My first real design job was working in a sign shop doing design work for next to no pay.
The "best" part of the job was my boss' communication skills. He liked to draw circles on my designs and send them back, with no verbal or written explanation of what he wanted changed. If I asked, he would tell me I should be able to figure it out.
He also didn't let me talk to clients, because I might have messed up communications.
Client: You have a really trustworthy aura, so I don't think we need a contract.
Client: This program is missing half of the information we need to provide.
Me: I've asked you multiple times for that information, and done my best to design around it because you've resisted giving it to me for weeks.
Client: That sounds like an excuse to me.
When I was just starting out as a website developer, I took a government-sponsored business course and met a few contacts through that.
My very first job was for a woman who already had a WordPress website, she just needed it 'tweaking' in exchange for a testimonial, which I was happy to do. One of the things she wanted me to change was the main colour of the theme. It was a dark teal, and she wanted dark blue.
I did the changes and let her know I was finished.
Client: I don't like it. Change it back.
Me: I'm sorry, I seem to have misplaced the original color code. Do you have it available?
At this point she started violently berating me, yelling over the phone and asking how I could be so unprofessional. Chagrined, I apologized and changed the color back to what was very close, if not the same, as the original. I sent her an email to let her know.
That was the last contact I had with her, she never acknowledged the email or gave me a review (probably for the best!), but I was kind of glad not to have to deal with her any more.
Years have passed since then. The other day I received an email from the same woman. It said in its entirety:
Client: can you do me a favor
I didn't even bother to reply.
Me: So, as I understand, you will still want to review some of the website content, right?
Client: Yes, I will change some copy and some images.
Me: Ok, so I will wait for that before work on the final mobile version. The site is not published yet, so it will not be a problem.
Client: Yes, sure, that would be fine. I will call when we are ready to launch.
Two days later:
Client: URGENT: we published the website ourselves and the mobile version is not working. That's highly unprofessional and we have lost a lot of credibility for that. Fix it ASAP.
Me: Wow, ok. Have you made the final reviews?
Client: No.
Client: I could do what you do.
Me: I mean, probably. I actually think that you really apply yourself, you can be a pro designer in a year.
Client: No, like this afternoon. I could do it in an afternoon.
Me: ...Then why don't you?
Client: I just don't feel like it.
It's easy to criticize if you've never even tried.
During a conference call with a new client:
Client: So, are you the one I got the VD from?
Me: Um, no, I...
Client: Sorry, I meant DVD.
Client company needed a technical writer, and after 3 previous screenings, I finally got an interview with the project manager. The first words out of her mouth:
Client: here’s nothing you can tell me that’ll get me to hire you. I’m keeping this open until my son graduates from high school.
Me: Oh.
She then insisted that I show her my portfolio anyway, and this included a week-old cover story from a local weekly newspaper.
Client: (Tracing her fingers over the cover and moving her lips while reading the headline) This looks like a graphic to me.
Me: That’s just the cover. I wrote this whole article.
Client: Maybe I don’t understand what ‘cover story’ means, but that first thing looks like a graphic to me.
Is it really any surprise that the company shut down in the middle of the night 6 weeks later?
A salesman for a publishing company that specializes in pharmacy research journals came into the print shop where I work as a designer. He gave me his business card, saying he needed more but with some changes. He had several molecular formulas he wanted to add “because they looked cool.” However, the images of the formulas weren’t of the highest quality.
Client: Can’t you just scan it and make the changes?
Me: The background won’t scan very well, and there’s some text on top of it. Can you tell me what these formulas represent? I should be able to find some suitable images in order to recreate them?
Client: I don’t know what they are. It’s really not that important what they are. I just need cards by Wednesday so I look like I know what I’m doing.
It was a rush job, and I would have preferred better images, but he gave his approval and we met the deadline in time for him to attend a bunch of conferences and hand out most of his cards.
Curious, I took to finding out what the formulas were for. Turns out the client handed out cards with the formulas for cocaine and a variety of other hard drugs to a bunch of chemists.
I was working for a woman who runs a regional wellness and soap brand. She was always... a little much, but this exchange stuck with me.
We were going over the design brief for a kid-friendly soap, and she disagreed with one of my opinions.
Client: When you're a mother you'll understand.
Me: Oh, I'm not going to have kids.
Client: Why not? It's not like you're committed to a career or anything.
What do you think I'm doing RIGHT NOW other than a career?