Hey, I know it’s been a while, but do you happen to know our office WiFi password?A client I haven’t seen since 2010
Client: I had an issue with the webinar on Monday, hopefully you will fix it for next Monday.
Me: I don’t do webinars on Monday, my live webinars are run every Tuesday.
Client: Thats fine, as long as it is fixed so I can watch it next Monday.
Me: Maybe you are misunderstanding me. The reason it seems you had an issue on Monday is because there was no webinar on Monday. The webinar is on Tuesday. So you can’t watch it on Monday. That is what the issue was.
Client: So will it be fixed by Monday or not?
Client: I want this to have minimal quality.
Me: Do you mean minimalist?
Client: I’ll tell you what I mean.
A client came to pick up his business cards, created in grayscale and printed accordingly.
Client: Yes, but, if you print it with the color printer, you get more shades of gray, not just black and white
We printed a sample on the color printer as requested. Obviously, they were identical.
Client: Let’s meet at 6:30p, sharp!
Me: Got it. 6:30p, no excuses for tardiness.
Client: But I may be a bit late.
Client: How much does a printed flag cost?
Me: They average about $10/sq. ft.
Client: A square foot… that’s smaller than a foot, right?
Client: The finished product seems to be exactly the same as the concept!
Me: I don’t understand the problem.
Client: I had many more ideas that needed to be addressed. I assumed that after my approval of the concept, the real work would begin on a sort of mock up that we would refine into the final product.
I was on holiday at the beginning of the month and a colleague was supposed to deliver a design project in my stead. However, the client said he was happy to wait two weeks until I came back so that he could keep working with me.
Client: When will the magazine be delivered?
Me: Not be until tomorrow.
Client: It was supposed to be delivered at the beginning of the month. It’s two weeks late.
Me: You said you were fine with the project being delayed while I was away.
Client: Yes, but I thought you would have made up that time so it could be delivered on time?
Me: That’s not possible. I was away on holiday for two weeks and you said it could wait.
Client: Couldn’t you have finished it while you were away? I said it could wait but I didn’t know that meant it would take longer!
Client: (yelling) what took you so long? It’s 12:51!
Me: I thought you said to arrive at 12:55p.
Client: (yelling) Young man… Don’t you ever dare talking back to a client! If we say 12:55, EVERYONE knows you need to be there at 12:45.
Me: I apologize for my lack of understanding, I’m just trying to meet your expectations. So, for future reference, you want me there ten minutes early to the decided time -
Client: (yelling) No, be there on time!
After finishing a document for a newspaper ad of an alkaline water brand we’re working on, I asked the client which newspaper should I send the files to. This was his response:
Client: What? The f*** if I know. Just send it already, we’re running late.
Me: I need to know where I’m have to send this. I don’t know which newspaper you hired to advertise your product.
Client: I told you already! Don’t start with this crap now, just send the same email to every damn newspaper in town, the one we hired will know.
He then took off, telling us to go get some drinks with him at a rave party on the weekend.