Clients from Hell

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April 20, 2014

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I was sent a brief for an email newsletter. Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, the client emailed me this:

Client: Just wondering how the newsletter is coming along. Let me know if you have any questions. We’d like to send something out by tomorrow afternoon. Happy holidays!

"I want the navigation to blend in, yet stand out."
April 19, 2014

Client: I need this ASAP. I know you said you don’t work on the weekends but this is really urgent.

Me: Alright then. I am going to send you an invoice for the extra hours.

Client: What? You said you didn’t work at the weekend! I don’t want to pay for stuff you do in your free time.

Client: Why is my website green? You know that isn’t the color of my brand.

Me: I’m not sure what you mean. There’s no green anywhere on your site.

Client: Not on my website. The Website itself.

Me:

Client: On Google. When I search my company the website name is green. It has to be brown. Same goes for the blue link. That has to change as well.

April 18, 2014

One of my other clients referred this one to me.

Client: Do you think we can meet?

Me: Sure, I’m available after 6:00pm.

Client: Okay, come by to my house at 5:00pm.

For the record, he lives over an hour away.

Me: I said I’m available after 6:00pm.

Client: Okay, well, why don’t you come to my house at 5:00pm, and then I’ll drive you home.

At this point the whole “come to my house” thing started sounding a little weird to me.

Me: I think we better meet at a middle point, let’s say the coffee shop around the subway station. It’ll have to be after 6:00pm.

Client: Okay, sounds good. I’ll pick you up at the coffee shop and we can come to my house.

Me: Sorry, but I have to ask - why do you want me to come to your house?

Client: … I’ll call you next week to set another meeting.

The client never called me or emailed me again.

"Push the design envelope. Use your right brain. Maximise feasibility."
April 17, 2014

In 2010, I discussed doing VFX for a client’s feature-length film. I gave him an estimate, time frame, and a PO Box to mail a hard drive of raw footage to. He promised to send the footage within the week.

Three years later, I received a bubble wrap envelope from the client. The envelope contained a single CD, with no case or paper envelope protecting it.

The only file on the CD was a single JPG image. It was a picture of a hand-written note taken on a webcam.
The client, thinking the webcam would flip the image, wrote the entire note backwards; every letter, every word, every sentence, all of it was written from right to left.

 The note (to the best of my reading ability) said:

Client: Here is the footage, like we discussed. Call me before you start.

[Book] Clients From Hell 2 is now FREE FOR FANS!

You know who I love? You.

Well, not ‘you’ specifically. You the community. The community’s been great! But I see you as my purely platonic friend. Anyways!

You know what you do for the ones you love? If you answered “build a relationship based on trust and mutual interests,” you are wrong and you will die alone. No, you give them free stuff!

In all seriousness, freelancing isn’t easy. We have thousands of stories to support that. Besides being a collection of our best anecdotes, Clients From Hell 2 features a lot of content you won’t see on the site, in addition to a lot of practical advice for freelancing. And that’s why our latest book is now free, forever. Just sign up for our newsletter and expect a code for your free copy of the e-book.

As an added bonus (and in response to reader requests), I have converted Clients From Hell 2 into every e-reader format I could find.

If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. 

Sign up and we’ll send you our latest book for FREE.

April 16, 2014
"If you want to get totally stoned one night and just go super metal on the whole site, I’m cool with that."
Anyone have a source for this one? It was submitted without context.

Anyone have a source for this one? It was submitted without context.