Clients from Hell

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October 02, 2014
"It know it wasn’t in the brief, but can you just…"

You’re Doing It Wrong

A client provided me with a “flipbook” of paper samples (made in Flash), and asked me to upload it to their website. Sure enough, it consisted of page after page of the exact same image, with the names of different paper stocks on each one.

October 01, 2014
"What the hell is a jay-peg? Do you mean a jay-pee-gee?"

— A client who runs a photography website

Client: Hey! We need a digital artist to color a sketch one of our guys made. It’s the eight of us as superheroes. Would you be able to do that?

Me: Yes, but eight characters would take time to color.

Client: Oh, that’s okay. We need it next week. How does $5 sound?

I give him a look.

Client: $6?

September 30, 2014

Email from client: Spelling error on the logo… Center is the correct spelling.

Manager, Cultural Centre

(It should  be noted it’s spelled centre on the building and in the client’s own email signature. This happened in Canada, where we usually use the British spelling.)

I created a simple web banner for a client and sent it off a .jpg via email for approval.

The client printed out the .jpg, took that paper and put it in a typewriter. Yes, an honest-to-goodness typewriter, and penned a short approval note and a query of “when would this be printed?”

The client then scanned the paper with the printed .jpg and typed note before they emailed me back a PDF as an attachment to an email that just stated, “Please see attached.”

September 29, 2014
Another one via Jesse

Another one via Jesse

Me: Just to remind you that, as we discussed, I’m sending my invoice a couple of days early because I’m going away on holiday. It still has the same deadline though - I’m just getting all my admin sorted before I go.

Client: What you really mean is that you need spending money for your holiday?

Me: No, not at all. I’m just getting everything sorted before I leave. The invoice isn’t due until a couple of days after I get back.

Client: It’s okay. You don’t need to get defensive. I’ll pay your invoice this afternoon, as long as you tell your kids that Uncle Client is the one paying for their ice creams.

Me: I think I’ll tell them that mummy is paying for their ice creams by providing a copywriting service that people pay for.

Client: Ha! Yes, you tell them that if it makes you feel better.

September 28, 2014

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Client: There’s a problem with your invoice.

Me: Oh? What’s the problem?

Client: Well, I can’t actually pay it. You see, the thing is that I knew I didn’t have the money when I got you to do the job but - and I might not have mentioned this - I’m a big believer in the Laws of Attraction. So, anyway, I told the universe that I needed to manifest the money to pay you, but it turns out the universe wasn’t listening. Don’t worry, I’m going to work really hard on manifesting when I get back. I’ll pay you as soon as I can.

Me: Back from where?

Client: From holiday! Did I not tell you? It’s so exciting - my husband and I are going to a resort for three weeks. The universe decided we need a break.