Clients from Hell

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August 29, 2014

After getting out of the movies, I looked at my phone to find 10 texts from a friend explaining how, exactly, she wants me to design her son’s second birthday invites.

I had never discussed this with her, she didn’t ask, and she simply assumed I was doing it.

Client: Toy Story themed…. Paste his face on Woody’s head… Maybe Buzz Light Year to the side, I dunno you can design however you want… Toy Story fonts, Toy Story backgrounds, etc.

After the texts stopped coming in, I texted her back:

Me: We need to talk.

To which she responded:

Client:  …but I don’t want it super themey.

August 28, 2014

Client: The art looks really distorted in our email newsletter.

Me: That’s weird. I made it exactly to the specs. Do I have the correct specs?

Client: Yes. 

Me: Did you do anything to the image?

Client: All I did was stretch it!

"If I print this email, will you scan it and email it for me?"

[DEAL] Freelancers, put on your pants, it’s time to do business.

Most freelancers want to deal with business side of their business as much as Oprah wants to deal with other letters of the alphabet.

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But good news! Instead of spending time worrying about the legalese in your contract, you can spend it doing the work you enjoy.

For $29 - less than the regular hourly freelance rate in the US - the Freelance Starter Kit over at Mighty Deals includes all sorts of resources a freelancer needs, including contract templates, well-reviewed e-books, and complete branding identity sets.

Check out the deal here.

[Oprah in no way endorses this deal or wants us to use this photo of her]

August 27, 2014

Client: How long will it take to produce this case study video?

Me: Four weeks from script and storyboard sign-off.

Client: We only have two weeks to get it done. We can give you an extra two days on top of the two weeks, will that help?

Me: It will help, yes. But only if we get the script and storyboard signed off today and get into studio tomorrow.

Client: Oh, we won’t be able to get all the stakeholders in one room to sign off on script and storyboard until the next managers’ meeting.

Me: When’s that meeting?

Client: In two weeks.

FREE WORKSHOP FOLLOW-UP

Wow, what a response we had for our workshop!

If you haven’t been following Clients From Hell for the past few days - or if we’ve burned up our goodwill and our messages are in your spam now - we hosted a free workshop with Tom Ewer on how to get started as a freelancer.

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Missed it? No worries -  you can check out a recording of the workshop. It’s free!

Get the recording here.

We’ve had a lot of people ask after the MightyDeals promotion for the Freelance Starting Kit we mentioned during the talk. You can pick that up here (currently 40% off) .

A client and I were discussing which photos to upload to his website.

Client: I’ll get all the photos to you ASAP so you can edit them as agreed.

Me: Sounds great.

After five hours, I still hadn’t received any photos, so I rang the client.

Me: Hi - have you got those photos?

Client: Sure - I sent them today.

Me: That’s strange, I haven’t received anything.

Client: Come on, the post service doesn’t work that fast; I’d think someone like you would know that

The client had posted me a 2GB USB stick containing the photos

August 26, 2014

This video gets submitted every now and then, but it’s been years since we last showed it off. 

via (x)

Client: Why would you assume I wanted the columns to be vertical?

Me: I - I’m sorry, how did you want them?

Client: Obviously, I wanted horizontal columns.

Me: Like rows?

Client: Exactly like rows!

Our free workshop is going live in six hours!

Six hours until our free workshop on how to get started as a freelancer!

Want to start your own business? We can help get you find your feet.

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Clients From Hell readers get to enjoy a free workshop with Tom Ewer, manager Leaving Work Behind and Paid to Blog. We’ll be discussing whether or not freelancing is right for you, what your service/craft/product should be, and how you can find your first few clients (and how to avoid the bad ones!).

The free workshop will go live on August 26th at 11am Pacific, 2pm Eastern, 6pm GMT.

Click here to register for free.

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