Will you need to be paid in currency?
So this client asked me to come over so I could work in the same office as her. I told her that, because she lived extremely far away, it could get really expensive really fast.
Still, she wanted me to come over, so I did. It went as well as working a foot away from your client can.
Once she received my invoice, she rang me up.
Client: How come I have to pay so much?
Me: Because I had to travel such an obscene distance to get to you.
Client: But this is a lot more expensive than I thought it would be.
Me: I warned you beforehand that it was going to get this expensive.
Client: But I thought, because you’re just starting out, you would ask a severely reduced price…
Me: I explicitly told you how much I would ask for prior to doing so.
Client: How was I supposed know you would stick to that?
Look, my main goal in life is to keep feeding my three kids and a fat wife that likes to eat like an elephant. So if you can lower your rates, I can work with you and still do that.
Client: Yes, we like the logo, but we are not sure about it. We will think and compare it with ours.
Me: Ok, no problem. Take your time and let me know! If you decide to use it, I’ll send my invoice for the remaining balance alongside the .eps and a variety of high-quality formats.
Client: Could you send us the .eps and HD formats now? It will help us think.
Client: I know how easy it is to set this up, I used WordPress a couple of years ago. You just need to add a couple of plugins and copy my content. It takes no effort or skill. Frankly, I think you should do it for free.
Me: Sorry, I can’t go lower than my already-reduced rate of £20/hour.
Client: Can you at least come down to £10/hour?
Me: Sorry, £20 is as low as I can go.
Client: Fine, I’ll do it myself.
A couple of days later…
Client: Look, whatever, I’ll pay your ridiculous rates. Here’s what I need.
Me: Okay, great. I’ll get started first thing on Monday.
Client: I need it by Monday.
Note: It was Saturday.
Second Note: After I read the content, the client claimed that they specialize in Ecommerce and web development. Judging by the difficulty they had tweaking a WordPress site, something doesn’t add up here.
Client: I want know where you people get off charging me $6,300!?
Me: I’m sorry ma'am, did you say you received a bill for $6,300?
Client: Yes! I can’t believe you a**holes can charge that much!
Me: Are you sure it’s from us?
Client: Yes! I have it right in front of me.
Me: Okay, what’s the date of service?
Client: The 11th of last month.
Me: It looks like you only owe the remaining $46 from your bill.
Client: Well someone fu**ed up! I’m sitting here staring at a fu**ing bill for $6,397.
Me: Okay ma'am, calm down. Are you sure the bill is from us?
Client: Yes, I’m sure you fu**ing idiot. It says right here…Oh where the f*** is it? Here! Chase bank Card Member Services.
Me: Ma'am, would that be your Visa bill you’re looking at?
The sound of a phone hanging up answered my question.
*Editor’s note: For the sake of keeping this submission anonymous (and legal), I had to remove a few details.
I submitted a series of spec samples to a client regarding a project he wanted to pursue.
Client: I’m not a fan of any of these. The one with the pink is okay, but the pink itself is pretty lame.
Me: There isn’t any pink in my samples.
Client: Oh! This is another designer’s work.
He then opens my samples.
Client: These are great! But, we need to talk about your quote.
Me: What’s the issue?
Client: Well, I know at least one designer willing to work for less.
Client: Would it be okay if I paid you in a month?
Me: That’s fine, the invoice is has a 30 day pay period.
Client: Great, that’s when my Kickstarter will be finished and I’ll have money to blow.
I was working on a photography job that required driving from one locations with my client/subject. My rate included gas money.
Client: But you are also driving, so we should split the money.
Me: Do you also say that to a taxi driver?
I make some of my living writing documentary scripts. A client approached me with a rush job, asking what my daily rate was. I replied, and explained I could probably turn it around in a couple of hours.
Client: But that’s more than we pay our video editor, and that’s someone with a real skill!