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Clients from Hell

April 22, 2016

My client was late on payment. I’d several PayPal invoices in hopes to collect payment, but they swore they’d mailed payment. I asked what address they sent them to.

Client: I sent it to 2211 N 1st Street, San Jose, CA 95131, United States, as per your invoice.

Me: That’s Paypal’s corporate office.

I work for a hotel amenities company designing custom toiletries, like shampoo and conditioner. We offer free design services so our clients get an idea of what their custom program will look like before they commit to a contract.

One particular client forwarded us a design done for them by one of our competitors. They said that they “didn’t like that the logo was just slapped onto the bottles.” They were giving us a chance to take their project and create something more “designed”. 

Please keep in mind most of these products are 1oz with very little room to design on, so it’s not always the easiest to really do much. Still, I felt up to the challenge. I began working right away comparing my designs to the competitors and making sure I displayed the logo in an interesting way. I finished the presentation and sent it to the client for their review.

A few weeks passed and they finally sent us feedback. They loved one of my options and would like some changes on another one. Unfortunately, the option they loved was my least favorite. In fact, I was almost hesitant to send it because the logo was on the front underneath the ingredient name – nothing “designed” about it.

The second design they wanted “changes” to was, in my opinion, the most unique and designed. I had taken the logo and cropped it into a frame, creating a nice graphic that fit very well with their bathrooms. The client wanted me to take it out of the frame and just “place it on the tube.” Or, in other words, to “just slap it on the bottle.”

At that moment I felt all of the creativity just drain out of my body. Then I went home and poured a glass of wine. And another. And another.

I feel better now.

April 21, 2016

Want to Start Freelancing? Here’s how.

We are constantly asked how to get started freelancing. I’d love to point would-be freelancers to a site or tool that adequately addresses the issue, but I’ve yet to find one that accomplishes what I think it needs to. 

So I built one that does. 

Introducing the Clients From Hell course for first-time freelancers: Start Freelancing

(creative name, I know)

image

What the Start Freelancing course offers:

This course offers everything a first-time freelancer needs to succeed with their budding business. Artist? Designer? Coder? Regardless of craft or career, this course can help you kickstart your freelancing career.

It covers everything I wish I knew in my first year of freelancing through a combination of direction and knowledge that’s essential to success. 

To be clear: I don’t think you’re going to finish this course and be a seven-figure freelancer in your first year. I do think that anyone who engages with the courses’ easy-to-understand series of lessons, actionable advice, and proven strategies will have the tools necessary to succeed with their business. But, like a business, this course will require you to put the time and effort in. 

At it’s most basic, the Start Freelancing course is a bundle of all the tools, techniques, and knowledge I wish I had in my first year of freelancing. It also offers direction and guidance, in addition to a whole bunch of extras

What’s included:

In addition to a comprehensive series of lessons, you’ll get exclusive access to:

  • Freelancer tools, including templates, contracts, and email scripts
  • Colleagues and community, thanks to exclusive access to the Clients From Hell Slack group
  • Accountability lessons, a series of follow-up assignments meant to keep you engaged and on track
  • Exclusive savings on all future resources, including our popular book guides and upcoming courses.

Important details:

The course launches Monday, May 23rd. For this course to be the best it can be, we’re soliciting questions right up until the official launch! 

> Add your freelancing question here!

There are a limited number of spots available. Currently, we are looking at 50 students as the limit for this first run. The current priority is to ensure that anyone who signs up gets the attention they need to succeed. 

> Check out the course here. 

I did some translating for a client, and everything went smoothly. I sent them a .doc file containing the finished work.

Client: Great! Could you send it as a PDF though?

I sent the PDF.

Client: Great! But this one can’t be copied with a mouse, it’s like an image. 

Me: (baffled) …What?

Client: Never mind, I clicked my mouse this time and it worked.

April 20, 2016

I worked with a client that we all suspected was a bit racist, so when she needed some stock Halloween photography for a promotion I decided to test her limits and see how racist she really was.

Client: I need a picture of kids, or just one, but really cute and with a nice costume. I want fun and classy, ok? No tacky costumes or anything.

I showed her the first option, an eight year old Asian girl with a beautiful purple/blue monster costume.

Client: Um, no. She’s ugly.

I was already shocked, but then I showed her the second option, a five year old black boy dressed up as a superhero in a really a cool white and blue suit.

Client: Oh, no. Next.

The third option were two Hispanic children, ages five and three, dressed as a fairy and an elf.

Client: Ugh, these kids are disgusting.  You know what? Just find me a picture of a pumpkin.

She really, truly believed that non-white children were “disgusting.”  

She was fired not long after for unrelated (?) issues and I kept working with the company. She should count her blessings - I’m Hispanic, and she won’t have to work with someone as disgusting as me anymore.

I do graphic work. One client often asks me to help create presentations.

Client: I need you to pretty this up for me. I’m not sold on the layout, so if you want to tweak it, that’s fine.

He sends me a practically incomprehensible diagram. I came up with a new design that makes more sense, and I send a couple sketches of it back to him for approval.

Client: I like it, but it needs some tweaks. Can you finish both the one I sent you and this, but make yours look more like this? I need these ASAP.

He sends me my second sketch, recreated in PowerPoint smart art.

Me: Yes, but I have other urgent priorities too, and if I do both of these right now, it’s going to eat up my entire day. Which one would you like to see first?

Client: I don’t understand, why will it take you a couple of hours each? It only took me 20 minutes to make this in PowerPoint.

Me: Because PowerPoint is not graphics software, and I take some amount of pride in my work?

April 19, 2016
"Call me if you don’t get this email."

— Instructions in an email.

Client: I don’t understand why you have turned off all our servers! We have already paid for this month!

Me: The system is automated, but I’ll look into what may have happened for you.

I pulled up their information, and identified the issue.

Me: It looks like you have paid for the helpdesk hours, but not for the hosting service.

Client: But that’s ridiculous! We paid for that last month so that means we are covered for all of this month!

Me: The month of services that you pay for begins on the day of the billing cycle.

Client: Exactly! And we already payed you last month!

Me: And what date did you pay that on?

Client: The 16th of September.

Me: And it’s now the 23rd of October.

Client: Yes but… You know what? Fine! Fine! We’ll pay! I don’t care we’ll just pay!

An Artist’s Guide to Freelancing


Giselle Clarkson joins me to discuss how she became a freelance illustrator who produces art for children, drawings for grown-ups, editorial illustrations, prints, comics, and more. 

Interested in transitioning from university to working for yourself in a few years? This conversation is a good place to start. 

Questions? Episode ideas?

Talk to Clients From Hell or Bryce Bladon on Twitter. Or shoot us an email

Self-employed? Want to make more money?

We have a new book out called Hell to Pay.

It’s everything a freelancer needs to know about money, like how to bill clients, negotiate rates, and make most the most money for the least amount of time. 

CHECK IT OUT

(use coupon code CFHPodcast to save 40% on the non-discounted price!)

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Download here!

April 18, 2016

Turnaround is NOT fair play

A long-time client of our studio had a competitor rip off the packaging design we’d produced for him. He was mad, we were mad.

In the midst of the ensuing lawsuit, our client decided that the best way to satisfy his desire for revenge was to rip off his competitor’s packaging for a different product. He approached us to replicate their work, from the design and color palette on down, assuring us that any legal fallout would be entirely on him.

Needless to say, our lawyer was not impressed.