Clients from Hell

Submit your story
May 23, 2013

Client: I don’t know… I don’t like the blue and white together.

Me: What’s the problem with the colors?

Client: It looks Argentinean

Me: So?

Client: And the new pope its Argentinean and we are not a religious firm. So, please, change all the colors.

I was working as a producer for a client who brought in a pool of actors they wanted to use in an upcoming production.

Me: I noticed you have some Asian talent in your headshots you sent us. Do you know what ethnicity they are?

Client: I think this one is Japanese, this one - I think - is Cambodian, and this girl may be Korean.

Me: Do any of them speak their native language?

Client: I think they all speak a little Asian, yeah.

May 22, 2013
"What’s with this invoice? When it comes down to it, all you did was deal with some words, colours, and shapes."

Me: Did you want it printed in CMYK or RGB?

Client: Let’s do RGB, we’re trying to save money.

Me: Trying to save money?

Client: Yeah, three colours should do it. No need to spring for a fourth. 

May 21, 2013
"The sign needs to be a vertical oval, not a horizontal oval like the one you made. But keep the same dimensions - 18” high by 36” wide."
"Inform the Googles we’re launching!"
May 20, 2013

Me: Just a heads up, if you log onto our website, you can see that the site is down. My publisher has been unreliable and I am working as quickly as I can to get the site back up. I’m so sorry for this; I’ll let you know when the article is posted as soon as possible.

Client: Okay. What’s the website again? Sorry.

I give him the URL.

Client: Hey, it says the page is broken!

Me: I just told you it’s down.

Client: I thought you meant it’s DOWN like FRESH! I won’t have this!

"Make the words fly!"
May 19, 2013
"How does someone right-handed left click?"

Client: The site isn’t working right.

Me: That’s strange.

I download a page and take a look at the code.

Me: It looks like a bunch of the code is missing. Did you have anyone modify the site?

Client: No, nothing like that.

Me: Well there are entire chunks of code missing that was there yesterday.

Client: Oh yeah, that was me, some of the code seemed unnecessary. Back to the issue at hand, why isn’t the site working?