Client: I need a banner with my podcast logo on it and a caricature of me in the lower left. Gonna use it for my [streaming service] videos.
Me: No problem, how big is the banner going to be and do you know who will be printing it?
I’ve made it a habit to ask my clients who is printing their work, as some online printing services like you to use their templates for sizing and formatting.
Client: Uh, I have no idea, let me measure.
Me: OK, while you’re doing that, can you forward me a picture of yourself I can use for reference when I draw you?
The client sends me a picture of himself wearing a hat, thick glasses, and most of his face obscured by a giant black microphone.
Me: So if I’m going to be drawing your face, I’d like to be able to see your face?
Client: Oh yeah, Haha, that makes sense. Just a minute.
Ten minutes later he sends a picture of his face, no hat or glasses. He’s got the blankest expression I’ve ever seen, and his face is covered in thick stubble. Regardless, I draw a picture of him making that same face and send it back to him two days later.
Client: Ugh, I look so old in this. Why did you draw me with a scruffy beard? Also I’m famous for my smile, why aren’t I smiling?
Me: …ok, please send me a picture of you shaved and smiling then. Did you get that info I asked for yet?
Client: They said to just send a PDF.
Me: …what size? And who is printing it?
Client: I dunno, I didn’t measure yet. Let me get back to you.
He sends me a picture of him, no hat or accessories, just smiling. I re-draw the caricature and send it back. He gets back to me two days later.
Client: It looks alright I guess, but where’s the hat and sunglasses? I’m famous for my hat and sunglasses. Also there should be a microphone over my mouth.
Me (internally): …the mouth you’re famous for smiling with?
Me: OK I’ll get those added. Did you get the measurements?
Client: Yeah, they said to just send a PDF.
Me: WHO said this, and WHAT SIZE should I format the PDF?
Client: I dunno, what’s a good size you think?
Me: You tell me, you’re the one that has to frame the shot for the video.
Client: Good point, let me do some measurements.
I re-draw the caricature AGAIN, making sure I add every detail as specified. I even manage to improvise and draw him from a different angle so his “famous smile” can be visible next to the microphone. Two more days pass and I send the caricature to the client again.
Client: OK, this looks cool. Love it! The banner should be 3 feet tall, four feet wide.
THANK YOU I think to myself. I assemble the banner (and end up having to re-do it a couple times because he’s not happy with the layout he specifically told me to give him). Afterwards, I finally get his PDF created and exported to him. A day later, I get this message:
Client: They said you were supposed to use their template. Also you didn’t add my [local sports team] hoodie to the caricature. I’m famous for that! How fast can you fix this?
Me: *head-desks myself to sleep*