Round off all of the rectangles — this needs to be kid friendly.
Clients From Hell
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2010-07-29
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2010-07-28
Can you change the font to something kinda funky? It has to be funky.
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You can’t come over to help me with this website thing until the PC guy comes to fix the line running through the screen. He was supposed to come yesterday but I guess he’s part of the fire brigade and apparently there were two fires yesterday. I think it’s great that he’s civil-minded, but shouldn’t business come first? Aren’t his clients more important?
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My first phone conversation with a new client:
Client: ”I love your rough concept! And your estimate’s very reasonable, too — oh, I’m so glad I found you. I’ll be the best client ever, I promise!”
Me: ”Great! Glad you like it.”
Client: ”Do you want to have babies?”
Me: “Pardon?”
Client: ”A friend of mine’s single, she’s super cute and I think you’d get along great. She’s into art and stuff like you are. And she seriously wants kids. I can hook you guys up, seriously!”
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2010-07-27
Looking for Stories
We’re looking for your best and most memorable stories to add as exclusive content to our upcoming book.
If you’ve been waiting to share a particularly horrific story, or if you have any tales relating to lewd and lascivious events, send ‘em in, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get published (anonymously, of course)!
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We really love your portfolio and have decided to add you to our shortlist for the project. Please provide us with three logo concepts for next year’s release and three complete designs for the new model. Each design is to come with three different colour combinations too. Once we get everyone’s ideas, we’ll decide who we want to hire for the job.
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Client: “Look, we have to keep this simple. There should be a big red button for them to click on and then a list of directions to follow. Make it simple.”
Me: “Directions? Directions for what?”
Client: “On how to use the big red button.”
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2010-07-26
Me: “Now, double-click on the little icon that says Internet Explorer.”
Client: “I can’t do that. I’m Christian. I don’t believe in icons.”
Me: “Fine then. Double-click on the little image that says Internet Explorer.”
Client: “Okay.”
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Client: “I really need the site to be more immersive.”
Me: “Okay. Have you played around with the live chat function that I implemented?”
Client: “Hmm… Yes, I played with that. It’s really great, but I really want the client to be sort of ‘sucked in’ to the site.
[Thoughtful Pause]
..Kind of like the little girl in Poltergeist.”
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2010-07-25
Me: “Here are the designs, and, with your approval, we’ll code them and put them up in a couple of days.”
Client: “Why aren’t they up now?”
Me: “We require client approval before we put up the final product, in order to make any changes.”
Client: “I wanted it up yesterday.”
Me: “Well, this is the first time that we’ve had a chance to meet in person and go over the designs.”
Client: “But I wanted it put up yesterday.”
Me: “I had emailed these to you for approval, but you never responded.”
Client: “I thought you would just put it up.”
Me: “Not without your approval, sir.”
Client: “Well, put it up.”
A week later.
Client: “You know what, there are a few changes I need you to make… I can’t believe you put that up.”
