact same steps (inherited from my ex-colleagues):

CLIENT INQUIRY/
OUR ACQUISITION ---> PROPOSAL ---> NEGOTIATION ---> CLOSING A DEAL

However, while delivering proposals, we used the old way of describing which Google banner positions and advertising, in general, we can offer to a client (long emails, full of text and plain numbers about statistics, etc.). This way turned out to be efficient enough for all our previous clients that would just prolong their long-term contracts from year to year, but it didn't go hand in hand well with the acquisition of new clients (especially those bigger ones from which we could earn higher revenues).

After years of unsuccessful fishing and trying to make a contact with a pretty large company (the type of client that you are never good enough for, but they constantly ask for your proposals: We are meant for Wimbledon, and you are offering us Sarajevo Open) seated in one of our neighbouring countries, I decided to make a different proposal for them and put additional effort (which, later on, was not charged from them or rewarded by my employer).

Since I had pretty untied hands when it came to direct communication with clients, in terms of not needing my owners' approvals every time, etc., I created a brand new product we didn't even have in our pricelist at that time: 50% category sponsorship.

This would mean that 50% of the news in a certain (e.g. Lifestyle) category would be covered with multiple client's banners/brand (meaning, millions of pageviews for client every month). In that category, we had huge unsold inventory/impressions, so I realised this decision would not hurt our future sales or my publisher's brand in any way (safe brand rule).

I delivered my proposal in a PDF document with graphics and visuals, having already tested the campaign on our website, and included screenshots of all banner positions. I made a client visualise their brand appearance on our website and "feel" their brand from the position of an average user. Since I wasn't able to use our in-house designer's services of creating banners and visuals for a potential new client (without charging it), in a couple of nights and YouTube tutorials I learned how to use PhotoShop for the first time.

Turned out, the client absolutely loved the idea and signed up for a five-digit profit, I learned how to use Photoshop and made some skills for a lifetime, and we have continued using this approach ever since!

0

The Royal “We”

This happened about fifteen years ago when I was just starting as a copy editor. I was working for a client who helped people publish their books. The idea of the book was quite interesting: a self-help personal empowerment book based on iconic American movies. There were two co-authors involved in the project. I was excited at the prospect of working on it and quickly got to it.

After I submitted my edit of the first chapter, one of the co-authors told me that she had decided that she wanted the book to be inclusive and that I was to change the entire text to "we"! This is absolutely not feasible for an entire self-help book! How would we differentiate when the authors were addressing their readers to when they were sharing their teachings/info?

I tried to explain this to her but she insisted and then went on to berate me for my choice of words in one of the sentences... a sentence I had not touched. I started to have doubts!

Imagine my relief when, a week later, my client told me she had dropped the pair as clients because "the woman was impossible to work with." I am quite sure this book was never published.

What's the biggest client-bullet you've ever dodged?
0
Menu