I have been in concert photography for some time and when I was starting up I used to shoot for free for some venues to get my name out there. 

I mostly stopped doing that but some venues still invite me expecting me to do free work. This particular venue has been spamming me this summer so this conversation happened:

Client: Hey! It's the last week before we close down for summer. There's two concerts scheduled this week, would you like to shoot one of these? 

Me: I am free to shoot the Thursday concert! Do you have a budget for these concerts? 

Client: Unfortunately not. We have a policy not to pay for concert photos. 

Me:  Well, let me know when the policy changes. I changed my policy about working for free.

After attempting to reach out to a client for 3 months through various forms, with no response, I sent an invoice for a logo design (that had been done 4 months prior).

Client: (yelling) I don't know why you're sending me an invoice now. Why didn't you just send me an invoice when you started? I haven't even used the logo yet!

Me: I have been reaching out to you for 3 months and you haven't responded. I figured the job wasn't going anywhere so I thought I'd settle up for the work I did do.

Client: I still have things I want you to do!

Me: Well, I still spent hours working on this logo, and the last I had heard from you was 4 months ago, so...

Client: But I haven't even used it on anything! Why are you billing me?

Me:  At this point, I'm not even sure. 

I eventually gave up, because getting paid would be more effort than doing the logo on the first place.

I started work on a logo at a reduced rate because i'm an idiot.

Client: I don't like any of those but I don't know why.

I gave her a list of ideas and things she might like to see. We agreed that she wants to go a specific way.

I gave her a few options and she didn't get back to me for about a week, so I followed up.

Client: I don't know what to say, this is exactly what I asked for but I don't like it.

Me: Ok, well i've mocked it up for you so you can get a better visualization of how it will work for your business. Let me know what you think.

It's been over a month of follow ups now... I've sent an invoice for work completed and had no luck contacting her. I guess i'm not getting paid for this?

Client: Could you create my new website? 

Me: What kind of budget do you have? 

Client: Well, my friend did this one.

He pointed at his early 2000s site.

Client: He charged me a beer, so I guess I could give you 20 euros?

Me: Ok, for 20 euros I can tell you all the things you have to learn to create it on your own.

Client: Wow, you’ll teach me?

Me: No. I’ll tell you what you’d have to learn. That’s worth 20 euros.

I am about to quit my job as a volunteer graphic designer at a non-profit yoga institute for several reasons, and each day I am reminded of a new one.

Here is a snippet of the conversation I just had with our guru (who I have been working with for seven weeks on a 26 page photo biography booklet) about the 14th revision of the cover design:

Client: I am so glad you are doing this for free! We had to pay thousands of dollars for our old designer.

Me: …

Client: This is still not what I wanted, I won't pay for this.

Me: OK.

Client: Can you send me the raw files anyway?

I recently discussed an interesting project with a real estate agent. The real estate agents on her team are very comfortably rewarded for the high-end real estate they sell.

Client: I can only pay you part-time, at an hourly rate, for you to market these luxury homes for our team. We need help with Google ads, social media, website development, logos - everything. You’ll be our “go-to” person for all things marketing. We know how important social media and other digital strategies are for gaining maximum exposure. Our clients expect top quality work.

Me: Sounds interesting. The pay you described is pretty low for the work, though.

Client: We have a specific budget allocated for this position. This job is a great stepping stone for someone looking to build their career, though. You will be a very important part of our team.

So, basically, I would be instrumental in gaining leads so they can make a lot of money off of selling the homes, at the lowest possible hourly rate someone would accept.

I’m wondering... how is that pay the best they can do - if they earn steep commissions off of closing the deals on the homes?

Somehow, I don't think that staring at photos of other people's luxury lifestyles and interacting with people making a great living off of my marketing work feels too great.

I am a proofreader and a client emailed me about reviewing his first book.

Client: I am a first-time self-publisher and writer looking for a proofreader. I'm writing in the AP style. I am looking to pair with someone just beginning as a proofreader, just as I am starting as a self-published writer.

Me: Great! I'm more experienced than just starting out, but I'd love to help you with your book. Here are my rates. 

Client: Oh, I was just hoping I could proofread something for you in return. 

An email I received from a potential client:

Client: We were looking through your credentials and you seem to be exactly what we're looking for! We have about 35 images that we need to be shopped and edited so that we can create a series to pull from for future campaigns. Just general images, 1024 x 768 pixels, but they definitely need some reworking! We were hoping to have them all done within a month.

We're currently offering a rate of $3/hour! Does that work for you?

Client: I want a website for my company with all these features. I have a $2000 budget , send me a proposal.

Me: Here is how much it will cost for your website. I'll need a monthly retainer for hosting and maintenance.

Six months later:

Client: I can't pay you in full but here is $500 to tide you over. I still want these features done, and a logo and for you to set up emails too.

One year later (No payments for the balance of original work, $0 payments for retainer):

Client: I'm going to bring you on as a consultant and pay you $50k per year to manage our website

Two years later (yesterday, no payments for the balance of original work, $0 payments for retainer):

Client: My emails no longer work, I'm in the process of finalizing a million-dollar deal WTF!

Me: Your domain name is expired. You need to send me money to pay for it,

Client: WTF! I'm going to sue you if you don't renew the domain by Monday.

Please sue me. I want this hell to be over with.