I was designing a poster that featured a cartoonish illustration of a pregnant woman. The client’s response:
Client: I LOVE IT!!! GO FOR IT!!!!!! MORE BELLY!! LESS BOOB!!!! :)
About 15 minutes later, client replies:
Client: Actually, the boob is not BAD!!!! :D
Client: Hey, can you retouch photos? I’ve got my album cover photo but it needs some minor touch-up. Zits and stuff.
Me: Sure, let me take a look.
Client: So just remove that blemish on my nose, and the zit on my forehead.
Me: No problem.
Client: Also, I forgot to shave, so take care of my stubble.
Me: Stubbles not the easiest thing to remove -
Client: Ah, well my sideburns and hairstyle could use some help too.
Me: Well -
Client: And how do you think I’d look with sunglasses and different clothes? You know, this is getting ridiculous – just let me see some options.
"The sign needs to be a vertical oval, not a horizontal oval like the one you made. But keep the same dimensions 18” high by 36” wide."
— (editor’s note: this story is a repeat. It will be deleted by the end of the day. Apologies.)
Client: I don’t know… I don’t like the blue and white together.
Me: What’s the problem with the colors?
Client: It looks Argentinean
Client: And the new pope its Argentinean and we are not a religious firm. So, please, change all the colors.
I was working as a producer for a client who brought in a pool of actors they wanted to use in an upcoming production.
Me: I noticed you have some Asian talent in your headshots you sent us. Do you know what ethnicity they are?
Client: I think this one is Japanese, this one - I think - is Cambodian, and this girl may be Korean.
Me: Do any of them speak their native language?
Client: I think they all speak a little Asian, yeah.
"What’s with this invoice? When it comes down to it, all you did was deal with some words, colours, and shapes."
Me: Did you want it printed in CMYK or RGB?
Client: Let’s do RGB, we’re trying to save money.
Me: Trying to save money?
Client: Yeah, three colours should do it. No need to spring for a fourth.
"The sign needs to be a vertical oval, not a horizontal oval like the one you made. But keep the same dimensions - 18” high by 36” wide."
"Inform the Googles we’re launching!"
Me: Just a heads up, if you log onto our website, you can see that the site is down. My publisher has been unreliable and I am working as quickly as I can to get the site back up. I’m so sorry for this; I’ll let you know when the article is posted as soon as possible.
Client: Okay. What’s the website again? Sorry.
I give him the URL.
Client: Hey, it says the page is broken!
Me: I just told you it’s down.
Client: I thought you meant it’s DOWN like FRESH! I won’t have this!