A client wanted a new logo. Something totally different, but ‘really trendy’. They wanted a total departure from the current logo. When I asked for information regarding target audience, style, company information, etc., they were ‘too busy’ and they said I had complete creative freedom.
After having the client approve some typefaces, colours and shapes, I was told to avoid round shapes and the current colour scheme. I sent my first mockup. Three days later, I received an email.
Client: This is what we’ll consider to be the new logo.
Attached was an image of the old logo, with a circle around it.
Client: I’m getting taken to a not found  page when I click on this link. Can you fix it?
Me: Sure, what is it supposed to link to?
Client: Oh, I haven’t created that page yet.
"Wife’s affair and illegitimate child."
On an intake form, under “topics client wants to avoid”
Me: You can type the street number and name here
Client: Do I put a period or comma?
Me: You don’t type any punctuation in this field.
Client: Should I type a comma or spell out “comma”.
"I saw something on TV, either BBC 1, 2, 3, 4, Channel 4 or Channel 5. Maybe something sports-related. It had triangles… Can you do something like that for me?"
I was contracted to illustrate a comic for a client. One the checks I received wasn’t signed. Worth noting is that this client happens to be an investment banker.
Me: Hey, I’m going to have to come around to your office tomorrow. I received my check today, but you neglected to sign it.
Client: Oh. I figured the bank could just handle that.
"Please change/alter the photo of the woman holding her breast with the man behind her. I actually like this picture, the only thing I don’t like is that it look kind of porn-ish. It looks like he’s doin’ a tit grab from behind and about to bang her. Is there any way we can change the “bang each other” look of the photo to something more family friendly? If not, I’m sure you have some family friendly but still breast-grabbing options, right?"
— via a submitter who, unfortunately, didn’t include the photo or any indication of what the photo was for
I was building a website that used several circular buttons for navigation.
Client: Can we make them look more like spheres? Like, more “3D” if you get what I’m saying.
I added shading and highlights to the buttons, and, credit to the client, the result looked great.
At my next meeting with the client, he seemed indifferent about the new look. I asked him what he didn’t like.
Client: They look okay… but can you remove all the gradient and highlighting? It takes away from the 3D effect.
I quoted a potential client for some work and hadn’t heard back.
Then, I got the following email from the client’s wife, sent to her husband (with me CC’d by accident):
Client: Can’t we just get find cheap Mexican to do it for, like, 20 bucks?
My quoted price was $5000. Needless to say, I never heard back from the client again.