A client contracted me to provide computer graphics for a video production because their previous vendor “wasn’t giving them enough attention.”
They cancelled a meeting to discuss the parameters of the project. Afterwards, I contacted them multiple times by phone to set up another meeting. No calls were returned. After all this, they cancel the second meeting we had arranged when I was initially contracted.
The client finally called to say that they were upset that I missed the deadline to submit a budget.
I told them that without having had a meeting or so much as a conversation, I know no idea of the budget or even the full scope of the project. The client (impatiently) gave a list of items over the phone that they want a bid for. The bid is completed and sent to them after a couple of hours.
The client then called to cancel the project, stating that I “wasn’t giving them enough attention.”
"You probably won’t get paid for this. We’ll provide most of the supplies, though."
This was a back-and-forth email chain I had with a French client after I sent him my quote.
Client: I am interested to work with you, but I refuse any upfront payment for something that is a pure service. Please modify your proposal accordingly.
Me: I’m sorry, but this is how I work, since fixed-price payments are not guaranteed.
Client: ”This is how I work?” The payment isn’t guaranteed, but neither is the quality of work. There is a South African designer with the same rate as yours, who accepts work without any down payment, and his portfolio is bigger than yours, and I’m also considering him a candidate. I put you on top of my list because you are French and because you are a woman. Never mind, I’ll let you work “this way” with others. I went out of my way to put you on top of my list and this is how you treat me? Such a human misery.
Client: I know you’ve asked me not to bother you with my internet problems, but there’s a problem with accessing the site I can’t figure out. I can’t access the internet at all, and I even tried changing my IP.
Me: How did you change the IP?
Client: I crossed out the existing one on the back of the router and wrote a new one in.
"How about 15000 rupees"
Client’s response when I quoted him for £15,000.
Editor’s Note: 15000 rupees is about £150.
Client: The site isn’t accepting a date I’m trying to put in.
Me: What date is that?
Client: November 31st 2014.
Me: Oh, that’s because that’s not a valid date.
Client: What do you mean “not a valid date?” It’s an annual event and an important date to me. What’s changed that it’s no longer “valid?”
Me: November only has 30 days. Always has, as far as I know.
Client: …you should put a note on the website to avoid these situations.
Client: I like the design, but it feels pretty “texty”.
Me: Yeah, I could see that. There’s quite a bit of content that you want on here, so it’s going to be hard for it to not look text heavy. How ‘bout I try making the text smaller and add some images to break it up?
Client: No, no, no! Don’t! The text is already too small! Can you make the text bigger?
Me: You want all of the text bigger?
Me: And you want me to make it feel like there is less text?
Client: Yes! You’re getting it!
"QUALITY IS THE TRUE TEST OF CHEAPNESS!"
Press ad for a local butcher who absolutely insisted that the slogan on his advert should be the above.
Client: I like this design, but the reflection in your mirror rendering is a little confusing. Could you just show it as a mirror color?
Me: You mean a like a gradient grey?
Client: No, I don’t want them to think we’re giving them artwork there. Just use a mirror color.
Me: Sure! Do me a favor though? Head into the bathroom and look at the mirror in there. Report back and tell me what color it is, and I’ll use that.
Client: Can you revise the employee guidebook for me?
Attached was the entire 50-page guidebook file, titled guidebook_with_revisions.
Me: I can’t seem to see the changes or proposed revisions. Can you highlight them?
Client: I thought I did.
Client: Well, I can’t now, and I don’t remember what they were.