Client: I tried as hard as I could, but I can’t access my domain.
Me: You know the URL, correct?
Client: Yes, and I keep typing in what you told me, but it won’t link me to my domain.
Me: Why don’t you tell me exactly what you typed?
Client: Sure, I typed uuuuuudotsampledotkom.
"Not sure what file type they come out as, but we do all our graphic work in Paint."
Client: With the new website and my marketing plan, we should be able to double our turnover.
Me: That’s great! Can you send me the marketing plan before I start on the website?
Client: Actually, I was hoping you could write that.
Client: Remind me to work on this stuff tomorrow.
Me: Hey, here’s your reminder. Let’s work on the stuff you mentioned yesterday
Client: Who are you to tell me what to do?
Me: You told me to remind you.
Client: Don’t tell me my business.
"How much space will a 487MB file take up?"
Me: Just go on to our website and select the “My Account” button.
Client: I don’t see it.
Me: It’s on the black banner, in the top right corner
Client: I’m looking, I don’t see it!
Me: Are you on our website?
Me: Can you please go to the website?
Client: No, I’m not at my computer
Me: We sent you the campaign proposal a few weeks ago and haven’t received a response. Have you guys seen it? Remember that if you didn’t like it, we can do an alternative.
Client: We haven’t seen it. Do an alternative
"If I pay you half that amount, can you complete it in half the time?"
Client: Instead, I’d like you to put three images there.
Me: Okay, we’ll need to make them a little smaller to fit in the same space.
Client: No, no… I want them the same size as the current ones.
Me: OK, then we can expand the space where the images are being placed.
Client: No! I want the same space, but with three images of the same size as the current ones.
Logo designs were presented for a grassroots group dedicated to creating an alliance between local food producers and farmers.
Me: I’m sorry to hear that the committee doesn’t find the logo designs inspiring. I wonder if you could give me some more guidance? All I have for feedback is that “they need more oomph.”
Client: Well, they’re just a little plain. Can’t you add a knife and fork? Or maybe a wheat sheaf? The group felt they need a little jazzing up. Anyway, we’re not really sure what we mean. But you’re the artist, so hopefully this will help you refine it.