Client: (owns a kajillion-dollar high-tech state-of-the-art company)
Also Client: (Opens the backup PDF in Powerpoint instead of the Powerpoint file I sent them)
In this case, I was the client and the person I was serving with was the ignoramus. I thought you'd laugh anyway.
Me: I would like a quote for 500 business cards printed in black and white on two sides.
Printer: Sure! Just let me know how many cards you'd like, if they'd be printed in color or only in black, and if you need two sided printing!
Me: Uh....
Client: Why is the file smaller than the last version?
Me: It's just a different way to compile the file. There shouldn't be any difference when you open it.
Me: (thinking) You only need this file for a meeting. The video is going to shown on a regular size projector. Are you worried the file won't work on IMAX or something?
I work at a signage shop in Pretoria, South Africa. We have a semi regular customer that for the 100th time mixed up his order with what he actually wanted.
He came in on a Tuesday to order a ISUZU sticker kit for his truck. You know - those matt black mud splat sticker kits everyone and their sister has these days.
I made him pay a deposit the following day where he once again clearly stated he wasnted an ISUZU kit. I say clearly because more than one person in the shop heard it and even the invoice says ISUZU decals.
On the day of application, he arrived in a Toyota Hilux.
Client: The illustrations on this file look blurry.
Me: (internally) WELL YEAH IF YOU'RE ZOOMED IN 423% YOUR 2-INCH FILE'S GONNA LOOK A LITTLE BLURRY KAREN.
Client: Wait, this is it? This is the logo?
Me: Yeah. I will send it to you in a variety of formats including a 'vector' version that can be printed at any size without issues. You can use this on any of your materials.
Client: So it's just a picture? I'm paying for just a picture?
Me: Uh....
Me: Can you please send me your company logo as an .AI file?
Unexpectedly, they actually sent a .AI. I am happy.
Until I open the file, which says "Could not find linked file xxx.png."
Me: @*#$!
Client: I need to change my internet ID.
Me: I’m sorry, your what?
Client: Under my name on the paperwork there is an Internet ID.
Me: Are you talking about your e-mail address?
Client: Yes, that!
I am working with a client who is about to launch a new high-end restaurant within a well-established tourist hotel in a beachside holiday destination. Until recently they’d served quite average food, but had updated the menu and were trying to highlight that.
I sent my client the press ad with a headline that read “Discover a new way of dining.”
Client: Yeah, not quite right - I really want you to focus on the fact that it is a NEW way of dining.
Me: Uh… so, like the heading that says “Discover a new way of dining”…?
Client: Awesome. You’ve nailed it.
I guess my work here is done. And was done. Before.
Me: Can you give a high-quality version of your logo? Preferably an .eps file or similar.
Client: Sure!
He sent me a .jpg that was 1.4 GB. Turns out they thought “high quality” meant “3000 DPI.”