After a year-long successful work relationship with a client, they requested a full-bleed brochure to be completed outside of my regular work hours. We went through several revisions and I finished the brochure while on a trip. The client approved. Then:

Client: The brochure printed with a white border. The printing associate suggests that you make the content smaller and allow more space between it and the edge of the page.

Me: I’m so sorry to hear that. Let me look into it right now. What size paper are you printing on?

Client: It’s a regular sheet.

Me: Ok, I double-checked, and the brochure is designed to print full bleed on a regular sheet of paper. I can resize the content but some of the information is already in the smallest font approved for this project. Your target audience may not be able to see it if it’s smaller.

I ended up making the changes. I was told to resize again and some of the information became illegible. After an entire day of back and forth, I got a call. The printing associate reiterated what was said earlier and hands the phone back to the client.   

At this point, I was in the middle of nowhere, using my cell to tether internet to my laptop so I could upload the design to the printing company and view the proof.

Me: I am looking at the proof for the original design on the printing company’s website. It doesn’t come up with borders. By any chance, did you request their 1h rush service when you ordered?

Client: Yes

Me: According to the website all 1h rush service projects are printed with a white border. Full bleed orders can only be done under their regular time frame.

Client: Why didn’t the associate tell me that?

Me: I’m not sure, but I’ll send you the original file so you can get it reprinted.  I suggest that you either print within the regular time frame or find a different print shop.

I’m a freelance designer, working on a local businessman’s website.  The client wanted 4 or 5 pages on the site, but never specified what he wanted on each page other than a title.

Me: In terms of design, I think I’ve finished everything you’ve asked me to do. Go ahead and take a look at what I’ve uploaded and let me know if you need any final tweaks before we wrap things up.

Client: Well I looked at it, but there’s no text on any of the pages!

Me: That’s right - you didn’t give me any content to put on the site. You wanted to do that yourself, remember?

Client: Well it needs something on there! Just write some stuff about my business!

Me: I’d be happy to add text for you, but you need to tell me what you’d like me to write.  I don’t know anything about your business other than that you repair HVAC units.

Client: I don’t know, just like…  stuff about my business. 

Me: Okay… how long have you been in business?  Are you insured, licensed, bonded, or registered with the Better Business Bureau?  Do you have a business address or a PO Box number or anything you can tell me about to add to the site?  What kinds of units do you have experience repairing?  Are you trying to reach a residential crowd, or a commercial one, or both?  

Client: I don’t want to give out any of that information.  I accept credit card payments though!

From the Clients From Hell archives!

I worked on an hour-long video and sent it to the client.

Client: Looks great!

Me: Thanks! Let me know if you have any changes by tonight. Otherwise, I will not be able to make any changes as I will not be near a computer until tomorrow night. 

Client: I am sure there will be some changes. If you can’t get to them, the supervisor can make those edits. 

Me: ...

P.S. the supervisor has never opened a video editing program ever in her life, let alone able to open and re-edit a one-hour video timeline. 

Client: If you use a dark red frame around the website on each webpage, won’t the screen run out of red screen ink?

From the Clients From Hell archives!

Client: Why are there so many hours on this invoice?

Me: Well, there was our meeting, and then I produced that proof of concept set and some roughs for comment, and then I finalized the roughs...

Client: I don't get it. I told you what to do in the meeting - why didn't you just DO it? You must have wasted time. 

I recently had a client who made me immediately think of CFH.

I told him that in order to proof read his submission (as well as take care of layout), I needed it in a file I could edit. Preferably a doc, but I was willing to work with pretty much anything. I stressed that I didn't want a picture as this client often provides that.

So, to my surprise, I found an actual word document in my inbox. I should have known it was too good to be true. I opened the file and inside I found....a picture of a text that had been written on a computer, printed out, photographed and now inserted into the doc. 

In my client's defense, he's a 5th grader and the file in question was a school assignment. Hello CFH audience from the daily life of a school in lockdown, hope I could get some laughs out of you.

Client: We have a problem! The [email protected] address in the notification e-mails does not exist! Could you create it ASAP?

Client: Hey, do you know how I can log into my Instagram account?

Me: Uh, put in your email and password

Client: Yeah but I don't know the password

Me: So click the button that says 'forgot password'

Client: Oh wow, thank you! You're a genius!

Client: My monitor isn’t working. 

Me: Is it plugged in with the DisplayPort or HDMI cable?

Client: It needs to be plugged in?

A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!