Client: I love the album cover, but it’s not professional enough. Make it look more professional with effects.
Me: What sort of effects did you have in mind?
Client: Pot smoke.
I sat down with a client who was in a panic because she wanted to change web designers. She signed, paid in full, and asked when I would have her site completed. I told her I will have a demo to show her in a week or so.
Four days later, she calls me in a panic, asking if the site is done because the previous designer is getting on her case and if she told him she hired a new one, he may take down the current site. I tell her I am not finished, and that I would need until the quoted timeframe to get the site done, especially if it needed to be put live ASAP.
For the next few days, I spend all day and night working on this site to meet her demands. On day seven, not only do I give her a demo, but a complete, working, and (in my opinion) beautiful website to show her.
Two days later, she tells me that everything is a disaster and that she just found out she was under contract for another two years with her current web designer. But that’s okay, because she “didn’t like the website anyways.” It “lacked detail.”
She demanded all her money back. I told her that that was unreasonable since she demanded a complete website to be delivered in a week and the service had been provided despite a reduced time frame and an change of scope.
She let me know she will be suing.
Client: Hi! We’d like another logo! Essentially, it would be three blocks of text. For the first: we’d like a background of international flags and then the text of cut out of the flags. The second is one you could get really creative with. We’d like it to look electric and have some sparks. Maybe it could be a black background with neon colored lettering. For the third we’d like a sea of faces from different races (maybe some cultural markers like jewelry) and then the text cut out of the faces.
Do you think you could do this? We’d also like a version that’s animated.
Me: I’ve read over your request and I just want to give you a heads up now: a lot of what you’re requesting goes against branding regulations and waivers that I wouldn’t have the legal rights to. I’d be happy to chat with you in person about what all of that entails.
Client: Ugh, I’ll have to talk it over with my boss. This is her idea and I just think it’s too brilliant to be bothered by regulations and rules.
Client: About a year ago, we had you make some edits to our business cards, letterhead, and envelopes, to update the legal notices. But, we didn’t end up ordering them then because we still had plenty of the old stock on hand. Anyway, we need to get some of them now and it’s kind of a rush order.
Me: Alright, let me know how many of each you want and when you need them by. I’ll get you prices after that.
Client: Well, our compliance audit is next week, so we need about 20 copies of each by then so we can show that we are in compliance.
I want my logo to sort of allude that I have questionable ethics.
Pay for a font? Spending any amount of money on 24 letters has to be some sort of scam.
A friend of a friend was recommended my services to discuss a project they had in mind. It took a bit of cajoling to get them to meet, and only then, it was only when I offered to sign a non-disclosure agreement (NDA) in order to protect their idea.
Client: I’m sure (mutual friend) told you enough about me that you know better than to steal my idea anyways.
Me: Haha, yeah, he mentioned you were a lawyer.
Client: Oh, I meant how good I am with a crossbow.
He did not laugh at this.
I was helping to set up an Ecommerce site. This included designing the logo, setting up the site, and making all the necessary visual design. I finally needed to start adding the products.
Me: Do you have a list of products and any images to accompany them?
Client: Oh we’re pretty much going to be selling everything on *********.com’s site.
Me: There are several thousand products – all of them?
Client: Yep, just take the photos and descriptions from them and put them on our site.
Me: I can’t just carbon copy -
Client: Oh, I know! When you copy their verbiage, just replace their name with ours.