Client: I want you to do a 3-minute animation for my website. It’s okay if it’s in Flash. How much is that?

Me: That depends, what did you have in mind exactly?

Client: Well, I don’t know. It depends on how much it costs.

Me: The price depends on how complex the designs are, if there is any level of interactivity, if I have to get licensed music, if there is voiceover, etc.

Client: I’m just asking how much 3 minutes of animation is. I don’t know what I want.

Me: Well, the most basic designs start at $3,000 and more complex designs are upwards of $20,000.

Client: WHAT? I thought it would be like $100. I told you, you can do it in Flash.

Me: That’s how much Flash animation costs.

Client: Bullshit. I know Flash does all the animation for you.

An "if it's so easy then do it yourself" moment from the Clients From Hell archives.

After I presented a new design for a company website, the owner leaned over and asked:

Owner: Could I suggest some changes to the layout?

Then, she got out a black marker and started drawing the changes on my MacBook’s screen. I was stunned.

A "you did NOT just do that" moment from the Clients From Hell archives.

Me: Sir, here is the Solution design, prepared using the data from previous meetings with various internal and external teams

The client quickly glances at my work, Googles something random, and clicks on the first link, which is a post on a programmers' question-and-answer site with no votes, answers that are not accepted, etc.

Client: Have you checked this option?

I scream internally before I answer.

Me: No, but that cannot be considered as a valid—

Client: Please look into that way and redo the Solution based on that, please. Let us catch up once you have completed it. 

Me: ...

Even though the agreement was to produce hand-drawn wireframes for a client, I went the extra mile and created some clickable ones to help them understand some of the proposed user journeys for their new website. Before showing them the wireframes in a browser, I made sure they understood that what they were about to see was NOT A DESIGN. I laboured this point, and felt that they had acknowledged it fully.

I show the wireframes.

CEO: The design needs more wow factor.

Client: Our site has been hacked! There are little orange boxes on it!

Me: Yes, those indicate RSS feeds. You’ll see them on all major sites.

Client: Well, we should remove them, they look like hacking.

"Anything they don't understanding is hacking!" and other panic moments, from the Clients From Hell archives.

Client: “Can you make a special M, you know like the one in the McDonald’s sign.”

Later…

Client: “What do you mean it’s copyrighted. How can someone copyright the letter M?”

Yet more proof that clients don't know how the world works, from the Clients From Hell archives.

I'm working in the customer support of a tourism booking platform where users can rent out their properties. I receive a weird request from one of the users. 

User: I continuously receive unwanted reservations! Please help me out!

The user has his own place available on the platform website for possible reservations. After reading this email, I call the user right away to better understand the situation. 

User: Thanks for your call. As you can see, I have got plenty of reservations for the next months. I'd never accepted any of them! I'd like to cancel them all, please!

Me: I perfectly understand the situation and I am here to help you. Are you aware of having the Instant Booking option on? With this option, users can book instantly your place right away without asking for your confirmation.

User: ...Instant what? Please just help me cancel the reservations. I am without any internet connection and the next guest arrives tomorrow. I cannot host him as I'm on holiday now.

It turns out that the user didn't know about the Instant Booking option and I now need to educate him. Using all my soft skills, I inform him that he'll have to pay a penalty fee for the cancellations required as he's damaging other user's experiences. I also have to support his ex-guests in finding new locations. It's a hard task but I complete it professionally. Finally, I also receive a thank you email from the Instant Booking user.

User: Thank you so much for your help! Can you please call me when you are available? I'd like to have some tips for having more reservations.

"Why would I know anything about firmware?"

--VP of Firmware.

Client: What's the font name used in my logo?

Me: Montserrat.

Client: That's not possible! Montserrat doesn't have capital letters!

Client: I'd like 1000 stickers, please. They each need to be 10 cm wide, make the height match the motive.

I proceed to make a mockup and send them a quote. Both the mockup and the quote put the width at 100 mm, because that's the scale our system defaults to.

Client: No, no, that'll never fit, you got the size all wrong. I wanted 10 cm, not 100 mm. Cancel the order, please.