Client: The text is not black enough.
Me: It is set as ‘Black’ in the style sheet….
Client: Okay, but can you make it blacker than that black?
Me: Hold on, I’ll try something. Give me an hour.
I went to lunch.
Me: Okay, can you refresh your browser now?
Client: Yes, that's better, thanks.
Engaging in Black-Ops, from the Clients From Hell archives.
A few years ago, I designed a logo for a client. I delivered several versions, sizes, variants, and file formats, including the original design file. For many reasons, I switched to another range of professional and award-winning graphics software sometime before that. Although not the "industry standard," this software is capable of everything and more to deliver professional and quality design for screen and print.
Some time ago, this client wanted to print the logo in a much bigger size. At that moment, this person was working with another designer that also did the printing whereas I outsourced that. The new designer requested the original design in the file format of that "industry standard" graphics software. I couldn’t export as such. I showed this designer the support page with all the file formats that I could deliver and asked for the dimensions of the print.
The new designer and I emailed several times back and forth, every time the same issue and story. My exported file didn’t "work" in her software. Every time, I technically explained why it did not "work". Every time, I exported the logo in another file format she requested and believed would be the solution, knowing it wouldn’t. Every time, I asked for the dimensions of the print so that I could export it to PDF, which would work. Never did I get an answer to my question about the dimensions.
In the end, she asked the client for permission to just recreate the logo by tracing. It would only take an hour and the result would be the same. She had never experienced a design not "working" in her software. Normally, she would just get a design in that one "industry standard" proprietary file format. That works.
I never got an answer or reply from the client. A few weeks later, I saw a picture of the big print on social media: a flat traced version without the effects and finishing touches I had intuitively applied. Not the same result, of course, although both the new designer and client probably believe I lacked the skills.
Learning your craft with a certain tool doesn’t make that the only tool for the job, it doesn’t mean everyone should use that tool, and it doesn’t validate your technical knowledge in the craft, either.
Client: I do have the logo on a Mac Disk, will that help?
Me: Please email the logo.
Client: Trouble is we don’t have any Macs, and our PCs don’t even accept floppies. How about I mail it to you?
Me: Are you saying the logo is on a 3.5" floppy disk?!
Client: I’ll have to double-check.
A few minutes of waiting.
Client: The floppy disk measures 3.5 inches, yes.
Yet more floppy knowledge, from the Clients From Hell archives.
Me: Your trees are all trimmed. I just need to pick up the branches, and I wanted to get your approval.
Client: I don't like it! Put them back!
Me: I’ve updated that for you.
Client: Okay, thanks, let me know when it has been updated.
Me: ಠ_ಠ
The eyes say it all, from the Clients From Hell archives.
I'm going over some font options on our package design with a client.
Client: "I showed these to two friends, one is dyslexic and the other has ADHD. They both said it was hard to read."
We finished a 30+ page site for a client only to receive a phone call from a very upset client.
Client: Help! The new website is not working right!
Me: What seems to be the problem? Everything seems to be working fine on our end.
Client: We’re trying to print all the pages out and they look terrible when they’re on paper!
Me: Why are you printing the website out?
Client: Well, two reasons - first is that our CEO doesn’t like computers. He will only approve your work if we print it out for him.
Me: I’m not sure that’s going to work - websites are meant just to be displayed on computer monitors. What’s the second reason for printing it out?
Client: We wanted to make a backup in case your site goes down.
Another exploration into the grey areas, from the Clients From Hell archives.
Client: We would like the white background to be a darker shade of white.
Another exploration into the grey areas, from the Clients From Hell archives.
It is the late 90s and I am a software developer who also gets brought into a lot of web projects. Many clients don't really understand the 'net at all:
Client: The page background is too dull. It needs to be a brighter white.
Me: It's already #ffffff; that's the brightest white possible.
Client: It's still too dull. Fix it.
Me: Try turning the brightness control on your monitor up.
Client: ...That fixed it! That's great!
Followed by...
Client: So how do we turn up the brightness control for everyone who visits the site?
Client: I thought you said the website was friendly.
Me: It is. What issues did you experience?
Client: I typed in my password and I got the error. “Access Denied. Wrong Password”
Me: If you would like, I can give you your username and password.
Client: A FRIENDLY website would’ve given me my password.
Me: Did you click on “Forgot my Password”?
Client: No, I didn’t forget it.
An hour later, I got an email from the client telling me he forgot his password. He was wondering if there was a recovery system in place.
Another "small little change", from the Clients From Hell archives.