Client: So, are you (whispers) Native American?
Client: Wow, what percentage?
Client: Wow. So does that mean both of your parents were (whispers) natives? Wow. What tribe?
Client: Hmm, I’ve never heard of them. Is that like Cherokee or Muckleshoot?
Me: Navajo, as in the code-talkers of World War II. Ever heard of them?
Client: No. Weird. I’m really interested in this because I do Native American things too. Everyone just things I’m stoned.
The client then stood up and walked away.
This was my first meeting with her. We never even got to discuss the project.
I was designing a poster that featured a cartoonish illustration of a pregnant woman. The client’s response:
Client: I LOVE IT!!! GO FOR IT!!!!!! MORE BELLY!! LESS BOOB!!!! :)
About 15 minutes later, client replies:
Client: Actually, the boob is not BAD!!!! :D
Client: Hey, can you retouch photos? I’ve got my album cover photo but it needs some minor touch-up. Zits and stuff.
Me: Sure, let me take a look.
Client: So just remove that blemish on my nose, and the zit on my forehead.
Me: No problem.
Client: Also, I forgot to shave, so take care of my stubble.
Me: Stubbles not the easiest thing to remove -
Client: Ah, well my sideburns and hairstyle could use some help too.
Me: Well -
Client: And how do you think I’d look with sunglasses and different clothes? You know, this is getting ridiculous – just let me see some options.
— (editor’s note: this story is a repeat. It will be deleted by the end of the day. Apologies.)
Client: I don’t know… I don’t like the blue and white together.
Me: What’s the problem with the colors?
Client: It looks Argentinean
Client: And the new pope its Argentinean and we are not a religious firm. So, please, change all the colors.
I was working as a producer for a client who brought in a pool of actors they wanted to use in an upcoming production.
Me: I noticed you have some Asian talent in your headshots you sent us. Do you know what ethnicity they are?
Client: I think this one is Japanese, this one - I think - is Cambodian, and this girl may be Korean.
Me: Do any of them speak their native language?
Client: I think they all speak a little Asian, yeah.
Me: Did you want it printed in CMYK or RGB?
Client: Let’s do RGB, we’re trying to save money.
Me: Trying to save money?
Client: Yeah, three colours should do it. No need to spring for a fourth.