Clients From Hell

Month

January 2010

A client is worried that someone will steal their logo from their website. They need us to protect the logo somehow and are willing to pay to have the right mouse button disabled.

Dec 31, 200933 notes
“I SAID MAKE IT BLUE NOT BABY BLUE!” —
Dec 31, 200921 notes

December 2009

Client: Our site has been hacked! There are little orange boxes on it!

Me: Yes, those indicate RSS feeds. You’ll see them on all major sites.

Client: Well, we should remove them, they look like hacking.

Dec 31, 200951 notes
We Own the Sky

My client was an outdoor events company and upon seeing a competitor using a blue sky in their advertising, emailed me telling me to call this company and let them know that they had to change the colour of the sky in their ads,”because we own copyright of blue skies in this country so no-one else can use them”.

Dec 31, 200936 notes
“Can you make each page on our website fade in and fade out when you click on a link? You know…like PowerPoint?” —
Dec 31, 200925 notes
“Last night I was sleeping and Jesus came to me in my dream and had this image in his hand. He said that he has blessed this image and this image only for the book. If I use any other image I am going against the will of our lord.” —
Dec 31, 200935 notes
“Can we change the green of her shoes red to feminize it?” —
Dec 30, 200910 notes
Another red flag...

Client: We have to put graphic boards together for the presentation…should we use Times New Roman or Arial?

Dec 30, 200918 notes

Client: You see where you have a full stop at the end of the first sentence?

Me: Yes.

Client: Can you change it to a comma?

Me: Er, well I can, but you should put a full stop at the end of a sentence.

Client: Oh, that grammar stuff is very old fashioned.

Dec 30, 200962 notes
“You gave us ‘70’s… We wanted millennium” —
Dec 30, 200916 notes
“The video looks great! Now upload it to youtube and make it go viral.” —
Dec 30, 200952 notes
“I briefed you yesterday, and you guys haven’t still given me the first cut? atleast e-mail me the copy. How much time does it take to write copy? 10 minutes to think + 10 minutes to write + 10 minutes to verify. I am expecting atleast 15-20 copy options for the time you’ve taken.” —
Dec 30, 200925 notes

CLIENT: “We LOVE what you’ve created.  The only change we would like to see, is on the second video.  Can you remove the music and just make it so we can slide through the photos at our own pace, that way we can talk through them?”

ME: “Yes, that’s possible. It’s called a Power Point.”

Dec 30, 200928 notes

Client: We are not moving forward with the project, the shopping cart doesn’t meet our needs.

Me: Ok there is still a balance due on the project that needs to be paid.

Client: We don’t see it that way, so we aren’t going to pay.

Me: Completed work does need to be paid for.

Client: Again, we don’t see it that way.

Dec 29, 200936 notes
“The logo with the goose and buoy should be the main focus of the ad. Make sure to have some fried chicken legs somewhere. Add a few lady bugs, maybe two or more? The company’s main color is yellow. Also, please make this christmas themed.” —
Dec 29, 200951 notes
“Can you make it red, but not red, you know? And maybe try a primary color, like green.” —
Dec 29, 200958 notes
“Is $300 a fair price for your time? Or if you want, I can pay you in X-Men comics as I have a few grand worth gathering dust!” —
Dec 29, 200964 notes
“I want it to be small enough to not be too noticeable but bright enough to draw the eye.” —
Dec 29, 200919 notes
“I want exactly that but different.” —
Dec 29, 200951 notes
“The grass in your rendering looks too clean cut and cared for. The maintenance crew doesn’t want to guarantee that it will be kept up that well. Can you make it more overgrown and brown with some dead patches in it?” —
Dec 28, 200964 notes
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