Clients from Hell

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July 27, 2014

Client: I want this done by the end of the week! It’s taking forever!

Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you wanted it done so soon. In our initial discussion about the job, you said there was “no huge rush.”

Client: To me “no huge rush” means “not today.”

July 23, 2014

Me: I’ve attached four different options for the cover page. Please let me know which one you prefer so I can purchase the relevant stock image. I’ve provided the cost of each image below for your convenience. Thanks.

One week later.

Client: Yes, I like the images. 

July 19, 2014

I have been working with a client on a logo for her firm. She seemed directionless, but after meeting for a few hours, we developed a design brief. After I’d presented sketches – using the brief she’d signed off on – she “played around with it a little bit” and sent me back a sketch that had nothing to do with the brief.

After another face to face meeting, I agreed to work with the new concept. Really, the only thing that stayed the same was a request for hand-lettered typography, which I felt I already had in the bag. I drafted a proposal and presented a final sketch. She “played around with it a little bit” and sent me a PDF with the main design element of the logo removed and a delicate type solution that was not only unreadable, but would not work as hand-lettering - the look she originally was after.

I told her that she’d come up with something really interesting and felt she could finish it herself since she had such a clear vision and was now so close.

She requested that I "play around with it a little bit and see what you come up with.”

I fired myself.

July 18, 2014

Me: Since we are on such a tight schedule, could you please be more precise when giving me feedback on this?

Client: It needs to look a bit nicer. 

July 17, 2014
"It looks wrong. It should look right."
July 05, 2014
"Can you please add “today” at the end of the pitch? It should be emphasized, but not as a dictatorial order (e.g. Hitler-style). In a way gentler than Hitler, please."
July 01, 2014

Me: Can I get you to make me a visual palette of colors you’d like, so I can have a better idea of what to work off of?

Client: Golden-orangey, black-like blue, purplish-blue, berry purple, dusky gray-purple.

June 29, 2014

Client: Can we make it sound more green?

Me: You mean, like, environmentally friendly?

Client: No, like the colour. 

June 27, 2014

After taking a client through my design:

Client: Can I make a suggestion?

Me: Sure.

Client: No.

Me: Pardon?

Client: No. Just no.

Me: To everything I just showed you?

Client: Yeah. No.

June 26, 2014

Client: Can you make it less black, like half black?

Me: Do you mean grey?

Client: No. Less black.

Me: Well there’s black or there’s no black.

Client: We want black, we just want the black to be less black. Like half.