Me: The directions from HR on the internal web site refers managers to the web team for IT issues like managing the company phone directory and user accounts.

Client: Those are old directions. Now we don't see those issues as worth fixing.

We were working with a client company since the start of the year. The project had been progressing  slowly because the client was disorganized, but nevertheless we had a good working relationship and got on well with our contacts at the company. Until they hired the new Project Manager.

She was insistent on causing carnage at every stage of the process, simply in order to put her mark on the project.

We had made around 150 icons for them, all of which had been signed off. The project manager demanded they be all be altered by 1 pixel.

Me: That's a minor change, and given that these will all be scaled down, a difference of 1 pixel won't many any perceptible difference.

Client: Well, that's a matter of opinion. 

We'd previously signed off the majority of the website, but this project manager opened up nearly aspect of the work to make their own mark.

Client: Throw your "web design 101" book out the window when you work with me.

As if our combined 40 years of experience wasn't anything to match their 5 years of working for a printing company, having never been involved in a digital design project in her life.

They insisted on going through about 9,000 shades of dark purple (which she called blue) before settling on one of the original colors we had suggested.

They insisted that heading text was always on two lines, on all devices, regardless of whether it had 4 words, or 100 words.

The breaking point was this:

Client:  If you need help to get this across the finish line, maybe our in-house designer can help.

Me: (only five hours later) Fine.

Client: For real? It is unacceptable to make this major a change to the design process this close to launch.

The launch date was 10 days away, and the only obstacle we were facing in making it was this project manager. 

We decided to end the relationship at that point.

I was working with a nightmare client at an agency. He was constantly condescending, made impossible requests, and rude to everyone. His jobs started moving further down the priority list as we went because everyone hated working with him.

Client: You guys need a customer retention strategy.

We had one. We just weren't using it. 

A client asked me to code a Wordpress theme they'd commissioned from a designer. They had a budget, deadline, and even a work process so I thought we were good to go.

We were not.

Feedback round 1:

Client: This is not what we expected you would deliver. It's missing the content.

They hadn't added the content, which is why it was missing.

Feedback round 2:

Client: Can you make design changes directly in the code?

Me: That's not a great idea. Let's just deal with the design first and then I can start coding it.

Client: Just do it anyway.

I followed orders. It broke things, and the designer quit immediately thereafter. 

I don't know how many rounds of feedback he'd had.

Feedback round 3: the client sent me a two-page document plus 30 screenshots from all across the site with mentions of "errors" of about 2-3 pixels between elements.

This was a 3-week project. It took over 2 months. 

I was working as a network engineer/consultant for a managed service provider who, in my coverage area, provided contract-based support to small- and medium-sized businesses. Our top priorities were always security and integrity of data, and we worked with each client's IT staff and/or leadership develop policies if they so desired. For one particular client, a policy was created by their own IT staff and then enforced using a web filter. This was all done with a sign-off by the client leadership. One day I was called into that client's president's office while I was onsite for a service call. This happened in 2006 or 2007, I believe.

Client: What is this IT policy that you created?

Me: It is a policy created by [the two people in charge of IT for their company].

Client: I don't care who created it. Why do we have it?

Me: It's to protect the network. To reduce viruses and overall increase productivity...

Client: (interrupting) We don't need it. No one can #^&#ing tell me what I can and cannot do on my own computer. Not you and not [the two people in charge of IT]. If I want to #^&#ing watch porn all day on my #^&# computer, I will. Only [the company owner] down the hall can tell me what the #^&# I can and cannot do. I want the #^&# filter turned off now.

Me: ...Cool.

I soon discovered that the son of one of the VPs was looking to expand his own IT support and hosting company, and the president was looking for a way to get out of our multi-year contract early. The contract continued until the end date.

...Awkward. Has a client revealed more than they should to you? Let us know!

I live in a college town and have found a niche for myself churning out album art and flyers for local garage bands in my spare time. Usually, it all goes pretty smoothly; the clients are all hustling to make a name for themselves in the local scene and recognize that I’m offering a pretty good deal.

The other week, a friend brought a client to me, and we were sitting down in a coffee shop and going through my portfolio while talking about his band.

Client: Yeah, we’re pretty classically punk, you know, rough sound, all that ‘fight the system’ stuff, so I want something that really gets that, “angry-dirty-grrrrr” feel.

Me: I totally get it, I can definitely get you set up with something like that pretty easily. Let me show you some work I’ve done in that vein and you can tell me if anything stands out.

I start to flip to the section of my portfolio that’s got the grungier stuff I’ve done when he stops me.

Client: Ooh wait, I like that one. Can you give me that?

He’s picked out an album I designed for fun, a fictional cyberpunk Electronica band. It’s a very clean design, a stylized bust heavy in neons on a black background with the album title in white text next to it.

Me: Well, I can definitely whip up something for you like that, though honestly I don’t think it will fit with your band’s style very well.

Client: No. I like this one, just give it to me. More people always show up to the EDM shows anyway.

Me: That’s kind of like false advertising, you know? People might get pretty upset if they pay to see you play based on your album art and find out it’s not what they expected.

He suddenly stands up and starts pacing.

Client: Whatever, f*ck them, I hate doing this sh*t anyway, they don’t know what they want to hear. And f*ck you too man, [mutual friend] doesn’t know sh*t if she thinks you can help me, you’re a dipsh*t.

He left in a huff, slapping at a potted plant and slamming the door behind him. Our mutual friend tells me that he’s been hijacking every conversation to badmouth me for trying to “corrupt the look of his music.”

Strap yourselves in, this is a client and agency from hell..

A few years ago, I was working for a creative agency, and a job came in from one of our biggest clients. They wanted a very high end brochure designed and printed for an exhibition on the other side of the world.

This job came in via my then boss and the account director, who told me everything was good to go, all agreed, budget set aside, ways of working signed etc. It was not my job to get involved in that, that was client services' responsibility, so I had no reason to question it.

I met with the clients and we scoped out what was needed. They wanted every print finish under the sun, and it worked out needing a four week print scheduled, and a further two weeks delivery to ensure it went through customs in time. I drew up a watertight plan with key milestones, review dates etc, everything they would need, and explained the risks of missing these dates, of not being able to do proper QA if time is restricted, all the usual. They said fine, they agreed to everything, off we went.

Of course, the client then chose to completely ignore that. Emails were unanswered, phone calls and voicemails ignored. We even turned up at her office frequently with bundles of proofs for her to check, only to be told 'she's out for the day'. On one occasion, a member of the project team had to wait in reception for three hours before the client left a meeting and finally gave her some time, and she was annoyed at us for "distracting her."

I raised concerns with my boss, saying this was getting out of hand and it needs intervention, or the project scrapping as it was now getting too risky.

I was told it would be fine.

The four week print production ended up being two weeks owing to the client constantly ignoring requests to review/sign off. This also meant the entire day set aside for proofreading/QA (there was a lot of technical spec in the brochure) ended up being 30 minutes. We could check hardly anything and just had to go with what we had.

As a failsafe, I had a number of brochures sent directly to the client's house in case the main consignment was held at customs she could take them in her luggage so they at least had something. I told her the printer would deliver them personally between 12:00 and 13:00 and she said great. I then had a call from the printer to say no one was in. I subsequently discovered she decided to pop out for a haircut during the agreed delivery time.

The brochures got delivered on time, after many late nights and pushing the printer to the limit to get it done. A few days later, we received a very angry email from the client. There was a mistake in the brochure, something we would have easily spotted if able to do proper QA. We all got on the phone and I suggested we get a local printer to print a card of the erroneous page so they at least have that page of correct tech spex, not ideal but better than not having it. She then informed us that as she was so angry at this, she had ordered all of the brochures to be destroyed.

I told her there was nothing we could do in that case, you have destroyed the product that took months to produce, we can't get more done in a few days, so she wanted a refund on the printing.

We had an internal meeting shortly after and I said there is no way we should even entertain refunding this. We gave them a solid plan and they ignored it, we tried to contact them so many times and were ignored, all the risks were ignored, they didn't listen to a thing we said and to top it off, pulped the brochures before even talking to us about a solution. I noticed the account director was being quiet and asked for her thoughts. She told us she had already emailed the client, agreed to the refund, said we would take full responsibility and that we would review out own practices as clearly we were in the wrong.

It took a good minute before I was able to speak again to ask why the hell had she done that. I was told it put us in a good place for future business. I also then discovered that all of this was agreed over a boozy dinner one night. Nothing had been contractually agreed at all, it was all say-so.

You know what? They never worked with them again.

And neither did I.

I agreed to help redesign a brochure and business cards for a company and asked my client to send me the most recent design files because they wanted a similar design in the redesign.

I got a forwarded email from my client that included the files AND a bonus conversation with the company’s previous designer:

Client: Hey homes. Sorry to be such a pain in the a but can you send me the brochure and the business cards files you made for us so I can forward them on to a less talented designer to do some modifications and redesigns for us?

I couldn’t wait to get started!

I've had a remote client for the past 6 years who's been one of my favorites. She's very pleasant and pays me well. The other day, when discussing the latest brief, she suddenly mentions that she's the grandmother of one of my best friends.

She's never mentioned her family relations before and they don't have the same surname so in disbelief, I ask my friend. Turns out it's true and my friend freaks out, begging me to block her. I learn that the grandmother, my client, has been abusive and violent towards her for years and isn't even allowed to contact her. The client claims that my friend referred me to her all those years ago which is a lie, as they haven't spoken in years.

I have no idea why my client would lie about that but needless to say, this is the last job I'm doing for her. No amount of money is worth being an involuntary part of my friend's family drama.

I was working on an animation project for a client.

Client: We need to have a stronger design for this character, something that really sells this project and company. 

Me: Alright, that sounds fair, the design does need updating.

Client: Look around for inspiration. Are you familiar with stuff like South park, Simpsons, Family guy, Jungle Book, Cinderella, that kind of stuff?

I have a degree in animation. I’ve watched and studied cartoons my whole life.

Me: Uh, yeah.

Client: Well, they all have good design, so work on making this character stand out.

Me: Okay, well I can work on that. Talk to you later.

They called me 5 minutes later on their personal phone.

Client: Just to let you know, don’t get tense about it, but you came off as a bit snippy with me, like I’m wasting your time or something.

Me: …Oh, I apologize, I didn’t mean to come off that way-

Client: Well you probably didn’t realize, you need to work on that if you want to continue being a team leader. Talk to you Monday.

Why is it always people on the lower end of the stick who have to grow thicker skins? I guess “uh, yeah, I know the most basic touchstones of my discipline” was enough to bruise this ego.