A new client required me to submit an event on a ticketing platform but could not remember the password. He changed the password and gave me the new details.
Client: Please note that this is also my banking credentials, so please don't use it for that.
Me: Uhm...I would not have known that if you did not tell me.
Client: Oh...okay but just don't use it.
Me: ...
Client: Please add a Column X to the spreadsheet and I will put in the data in there.
Me: Here is the spreadsheet with a Column X for you to add the data.
Months pass.
Me: Do you have the data yet?
Client: Here it is.
Me: There's no data in Column X.
Client: Was I supposed to fill in that column? I didn't know what it was for.
Reading all these posts I realize that I am now not going mad when I dealt with a previous client.
Bit of background...I worked on the branding for a new boutique bistro making flyers, menus, restaurant logos, etc.
As an example, the menu designs were very simple, white background, company logo at the top and lettering done in a specific font and layout...easy right?
Most of the meetings with the "marketing and branding expert" went like this...
Client: We need some menus doing to fit in with the rest of the items you have done.
Me: No problem, send me the content I'll set it out for you ready for print.
The client sent me the content, I put together the menu layout.
Client: Looks ok, but.... can we make the logo a bit bigger?
I realize now this is a classic line for shitty clients.
Me: How's this?
Client: Bigger again, it needs to be the biggest thing on the menu, all my years in marketing has taught me that the logo needs to be huge!
Me: But then it will take away all proportion to the text and look hideous,
Client: Do it anyway then go to print.
I complied and got a batch printed.
Client: Hmm, is there any way of moving the text up a bit and making it bigger? The logo seems to be taking over.
Thanks Clients From Hell community for making me realize I'm not alone.
I’m a writer for a bank. Occasionally we send alerts to our customers over various platforms. My client asked me to write an alert for email, but specified that we weren’t sending SMS or push notifications.
The developer I was working with apparently didn't get that note. Or, more likely got it and ignored it - because this happened.
Dev: You are missing SMS and Push notification content. Please add the copy for SMS and Push into your document.
Me: Those aren’t a requirement for this alert and I was told not to add them. Please proceed with just email.
I assumed that was the end of it. A week later:
Dev: Please add the copy for SMS and Push into your document.
Me: This isn't sent yet? As previously mentioned, we are only supposed to write for email. I have CC’d the client, who has made it clear that we are only to write for email.
Client: Yes, this is true. Please proceed with the email.
A week later:
Dev: Please add the copy for SMS and Push into your document.
Me: We have reviewed this several times now, and the client has made it very clear we are not to write for email. Please either consult your team on the requirements or proceed with email.
Client: Confirming the above. Please proceed with email only - no changes to the copy document needed.
Dev: OK.
Two minutes later:
Dev: Please remove the copy for SMS and Push from your document.
Me: Uh....
My client was a music producer who brought me in to assist with an album project for a young singer with Broadway and tour credits as the unofficial contractor. I hired local musicians and played certain instrumental parts myself.
One song had been orchestrated by the tour musical director; the producer was very keen that our recorded version adhered perfectly to that score. We had a meeting with the manager to ensure nothing was overlooked.
Client: You'll notice that the percussion part specifies that these measures need to be played on a "mark tree".
These words were enunciated slowly, as if they were actually surrounded by quotes and might be misunderstood otherwise.)
Me: No problem. That's just bar chimes. We already have those.
Client: No, you don't understand. It specifically says that a "mark tree" is required here.
Me: "Mark Tree" is the official orchestral term for bar chimes. Really. They're the same thing. A mark tree is a set of bar chimes. This studio has two sets of them, and I even have a set of my own. We have everything we need.
Client: ...
Me: ...
Client: (turning away from me and towards the manager) We need to locate a "mark tree".
Our team was having a meeting with a client company about the use of their logo. Their manager insisted that their logo always be in black, no matter what color the background. Their in-house designer tried to explain the necessity of a reversed version of their logo. The manager slammed her hand on the table and yelled:
Client: You don't understand, it's about consistency!
She was wearing a shirt with their logo embroidered in pink.
Client: If I give you a black and white copy, could you Xerox it in color?
Client: How much will this animation cost?
Me: It depends on the complexity. Could you show me the character you want to animate?
Client: Bro chill, why are you acting like an architect. I just want the price bro.
Me: I can't give you the price without knowing what you want. Do you go into a McDonalds and ask "What's the price" before ordering anything?
Client: You're weirding me out not gonna lie, why would you ask to see the character before giving me the price? You trying to steal my character?
We were making make iOS applications for our clients. After a round of testing within one of their departments, they found an issue and reported it back to us. We sorted out a fixed build for them.
Me: So here's the new IPA file.
Client: Ok, will do.
A few minutes later:
Client: It won't open.
Me: What do you mean it won't open?
Client: I tried to open the app and it just doesn't open.
At this point, I'm panicking. What's wrong with the app?
Me: I've checked over everything, installed it on multiple devices here, done upgrades from one version to another and it seems fine. What are you doing exactly?
Client: Just trying to open it, keeps showing an error.
Me: Ah! ok, can you screenshot and send me the error? *why he never told me that first god knows*
So he does. He sends me a screenshot of his desktop, showing a picture of Microsoft Word saying "Unrecognised file format .IPA"
I work as a general assistant/bookkeeper/web designer/designated young person for a fairly well known real estate company. One of my peers was in charge of the technical aspects of getting a simple WordPress website in order.
Client: I'm trying to publish a newsletter but I can't find my site.
Me: It says the IP address is unavailable.
Client: He can't take the website down. That's illegal.
Me: You haven't paid him for the past few months and you've hired a new social media marketer to redo the CRM he made.
Client: All of our things are on there! I'm pretty sure that's illegal.