Client: I need to change my internet ID.

Me: I’m sorry, your what?

Client: Under my name on the paperwork there is an Internet ID.

Me: Are you talking about your e-mail address?

Client: Yes, that!

I am working with a client who is about to launch a new high-end restaurant within a well-established tourist hotel in a beachside holiday destination. Until recently they’d served quite average food, but had updated the menu and were trying to highlight that.

I sent my client the press ad with a headline that read “Discover a new way of dining.”

Client: Yeah, not quite right - I really want you to focus on the fact that it is a NEW way of dining.

Me: Uh… so, like the heading that says “Discover a new way of dining”…?

Client: Awesome. You’ve nailed it.

I guess my work here is done. And was done. Before.

Me: Can you give a high-quality version of your logo? Preferably an .eps file or similar.

Client: Sure!

He sent me a .jpg that was 1.4 GB. Turns out they thought “high quality” meant “3000 DPI.”

I was working as in-house graphic designer for a conference years ago. The chairman of the conference was super enthusiastic for everything new but he didn’t really have any technical understanding of how things work. It was a good thing too most of the time because his ideas were totally out of the box in a good way.

Except when they weren’t.

This one time I was planning the next event’s online programme with him and our web designer. As there was a lot of presentations to be held during any conference day, we needed to put all presentation abstracts in a pop-up that opened when you clicked the title of the presentation. The web designer had made a live version for us to see how the site would work.

Clicking through the site the chairman got excited about the function but got concerned when the abstract pop-ups were left open (because this happened in a time before javascript and in-browser pop-ups):

Client: This is really good, really good. Now can we then get the pop-ups to close automatically once the person has read it?

The web designer and I stared each other for a moment and then tried to swallow our laughter, all while explaining in a polite way that no, it wasn’t possible, unfortunately.

A long-time client of mine asked to do a mailing of a letter that we’ve done for the last few years, with the same format but new text.

They provided the new text, I formatted it into the letter format and then sent the proof back for approval. They approved it, and it went to print.

Later:

Client: Something’s missing from the letter, and it could be a legal issue if it’s not on there.  

Not only was that not disclosed to me when we started, it wasn’t there for years on any other letters, nor was it mentioned when the proof was approved.

Client: Well, this would have been something to bring up when you approved it.

Client: I only wrote the letter. I didn’t see what it looked like after.

Me: I sent you the proof and you approved it before I sent it out.

Client: Well yeah but that doesn’t mean I actually LOOKED at it!