Client: My monitor isn’t working.
Me: Is it plugged in with the DisplayPort or HDMI cable?
Client: It needs to be plugged in?
A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: I have checked the corporate guideline you did for us and the size of the Welcome Card should be 65.6mm (H) instead of 65.7mm as you said
Me: We got 65.7mm from the printing spec, where did you get your measurement?
Client: From my ruler, you idiot.
A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: Can you make this font color darker?
Me: That font is pure black.
Client: Is that a no, then?
A client asked me to design him a banner with some information about his business. Since “banner” is a very ambiguous term, and he didn’t give me any size information yet, I first asked him if he was referring to something like a printed vinyl banner, or a website banner.
Client: A PDF flyer.
Ah, so the kind of banner that’s not a banner at all.
I was putting together a website for a local grocer. They'd given me blurry, low quality photos that were not suitable for posting - I convinced them to opt for high res stock photos where possible.
The stock photos I chose were close-ups of produce and the like, without any store details - or so I thought.
Client: Wait - those are different bins. This isn't my store.
Me: Uh, no. They're stock photos.
Client: I assumed they would be stock photos of my store.
Me: What do you want the dimensions to be?
Client: I have no idea. Like the front side of a hat?
We were discussing a poster project.
A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: Darker.
Client: Darker.
Client: Darker.
Client: Lighter.
Client: Darker?
Client: Maybe a little more blue.
Client: Darker.
Me: This would be easier if you just gave me the color code from your branding guidelines.
Client: I'll know it when I see it.
Client: Darker.
Me: This image is a low res copy, it's not really big enough for the brochure cover photo. Have you got the original file? We would need it in a higher resolution.
Client: No I don't... Could I print it out and then take a photo of it for you? That image will be high-res right?
Client: How long have we been using keyboard and mouse to control computers?
Me: Since last century.
Client: Exactly. We need to change that.
I do design work for a small print shop and the owner/my boss is not old per se, but he absolutely
hates change and anything to do with technology. He regularly has me run credit cards and scan invoices for him because he doesn’t know how.
Me: You know, I could show you how to do this. It’s pretty easy.
Client: No thanks, I don’t want to learn anything new.
I have no idea how he can run a business when he can’t even run a credit card.
A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!