Client: I need to change my internet ID.
Me: I’m sorry, your what?
Client: Under my name on the paperwork there is an Internet ID.
Me: Are you talking about your e-mail address?
Client: Yes, that!
I am working with a client who is about to launch a new high-end restaurant within a well-established tourist hotel in a beachside holiday destination. Until recently they’d served quite average food, but had updated the menu and were trying to highlight that.
I sent my client the press ad with a headline that read “Discover a new way of dining.”
Client: Yeah, not quite right - I really want you to focus on the fact that it is a NEW way of dining.
Me: Uh… so, like the heading that says “Discover a new way of dining”…?
Client: Awesome. You’ve nailed it.
I guess my work here is done. And was done. Before.
Me: Can you give a high-quality version of your logo? Preferably an .eps file or similar.
Client: Sure!
He sent me a .jpg that was 1.4 GB. Turns out they thought “high quality” meant “3000 DPI.”
I was working as in-house graphic designer for a conference years ago. The chairman of the conference was super enthusiastic for everything new but he didn’t really have any technical understanding of how things work. It was a good thing too most of the time because his ideas were totally out of the box in a good way.
Except when they weren’t.
This one time I was planning the next event’s online programme with him and our web designer. As there was a lot of presentations to be held during any conference day, we needed to put all presentation abstracts in a pop-up that opened when you clicked the title of the presentation. The web designer had made a live version for us to see how the site would work.
Clicking through the site the chairman got excited about the function but got concerned when the abstract pop-ups were left open (because this happened in a time before javascript and in-browser pop-ups):
Client: This is really good, really good. Now can we then get the pop-ups to close automatically once the person has read it?
The web designer and I stared each other for a moment and then tried to swallow our laughter, all while explaining in a polite way that no, it wasn’t possible, unfortunately.
A long-time client of mine asked to do a mailing of a letter that we’ve done for the last few years, with the same format but new text.
They provided the new text, I formatted it into the letter format and then sent the proof back for approval. They approved it, and it went to print.
Later:
Client: Something’s missing from the letter, and it could be a legal issue if it’s not on there.
Not only was that not disclosed to me when we started, it wasn’t there for years on any other letters, nor was it mentioned when the proof was approved.
Client: Well, this would have been something to bring up when you approved it.
Client: I only wrote the letter. I didn’t see what it looked like after.
Me: I sent you the proof and you approved it before I sent it out.
Client: Well yeah but that doesn’t mean I actually LOOKED at it!
I work at a non-profit where my job is basically “designated young person.” I’m in charge of anything that has to do with digital communications because a) everyone else is afraid of it and b) everyone assumes I know how to do it.
Today at work, I was asked to update the PDF documents of the policies posted on our intranet. Relatively easy… except that the files I was given were ginormous and exceeded the max file size of 2mb. After trying to find an easy way to reduce the file sizes, I asked the exec assistant who created the files if she still had the original Word documents, figuring I could just redo the whole thing on InDesign or Photoshop.
Turns out, she wasn’t making the PDFs directly from Word. She was printing them, scanning them as PDFs, and then emailing them to herself. What should have been a 30kb file became a 9,000kb file!
One of my clients recently bought an expensive camera and was asking me for tips.
Client: Do you know when to change the frequency?
Me: What frequency?
Client: The frequency on the camera settings?
Me: There’s no such thing.
Client: Oh! You’ve been doing photography for a long time, I thought you’d know this kind of thing. Frequency is the “F” symbol on the camera.
Me: Well, I started doing photography when I was 9 so… Anyway, the “F” is for “F-Stop,” which controls the aperture.
Client: Yeah, the frequency of the aperture. F-Stop!
Me: (in my head) 💩.
Client: Can I see how the project is going?
Me: Sure! This is a work in progress right now, so it’s in black and white for the moment. I’ll add color later, so try to focus your feedback on the composition.
Client: Hmm… It needs more color.
I recently had a client ask me to send out an email blast via Mailchimp. I went to sign in, and my password no longer worked. I clicked the link to reset it and find out that the client changed my account to be under his email address.
Me: Hey, looks like you changed the account details on Mailchimp.
Client: I did!
Me: Would you mind sending me the new credentials then?
Client: Why do you need those?
Moral of the story, even if you set up an account for a client, never share the login information unless you absolutely have to.
Last year I worked for a new “design agency.” The company was set up by two people and neither had any experience of working as a designer. One of them had worked in marketing and the other had some sales experience but no experience of working in design (btw his job title was head of design). On the first day after a brief call telling me that they wanted me to work on a packaging project, I received another call.
Client: Have you started the project?
Me: No not yet, could you send over the brief so that I can start on this?
Client: What kind of information would you need?
Me: Dimensions, any previously signed off colours, fonts, etc, etc.
Client: I’m just not sure where to get that kind of information.
Me: Just get it from the company you’re working for.
Client: But how would I get it from them?
Me: Just send them an email.
Client: Could I do that?