HOMEPODCAST
SUBMIT STORY

Make sure to get everything in writing.

My clients were a father and son requesting an inventory system for their business. They were also family friends. They had a lot of product, but it was currently tracked via post-its and memory. The requirements were simple enough. They needed a very simple CMS. I suggested an excel spreadsheet, but they needed it to sync between computers and their two locations.

Me: So I can make you a website can do that. Let's talk about how you want the inventory displayed when you log in, and we can work out what fields we need for data entry.

Client: We don't want a website. We just want something that will keep track of everything between both locations and not on the internet.

After a little back and forth, and double checking they were not planning on setting up a network between locations, they both agreed a website with the CMS was the best course of action. (I should have gotten this in writing...)

I make a pretty simple CMS, test it and it works. The son signs off on it and I move on. (Once again...should have gotten this in writing.) 3 months later I get a very angry phone call from the father.

Client: The site is broken! Nobody can do anything!

Me: I am logged in....seems like it is working. What are you trying that is broken?

Turns out the son never told the father he signed off on the work and he assumed nothing was done. 6 more months goes by, another angry call from the father.

Client: When are you going to be done with this site?!?

Me: What do you mean? We talked about this last year?

Client: Can you just come into the shop and show me what you have done?

So I go in, show the father the site and now requirements are coming out of left field.

Client: So we need this to be faster so we can enter things in as people call. Also, we need to be able to sync this with the phone system so we can tie orders to customers as they call in. Where do I print checks from this? How do customers log in to upload photos of the stuff we might buy?

I told them for all of that work I would charge them at least $15k, based on industry standards I could find googling for about 2 minutes, and that was on the low end.

Client: If we wanted to pay that much, we would buy this other product that is industry standard. I thought we were family? Give us a deal.

Me: I think we're done here

Last time they reached out to me, they threatened to sue me for not delivering the site to them that they requested. Luckily for me, none of this was in writing and my lawyer friend said they didn't have a case.

Moral of the story? Get everything in writing. Especially if it is for friends or family.

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Im not a credit agency but can be if you really want

This client relationship STARTED fine with prompt payments, but over time devolved into late payments. Eventually, I was chasing down a payment that was three weeks late.

Me: Just to remind you, you are now in breach of contract and can they advise on payment date.

Client: We will ASAP, but we're having cash flow issues. Can we pay 40% of the invoice in a week, and then pay the rest by the end of the month?

Me: Fine, but I'm adding a late fee to the invoice.

Client: Why?

Me: I'm not a credit provider, but if you're going to treat me like one I'm going to charge for my services.

 

 

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If You Put In The Effort

To preface, I am a 2D character animator. Think like cartoons on TV sort of stuff, but on occasion I help make medical information videos more appealing and easier to digest. I am not part of a studio or a team - it's just me.

Client: I want this 15min PowerPoint presentation put into an animated theatrical video format, with a cute character that leads us through an environment as he explains our text. But I don't want this to be an explainer video. Think of it like a documentary.

Me: Okay, that sounds great. We can start with some character designs, then move onto a storyboard by the end of the month. Once that's approved, I can have a finished product to you the month after.

Client: Oh, I have this presentation in 2 weeks. I thought that would be enough time.

Me: No, unfortunately, that is not enough time. I would be happy to work with what you have and make a more basic explainer video.

Client: Are you sure you're not just limiting yourself to an unnecessarily broad timeline? I think if you really put your effort in, you could get what I want done in 2 weeks. 

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Very, very urgent

A few years ago, I travelled to a large European city for a congress. The embassy from my home country also occupied an exhibition stand there. I'm a copywriter, and the embassay sent me a very last minute e-mail, that they knew I was going to be there and needed an interview with the ambassador for an online publication directly after the event. I was a bit annoyed, since I was planning on networking instead of writing. But ok, I decided to take it on.

I spent hours and hours interviewing the ambassador, doing background research, writing, fine-tuning etc. When I sent the final document to the ambassador's assistant (who was my contact person and very strict on the deadline), I didn't get any response.

Slightly annoyed, I tried to follow up on my e-mail multiple times. No response. Weeks and weeks went by without answer. Finally, I tried getting a hold of the assistant via phone. To no avail: they told me he relocated weeks ago, to a completely other part of the world and couldn't be reached.

Never got response, nor did I receive any payment. The article was never placed.

 

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Catch me, if you can

A client was three months late in paying. I suspected it was due to additional charges for requesting changes after a project had been finalized. They claimed to have sent a check after paying online didn’t work out, but it never arrived. I arranged to meet in person at a coffee shop near my 9-5 job (which is not related to my freelancing services).  The client didn't show up.

On my day off, my boss from my 9-5 calls and tells me to come to work immediately. I arrived and my client was there, chatting with my boss; they handed me an envelope and kept chatting. I excused myself while they continued to talk.

I opened the envelope to find a check for a little over half the amount owed. Suspecting shenanigans, I took a second to print out a copy of the signed work order and caught my client as they were about to leave.

Me: Hi there, it’s been a while. Is it ok if we go over this real quick before you leave?

Client: Sure.

Me: I just wanted to verify if this envelope contains the $XXX for the project here in this work order.

Client: Yeah, that’s the correct amount.

Me: Ok perfect. Is it ok if I open it now to double-check or can I trust that it contains the correct amount?

Client: You can check. It’s the correct amount.

I pulled out the check.

Me: Oh, I’m glad we looked. The check is written for $XX. I need an additional $XX to complete the total of $XXX for the project as agreed here on the work order.

Client: It’s $XXX!? No, let me see the work order. I don’t remember it being It’s $XXX.

Me: We went over it just now and you agreed that was the correct amount.

Client: Let me see if I have cash.

The client took back the check and paid the full amount in cash. I later found out they had a habit of bouncing checks.

What's the most creative way you've called out a client for non-payment? We want to know!
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Faulty Keyboard

I used to be a software developer who also did technical support for a highly niche market (churches).  After several minutes of going through the application with one of the church ladies, we get to this point in the conversation:

Me: Ok, now use the left arrow key to go to the beginning of the line.

Client: You mean the Enter key?

Me: No, ma'am, the left arrow key?

Client: You mean the Backspace key?

Me: No, ma'am, the left arrow key.

Client: I don't have a left arrow key.

Me: You don't have a left arrow key?  Do you see the Enter key?

Client: Yes

Me: Now move your finger down one row, and over to the right a little bit and you should see four arrow keys.

Client: Oh, you mean the left arrow key!

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Spam or SEO?

Client: Look, I got this email via my contact form on a website.

They sent me a spammy message where the sender says he analyzed their website and could improve ther SEO and traffic. 

Me: Oh, this is a spam message, I will try to enhance security in forms to avoid such messages.

Client: I dont care, spam or not. I dont care about that message. Why does somebody analyze my website? And why my SEO and traffic is not improved? I want my website to be found on Google as they are suggesting!

Me: Your website is among the best Google results in your market, and your traffic is huge by the way. You can see this in monthly reports we send you.

Client: I don't need your excuses, fix it.

So I enhanced form security and they stopped receiving those spams. After a month without any spams:

Client: Thank you, it seems my SEO is OK again.

What's the dumbest "fix it" demand you've ever received?
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Science is hard

Despite appearances, this story is extremely pertinent to creative client work.

Back in college, I had a part-time job bagging groceries at a little mom and pop health food store. A little old lady was buying a significant number of items: a gallon of milk, a bag of flour, several canned goods, eggs, fruit and veggies, etc. As I’m strategically placing her items into two bags, paying attention to the weight distribution and trying my best to make it easy for her, she turns to me and says “Just put it all in one bag, but don’t make it heavy.”

Uh… Ok, lady. 

Back then, I was baffled. Now, twenty years later as a designer, I realize that this was the basis for half the client interactions I've ever had. 

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How little can we pay you?

A potential client contacted me about an extremely technically demanding software project. Seems they were earning tens of millions of dollars a year from it, but due to them hiring bad software developers, they couldn't get it to scale. Now they wanted someone to keep developing it while they simultaneously rewrote it in a different programming language it was easier to find software developers for.

No problem. I specialize in this. After a short period of time discussing what their problems were, they were very excited because I quickly figured out the primary bottlenecks, how to fix them, and explained that it would take me a few months of work to stabilize things, given the size of their codebase.

They said "yes", but promptly offered me part time at a junior developer's hourly rate. I'm one of the top experts in my field. I politely said no.

They came back a year later. Seems the $100/day developer they hired from a lesser-developed nation wasn't very good and stopped responding to their email.

They again offered me part-time at a junior developer's hourly rate to maintain software they were making tens of millions of dollars from.

Last I checked, they pivoted their entire business in a different direction because their competition finally caught up with them.

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Dysfunctional Priorities

I was working for a company in a completely dysfunctional team. While looking for options to find a path out of that team, I learned that IT was going to be implementing a new tool that I had experience with. I took a few more courses and certifications with the aim of freelancing myself to the other team and eventually gain enough trust and experience to move out of my dysfunctional department.

It turned out the tool was going to be implemented on MY team, so I was the only one in the unique position of knowing my job inside and out plus having certifications on the tool. I managed to get myself onto the project, and jumped on the first conference call to plan how the tool should be used.

Boss: The information we need isn't currently in the system, so we can't tell it to send emails.

Me: Let's just add a table so w...

Boss: It's too hard and expensive to add new tables to our existing systems.

Me: I didn't mean add to the system. You can create a simple table in Excel and upload it to the tool, then just tell the tool how to incorporate the information.

Boss: This tool can't DO that.

Me: (irritated at being interrupted) Yes, it can.

I explained how and why.

Everyone: …

And that was how I was kicked off of a program implementation and given the silent treatment when I was the only one who knew both the tool and how my department worked.

Apparently, it's more important to not offend a director than to properly implement a new expensive IT tool.

I left a few months later, I'm curious how/if the rollout went.

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