This is a chat I just had from someone who found me on LinkedIn.

Client: Since COVID you probably have a lot of free time, huh? Are you desperate for work?

Me: Things have definitely slowed down a bit. Is there anything you need help with?

She sent back a long-winded message about how she needs a rebranding for her business that is coming back from bankruptcy.

Me: That's in my wheelhouse and sounds like a very interesting project! What's your budget for this?

Client: I just told you I'm bankrupt. Since you're not working I was hoping you would do this for free. It's called FREE time when you're not working, right? ;) 

Years ago, I was part of an I.T. team that was creating a new application for a government client.   I was one of two Quality Assurance leads.   Between me and the other QA lead, we discovered a lot of bugs.   The project was finished on time, under budget, and was excellent.  The client was ecstatic.

Supervisor:  I've got good news for you, team!  Our client is so happy, everyone responsible for making this project succeed is going to get a $1,000 bonus.

Me and other QA Lead:  That's amazing!  

I.T. Supervisor:  Oh, uh, that doesn't include you two.  Sorry.

Us:  What??  Why not?

I.T. Supervisor:  Because you weren't involved in the project's success.   That bonus is only for the software developers.

Us:  Are you kidding?  Have you any idea how many bugs we found?  If it hadn't been for us, this project would have tanked.

I.T. Supervisor:  (shrugs)  Sorry, that's just the way it is.

We raised hell, going to our supervisor's boss, who agreed that we deserved bonuses.   We ended up getting $500 each, which was better than nothing, I guess.

Client: Hey so oops, we sent you double the slides you originally quoted for. The lab had extra tissue and figured why not, y'know?

Me: Sure, no problem, we can increase the scope.

Client: Oh no, we want to stick to the quote.

Me: But how are we supposed to know which half of the slides we should evaluate?

Client: Just look them over and pick the best ones.

Me: ...The only people legally qualified to make decisions about which slides can be safely excluded are pathologists, whose time is billable at a much higher rate.  We'd need to issue an addendum to account for the extra time commitment.

Client: Oh no, we don't want the slides EVALUATED.  Just looked over.

Me:Those are functionally the same thing. Are you saying you want us to do twice the work without paying for any of it?

Client: Awesome, glad we're on the same page. When will you have that ready by?

Client: We’re so glad that you’ll be joining our team! Our business has become really busy lately - it's a local favorite because we provide awesome service.

Me: Thanks, happy to be here. Just to confirm, we agreed to an hourly rate of XX per hour, correct?

Client: Yes… We wish we could pay you more, but none of us are really making it here. We do the best with what we’ve got, but as a small business, we can’t afford to pay our team any more than a basic living wage. We give small raises of maybe 75 cents to a dollar more an hour every few years, though.

What an inspiring welcome as I build my career….

I'm a voice-over artist, and this is the end of a conversation I had recently with a prospective client about the first audiobook in a series of short stories.

Client: We can only pay you around xx per hour. That’s not enough to live on, though.

Gee, thanks for telling me? So I suppose it’s my responsibility to figure out how to make up the difference between starvation wages and a livable, decent full-time wage.

Client: Please submit work samples so I know if you’re right for my project.

Me: Here is a link to my portfolio site. My hourly rate is [x] with 50% up-front. Let me know if I can answer any questions!

Client: Oh wow, I love your work! Would you mind lowering your price?

I declined. A month later I received a message from the client.

Client: I found someone who did great work for a fraction of your price, see look at how good he is!

They attached a thumbnail with the other person’s work.

Me: Very glad it worked out! My rate is still the same. Best of luck!

Me: Hi, we haven't received a payment in over three months.

Client: I haven't received any invoices from you so I don't owe you anything.

Me: We send the same invoice for the same amount each month at the same time.

Client: Well I didn't notice them so I don't owe you.

Me: OK, we'll need to start shutting down your services then.

Client: What? I depend on those to make money! I'll send a payment in full.

Me: Thanks. Would you like a statement for all invoices?

Client: No, I found them.

An author wanted to hire me to copyedit their book. The client told me they were self-publishing, and that it should be a “quick job.”

I took a look at their work; there were SO MANY basic mistakes. Every page basically needed to be rewritten. I honestly had no idea how they’d managed to write an entire novel like this.

Client: Is ten cents a page okay?

The site they contacted me through clearly listed my hourly rate. To make my hourly wage at that rate, I would need to fully proofread every page in well under a minute.

This led me to conclude that they hadn’t read my info on my site – which led me to conclude that this client was even worse at reading than they were at writing.

I recently started a contract position with a business, hoping that it would be long-term. I was pleased that this Client seemed to have a decent reputation, based on my research.

However, I noticed several Red Flags that were alarming.

For example, I overheard the Client talking to his Marketing Manager about various efforts they were making to gain substantially more business.

The Marketing Manager had been doing everything possible to try to make that happen.

Client: So, you're telling me this strategy might work?

Marketing Manager: Yes, that's what I suggest, so that you can gain more online interest from leads.

Client: Well, I need more than interest. I need more a revenue stream. (Red Flag #1)

Marketing Manager: This could be a good possibility.

Later, I overheard the Client talking to his colleague:

Client: We took out a loan to keep the business afloat, so we just need to make sure we pay it back. (Red Flag #2)

In a chaotic conversation with the Client and co-workers, I kept hearing various stories about their plans. This statement particularly stood out to me:

Client: Don't worry, our company will always be around. We'll just need to re-organize some departments. We'll never go out of business. We'll figure it out. We need to drum up more work, though. (Red Flag #3).

This doesn't sound so reassuring.