Me: I’m sorry, your internet requires a device like a computer or smart device to work. I can’t help you with this.
Client: I don’t care about your
excuses! Just make the internet work! I want a technician out here today to fix
Client: My internet doesn’t work!
Me: Can you tell me what you see on the computer screen?
Client: It’s black!
Me: Is your computer turned on?
Client: Of course it is! the green light is on!
Me: Can you try restarting the computer?
Client: I can’t – the tower is in the shop!
Me: So the green light is on your monitor?
Client: Yeah! My computer!
Client: I got an email saying that I received a “direct message” on “Twitter,” but the email didn’t include what it said. If this is some message from Twitter, where is the message to be found?
Me: You can find it on Twitter. Here is your login information.
Client: Thanks, but I wouldn’t even know where to locate “Twitter”. Sounds like something in the “cloud”…
This is an actual conversation with a client over email. Because they are on the other side of the world, we have a 12 hour delay to each response. Note - the file in question is a 75MB .WAV file.
Me: Thanks for your order. Because the file size is too big, please follow the link below to access your product. If you have any problems, please let me know.
Client: Hey! Thanks for the email. There wasn’t anything attached, though. Can you please send again?
Me: Yep - the file is too big to attach. There was a link at the bottom of the email. Here it is again:
Client: You forgot to attach the file again.
Me: I didn’t forget. I provided a link to where you can download it.
Client: YOU STILL HAVEN’T ATTACHED IT!
Me: I can’t attach the file - it is too big. You can download it here. Click this link and you will get it.
Client: You’re so incompetent. How can you not attach a file to an email? What the f*** are you doing in this business? Attach the f***ing file or give me a refund.
Me: The file is TOO BIG TO ATTACH. Click THIS LINK. FROM THERE YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE FILE.
Client then logs a dispute on PayPal. They never clicked the link or accessed the file.
I work for an eCommerce web-to-print website. We offer an easy eCommerce platform with custom websites for clients.
We had one of our largest clients call in a panic. They had decided to dodge paying us for an hour’s worth of image editing work and do it themselves, even though they had no experience in coding.
They ended up deleting all the coding for their website’s first page and expected us to fix their mistake for free, also blaming us for their incompetence.
Their wanting to be cheap just ended up costing them double what they would have paid.
When asked why they didn’t just let us take care of their issue for them, they replied:
Client: We were trying to teach ourselves! It was a learning opportunity!
They learned a lesson, but maybe not the one they wanted.
I set up an online form for an internal client to handle inquiries about the training programs her department offers. Shortly before a much-delayed (due to her alternate micromanaging and total neglect of the project) launch, I received the following feedback:
Client: I was submitting a test on the form and only one program can be selected. This needs to be fixed immediately!
Me: … Can you clarify? There is no selection menu on the form, it was decided that the best option was a text answer field because of the variety and specificity of programs.
Client: When I click the box, only one program comes up! And when you select that program, it automatically populates the field!
Further troubleshooting determined that her browser was presenting the text entry she had used for that field on previous tests of the form as an Autofill option.
My parents run a small hotel, and their online marketing/presence is pitiful. Since I “don’t have a real job” (I freelance), I was roped into helping. I spent at least an hour a day link-building, updating dormant social media accounts and making connections with nearby businesses.
I contacted my parents to let them know that after several weeks of work, we were seeing progress with more visits to the website and higher rankings online. My mom responded as follows:
Client: Yes, I updated the cookies on my computer recently. Now the website seems to be doing much better. I think I fixed it on my own!
Sure, Mom. Your website isn’t improving because a marketing professional spent weeks working on it. It’s improving because you updated your cookies.