"We have the word Jabba in our name. But I think that’s a famous Disney character or something?"
— Duh. Dur.
August 13, 2016
"You’ll just have to do it for five grand. I thought you were keen to get our business?"
— Client who wants to pay 5,000 for a 100,000 video shot in three
countries with six actors.
August 12, 2016
I met with a client who wanted me to produce three promotional videos for them. Even though we went over about 15 examples at different price points (various numbers of cameras, sound equipment, etc) and they clearly WANTED the highest quality, they asked for the cheapest option.
Fast forward three months later: I’ve delivered the videos but have not received payment. I call to chase overdue payment. I’m told they won’t be paying because they had better videos made by another agency at six times the price.
Needless to say we started court proceedings as we had a signed contract and they paid up before it got to court.
They whined that they didn’t feel they need to pay because they didn’t use them.
Are you a freelancer who needs work?
The Problem
Roughly 25-50% of a freelancer’s time goes into marketing themselves and their services. The end goal is always to find quality work.
Instead of trying to find, quality, and successfully engage a new client for new work, there’s a much simpler way we want to share with you.
The Solution
Our Editor-in-Chief is hosting a webinar with Outreach Consultant Kai Davis on Thursday, August 18th. They’ll share a dead-simple system and some actionable ideas for finding new work as a freelancer.
The secret? Utilizing your past clients.
When and where
Thursday, August 18th at 11am PST
Besides actually being able to view the webinar, registrants receive a warning before we go live, as well as any extra materials and bonuses we feature. Plus, they get to view the webinar as much as they like before we take it down sometime prior to August 25th.
August 11, 2016
Client: The soundtrack is very loud on the video
Me: Have you tried turning down the volume on your speakers?
Client: Ah, that’s much better!
Back when I worked for a large retail company’s copy center, I was dubbed my particular district’s go-to graphic designer, simply because I could use Photoshop and Illustrator fairly well. Mostly the job was okay, but sometimes we’d get someone terrible. One day, this client arrived unshowered, unshaven, and covered dirt from head to toe.
Client: So I have this really great, earth changing idea! I need YOU to help me design it! It’s going to be HUGE!
Me: Okay, our store’s prices are [price], and generally how this works is: you give us your design specifications like fonts, colors, and imagery. We put it all on this order form, and then I’ll work on it and give you a call when I have the initial proof done, so you can preview it before we continue.
Client: No! It’s a secret! I can’t tell anyone what it is! Not even you!
Me: Sir, I can’t design anything for you if you don’t tell me what I’m supposed to design.
Customer: I’m sending it to the President! It’s going to save lives! It has to be a SECRET.
Me: How is the President going to know what your idea is, if you aren’t going to explain it somewhere in your flyer?
Customer: Oh, he’ll know! I’m including a James Brown song on a CD! He’ll get it.
What he ended up wanting was to sit at the desk beside me and tell me, slowly, painstakingly, and with far too many instances of “that’s not how I spell that word!” what his design was, in as vague a form as he could manage, and without ever actually telling me what the world changing project WAS. And because I was working for a retail establishment, I was forbidden by management from turning this customer away.
He was a hardcore conspiracy theorist and insisted that everything we’d worked on for the day was deleted from the PC entirely, and then he’d come back the following day and want us to start the work from scratch – without charging him for redoing everything. He repeatedly refused to keep copies of the PSD files on disc for his own personal backups. Oh, and, as it turns out, he was living in his van in our parking lot, and would come in to the store every few hours after my shift had ended, asking if I was there.
The moral of the story is: never tell anyone that you can use Photoshop and/or Illustrator.
August 10, 2016
Client: I want the logo to be in Arial Bold, but thinner. It’s too bulky. Also, please make the ‘O’ a target.
Me: It’d make more sense to use a typeface where the O is closer to a circle for the target. A geometric sans for instance, I’ll send you options. I won’t use bold.
Client: Use bold. But make it thinner. Also, make the F the typeface from the first option. Then Arial Bold for the rest.
Me: Here are three options that match what they’re describing. Decide for yourself, but I think you’ll agree that it doesn’t work to make the ‘F’ a different typeface from the rest of the logo.
Client: Fine, we’ll do something else if this presents too many technical obstacles for you.
I’m not sure when it being a terrible idea became my fault, but okay.
A client called today looking for my coworker who is out for a family emergency.
Client: Can you give me her email?
Me: Sure! It’s ‘L,’ ‘M’…
Client: Ok ‘O,’ ‘M’?
Me: No, ‘L,’ ‘M.’
Client: Right, ‘O,’ ‘M.’
Me: No, no, ‘L’ as in Lemon.
Client: ‘O’ like Oliver?
Me: ‘L‘ like for Lemon.
Client: ‘O’ ‘L’ ‘M.’
Me: No, there’s no ‘O.’
Client: Right, ‘O’ ‘L’ ‘M.’
This went on for almost 5 minutes.
August 09, 2016
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I am currently on medical leave because the illness I have was affecting the quality of my work. I explained this to all of my existing clients at the time and either finished up the work or referred them to a list of designers and programmers I trust. All were very understanding and said to call when I was better. Well, all except one client, and I wasn’t currently working on a project for them at the time. He has a history of being rude, sexist, and hard to work with.
Client: Hey I have a new project for you to work on!
Me: Hi! I’m sorry, but as I’ve already told you I am on medical leave. I have referred you to some designers I trust. If you need the project done within the next six months I can’t help you.
Client: Oh I’m sure you will have no problems knocking this one out! All we need is…
The client proceeded to go into great detail over a very complicated project. I tried to interject but he kept talking.
Me: I am sorry, but there is no way I can complete that project. I am just too sick to work.
Client: Oh, we all get colds every now and then I am sure you can just push through.
Me: I have a bacterial infection in my brain, so no I can’t push through. Consider this my final email to you. I no longer wish to continue our working relationship so please do not contact me for any future projects.
Client: Wow someone’s getting a little testy. Is it that time of the month?
I chose not to respond. He emailed me multiple times, including an email saying that none of the designers I recommended would work for him. Sorry that’s what happens when you’re a jackass.
