A client is worried that someone will steal their logo from their website. They need us to protect the logo somehow and are willing to pay to have the right mouse button disabled.
January 2010
“I SAID MAKE IT BLUE NOT BABY BLUE!”
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December 2009
Client: Our site has been hacked! There are little orange boxes on it!
Me: Yes, those indicate RSS feeds. You’ll see them on all major sites.
Client: Well, we should remove them, they look like hacking.
We Own the Sky
My client was an outdoor events company and upon seeing a competitor using a blue sky in their advertising, emailed me telling me to call this company and let them know that they had to change the colour of the sky in their ads,”because we own copyright of blue skies in this country so no-one else can use them”.
“Can you make each page on our website fade in and fade out when you click on a link? You know…like PowerPoint?”
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“Last night I was sleeping and Jesus came to me in my dream and had this image in his hand. He said that he has blessed this image and this image only for the book. If I use any other image I am going against the will of our lord.”
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“Can we change the green of her shoes red to feminize it?”
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Another red flag...
Client: We have to put graphic boards together for the presentation…should we use Times New Roman or Arial?
Client: You see where you have a full stop at the end of the first sentence?
Me: Yes.
Client: Can you change it to a comma?
Me: Er, well I can, but you should put a full stop at the end of a sentence.
Client: Oh, that grammar stuff is very old fashioned.
“You gave us ‘70’s… We wanted millennium”
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“The video looks great! Now upload it to youtube and make it go viral.”
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“I briefed you yesterday, and you guys haven’t still given me the first cut? atleast e-mail me the copy. How much time does it take to write copy? 10 minutes to think + 10 minutes to write + 10 minutes to verify. I am expecting atleast 15-20 copy options for the time you’ve taken.”
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CLIENT: “We LOVE what you’ve created. The only change we would like to see, is on the second video. Can you remove the music and just make it so we can slide through the photos at our own pace, that way we can talk through them?”
ME: “Yes, that’s possible. It’s called a Power Point.”
Client: We are not moving forward with the project, the shopping cart doesn’t meet our needs.
Me: Ok there is still a balance due on the project that needs to be paid.
Client: We don’t see it that way, so we aren’t going to pay.
Me: Completed work does need to be paid for.
Client: Again, we don’t see it that way.
“The logo with the goose and buoy should be the main focus of the ad. Make sure to have some fried chicken legs somewhere. Add a few lady bugs, maybe two or more? The company’s main color is yellow. Also, please make this christmas themed.”
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“Can you make it red, but not red, you know? And maybe try a primary color, like green.”
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“Is $300 a fair price for your time? Or if you want, I can pay you in X-Men comics as I have a few grand worth gathering dust!”
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“I want it to be small enough to not be too noticeable but bright enough to draw the eye.”
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“I want exactly that but different.”
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“The grass in your rendering looks too clean cut and cared for. The maintenance crew doesn’t want to guarantee that it will be kept up that well. Can you make it more overgrown and brown with some dead patches in it?”
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