I contract as a project manager for overflow clients with an online event provider. The platform facilitates virtual events for corporations, universities, etc.
I don't want to say this one university had low-performing staff, but on the event day, numerous professors messaged me in the event's Tech Support channel asking how to access the University Open House they were literally logged into and attending already.
I've added the school to the list of places I'd never send my kids.
Client: Hey the website you built is not working. We need you to fix it.
Me: Okay, let me see what it is doing on my end. Hmm. It seems to be working just fine.
Client: It’s not working here. You need to do something.
Me: Can you go to any other websites?
Client: No, the computer says there is no internet connection.
Me: Okay, that means you’re having a problem connecting to the internet on your system.
Client: Not really sure what that means, but we need you to fix our website, it is so messed up we can’t get anything to work.
Client: Can you provide me the influencer's Facebook & Youtube INFOGRAPHIC?
Me: I wasn't aware they had an infographic. Is it attached in an earlier email?
Client: No, it's not an attachment. You know - their core audience.
Me: Their demographic?
Client: Whatever.
I own a cleaning company specializing in nightly rental (AirBnB type) condos at a major midwest tourist destination.
One of my clients is a businessman who owns and operates a coffee company in a small city. He provides coffee, equipment, etc to local businesses on his "route".
He decided to place one of his "high end" coffee makers in his condo so that his guests would not have to pour in the water, as the coffee maker held approximately 32 ounces of water to be used to make coffee until it had to be refilled.
One day when he was visiting his own condo, I received a call.
Client: Hey you need to tell your housekeepers to quit pouring out the water when they clean the condo.
Me: What do you mean?
Client: Every time we come here there is NO WATER IN THE COFFEE MAKER.
Me: Don't you think your guests are making coffee and using the water up?
Client: No, there's no water in it so clearly you're pouring it out when youclean the condo.
Apparently, he believes that this coffee maker miraculously creates water out of thin air and that no one EVER needs to actually pour water into the reservoir.
So now when we know he's coming, we just top it off. He hasn't said a word.
Client: Can you fix my laptop remotely?
Me: Maybe. What's the problem?
Client: Hang on, let me send a screenshot.
Me: I don't see anything wrong.
Client: It didn't work. There's a huge crack in the screen that should have showed up.
I joined a design firm in 1995, just when most design/ad agencies were starting to design and sell websites. I suggested to the owner that we start getting the software (or hire a coder) to help us get ready for what was obviously going to be the next big wave, a multi-billion-dollar industry that she'd be a total fool to ignore.
Her response?
Client: No, I don't want to be a part of that. After all, we don't do animation here.
I left the firm three months later and started my own business, building websites along with designing tons of print collateral and other media vehicles for clients. I retired 2 years ago and sold the firm for a very tidy profit.
The original design firm? She went belly up two years after I left. Last time I checked, she was doing clothing alterations out of her garage and trying to get a t-shirt business going.
As one of the first TV Productions to start up in my city after the pandemic shutdown, I was brought in a few weeks before the actual production started to create all the signage needed to keep our crew safe and informed.
Weeks of work later, my signs were up throughout the studio lot. I was then asked to hand the art over the the Production Office so they could continue making signs as needed. I happily agreed but told them that they were all drawn in Illustrator.
Client: Can you save these as Word?
Me: Oh. Wow...Sure.
I recreated as many multi-use signs as possible in Word - with fonts more widely available - but I wish I'd known the plan before hand because recreating a look in Word is... painful with all the head-desking.
Then I found out that they'd shared the art to other productions to use, meaning that shows around the city were using signs with logos that did not represent their brand at all.
Actual exchange I had with a client today over e-mail.
Me: Unfortunately all of the photos supplied are much too low resolution for print and we can't use them. They need to be unreduced files, 300dpi at 8”x8”, and would generally be over 1MB size each.
Client: What resolution do you need?
About 15 years ago, I was starting my career as a media buyer at a big ad agency in the UK. Basically, I was a junior in the team that booked the space in newspapers for the agency's various big-brand clients.
Most brands would buy their advertising a few weeks in advance, but retailers would normally be more last minute to try to react to what their competitors were doing.
A normal Friday morning, 9:02 am, my phone rings:
Client: (panicked) I've got today's newspaper in my hand, and our main competitor has ads in all of them, and their sales promotion is better than ours.
Me: OK, I see. Do you need me to try and get some space in tomorrow's papers for us to respond?
Client: Tomorrow is too late! I need you to get us into today's papers!
Me: ...
Client: Hello?
Me: We, erm, can't buy ads in this morning's papers.
Client: (now furious) Why not?! This is what we pay you for!
Me: ...because they've already been, well, printed.
Client: What do you mean?
Me: The newspapers you are holding in your hand right now have already been printed. That's how you're able to hold them in your hand. We can't change something that has already been printed.
Client: ...
Client: ......
Client: OK, so could you get us some space in tomorrow's papers?