Genuine feedback I once received:
Client: If I sh*t on your cupcake, you’d better tell me it’s chocolate!
Client: (two weeks ago) One more little tweak and we’re done!
Client: (one week ago) One more little tweak and we’re done!
Client: (Monday) One more little tweak and we’re done!
Client: (Tuesday) So if we print this 8.5x11 brochure on 11x14 will it look the same?
Client: (today) We’re going in a different direction with content and images. We’ll get back to you.
Client: We want to add a piece of voiceover to explain something we forgot to say.
Me: Okay get a new member of staff to record it, that way it won’t stand out when people watch the video.
The client sends over two voiceovers… both from people in the video. I edit it anyway and send it back.
Me: I think you’ll see when you watch the video - because the audio conditions changed on the same voices, the clip you sent it sticks out. I would still suggest getting another member of staff to do it so it just seems like another voice in the mix instead of the same voice, but weird.
Two days later.
Client: We see what you mean about the voiceover. Our idea [emphasis added] is to have another member of staff record it instead.
Wow, genius.
Good planning let me turn a potential CFH into a golden goose. Specifically, the fact that our contract that didn't include revisions.
What's the red flag to the situation I barely avoided? The fact that every email during the proof stage started with:
Client: So I passed this around the office...
*shudder*
I work in customer support and take abuse all day long.
Client: F*** you.
Me: Ouch, that’s not nice.
Client: Sorry, I’ve been having a bad day, I guess I shouldn’t take it out on you.
Me: (internally) YOU THINK!?!?!?!
First day on-site with a new client. At reception the team leader arrived to take me to my desk. She greeted me with a scowl and en route to the desk she stopped because she really needed to tell me something.
Client: We are very religious in this team and we have rules: There’s no cursing or taking the lord’s name in vain.
Me: …
In other words: welcome aboard, sinner!
Me: So…. what functionalities will you be needing on your website?
Client: We don’t really know, but if we were to build an e-commerce site, what technologies would you use?
Me: Well there’s a whole range of stuff you could do, Shopify, Squarespace, you could build it from the ground up, or maybe even use WordPress. It’s really up to what you need.
Client: I don’t think we should be working with you because you proposed technologies before we decided on functionalities.
Me: (flipping table in rage)
I started my morning with this delightful conversation before I could even answer the email the client had sent about it 20 minutes prior. For background, we were replacing mirrors in a hotel: we reduced the number of different sized mirrors from 13 to 3 in order to, ironically, avoid confusion:
Me: Good morning, Client, how are you?
Client: Confused. I have 12 mirrors of type 1, 4 of type 2, too many of type 3, but none of type 3 when I should have 28.and I should have 28.
Me: I understand your confusion. Per the plans we sent yesterday, we are only using Types 1-3. Type 4 was consolidated in with 3, which is why you have extra.
Client: You don't understand, type 4 is listed on this order.
Me: (panicking slightly) You should not have any of that. Are you saying you have four mirror sizes?
Client: No, I have three.
Me: Alright, that makes this easy: all rooms get type 3 except for the ones that get type 1 or 2. There are only 14 of these in total - just refer to the floor plan.
Client: I don't know why you didn't just send me a list of rooms saying which mirrors go in which room!
Aaaaand, we get to the heart of the matter: client just didn't want to have to read the 16 room numbers that are different and wished we'd broken down all 450 rooms individually.
I paint murals but work part-time in a skate shop so that I can still turn down creative work that I don't want to do. One of the other staff in the store left me a note about a customer who wanted a logo designed and had left their number. I don't design logos so I didn't follow up on it.
I phoned a customer who had special ordered some skateboard hardware. After discussing the hardware, this happened:
Client: Are you the artist?
Me: Yeah, probably.
Client: I have been trying to get hold of you for THREE MONTHS. I've left countless messages at the shop and they said they would leave you a note.
Me: What was it regarding?
Client: I need a logo designed.
Me: Right, I saw that note. It said to contact you if I was interestd, but I don't really do logos so I wasn't interested.
Client: I need a hand-drawn logo of a monkey...
Me: (interrupting) I'm sorry but I don't design logos.
Client: Well if you LISTEN to what I WANT then you can tell me if you know anyone who can do it.
Because I was representing the shop I was polite and listened to the end. He was aggressive and condescending the whole time.
I said I would let him know if I thought of anyone. But I don't think I dislike anyone enough to give them his phone number.
Me: Good afternoon, according to the ticket placed you cannot load the website, I will need control of your PC for a few minutes, is that okay?
Client: Yes, thank you.
The client continued to work, typing responses to emails.
Me: Uh, for me to do this I will need to have full control of the PC, without your input. We cannot both use the PC at the same time. Would you like me to connect again later?
Client: No, it's OK.
And yet they kept opening and closing emails for the next two minutes.
Me: It's a quick job - I just need you to stop typing and using the mouse so I can get it done.
At this point the client "accidentally" (?) disconnected the TeamViewer session.