Client: Can you Photoshop it for me?
Me: It’s a passport photo, that would be illegal.
Client: Can you do it anyway?
Me: Even if I did, it would be rejected.
Client: Won’t your guarantee cover that?
Client: What do you think of my website?
Me: Having a bunch of stock photos on the home page instead of actual employees probably doesn’t convey the message you want.
Client: We don’t have any photos.
Me: OK, but the stock photos you use still have the copyright watermarks. You need to purchase those images to get high-res photos that are free of watermarks
Client: Really? How much would you charge to remove those?
Me: Remove what? The stock photos?
Client: The watermarks.
I was handling a project for my that required me to create the company’s new website. When I presented it to my client, he liked the site but wanted a different set of photos to be displayed in the site.
Client: That’s not my problem, figure it out!
The next day, I presented rates from stock photo websites where we can purchase the photos for our website.
Client: I’m not going to pay for photos! Just grab something generic off the internet that someone can’t claim is theirs!
And then I quit.
It’s not plagiarism when you use Word’s thesaurus to change all the words!
I am a freelance photographer without a studio and I recently gave a woman a quote for her daughter’s High School graduation photos. She said I charged too much and went to a local studio that charges more. I know this because she called me and asked how much I would charge to take the watermark off the proofs she got from the studio. She said they charged too much for regular prints. She figured I would only charge her a couple of bucks since “I only had to Photoshop out the other studio’s logo”.
When I refused to help her, she said she was going to tell all the other parents at the school how unprofessional I was.
As a part-time photographer, I take copyright infringement very seriously. A client came in to my print shop to test that.
Client: Can you make a copy of this picture?
Me: Unfortunately no. I am not allowed.
Client: What do you mean?
Me: This image is the photographer’s intellectual property. It is illegal for me to make a copy of his work without his permission.
Client: So you don’t have the equipment? You can’t do it? You have all these big machines, surely you can do it.
Me: I can do it, I’m just not allowed to. In theory, I can make a copy. In practice, it is illegal to copy a photographer’s work.
Client: But I’ve had this done somewhere else before.
Me: Then they were breaking the law. I’m sorry, I just can’t help you. I can lose my job, get fined, or go to jail. It’s the law.
Client: I don’t understand. If we close the door, and I promise not to tell anybody, then it’s okay…
Me: So if we close the door, and I murder my colleague, but you don’t tell anybody, is that okay?
After completing a long, arduous Photoshopping task for a fashion company, the payment was due.
Me: In accordance with the contract, you owe me X.
Client: That’s quite a lot of money. How about I don’t tell anyone you slept with two of our models?
Me: I didn’t sleep with any of your models…
Client: How about instead of payment, I organize that?
Client: Find attached the text for our terms and conditions. Remember to include this, as it’s only protection against theft. Simply copy and paste the text.
The attached “text” was a picture taken (from his camera phone) of a tablet with the terms and conditions of a competing app open.
I was asked to design an album cover for a client. Attached were two photos - one of the client and one of a pot of crack cocaine being cooked.
Client: Could you just like Photoshop my face at the bottom of the pot or something?
After I did, he sent me a few variations on the picture of crack cocaine.
Client: Thanks, but it’s not quite right. Can you try it with one of these instead?
Me: Sure. Where are you getting these pictures anyways?
Client: I’d rather not say.
Me: Do you have a logo?
Client: Yes, I have a logo. It’s very nice and simple. It’s a globe.
Me: Cool, I’ll take a look at it and add it to the header. Can you send it to me?
Client: You can find it on Google Images. Search for “globe” and check page 5. There’s a nice blue one I like.