Client: For this newsletter, I want Elsa and Olaf telling our customers not to "let go" these deals.
Me: I can't do that in good faith. Those are copyrighted characters, and if it gets to Disney they could sue both you and me.
Client: But why not? People use those characters all the time!
Me: My advice is to Let It Go.
I have this client who asked me to do him a website exactly like someone else's, even suggesting that I copy their text verbatim "to be changed at a later date." I fought back, but he would eventually insist.
This has been going on for months. I sent him an email:
Me: Look, I don't think I can continue with this anymore. I suggest you find another web designer whose professional ethics don't prevent them from plagiarizing a site, because I won't do it. I still think you shouldn't, but if that's what you demand than at least it won't be with me.
Several weeks later was my birthday. The client sent me a voice message:
Client: Happy birthday! Hey, thanks for being so patient with me. I haven't been able to read the last few emails you sent me but I'll get to that later.
I think he's in for a surprise. I don't feel bad, though. Who communicates via voice message and not email?
Me: Do you already have photos or will you need me to purchase some stock images on your behalf?
Client: I was just going to grab them from Google.
Me: Those aren't free to use, those belong to someone.
Client: (whispering) Well we won't tell if you won't.
Client: I found this image in a magazine, I’ve scanned it and sent it to you. I would like to use this as a banner on our website.
Me: Sir, but this is an image of Kylo Ren from Star Wars. It’s copyrighted material. How about we use a stock image instead?
Client: Nah, I got this from a magazine so it should be fine. I really like this image, plus it will appeal to the teens.
It was a website that sells printers.
A client asked me to replicate (plagiarize) a website. I worked hard to create a site that had the key features of his example but which wouldn't violate copyright and sent him an email letting him know it was finished. He left me a voicemail in response.
Client: Thank you for your work, but it's not finished. I really need it to look like [other site]. Please make it look more like that site in a professional manner you would be comfortable with.
Um, I did.
I am a frequent copywriting subcontractor to a small marketing agency run by a really nice man. His client, however, was more than a bit of a tool; he thought he was the smartest man in any room, and his business and his ethics left a lot to be desired.
I was hired to write 3 web pages. Every draft of his less-than-original business concept went through multiple drafts as he had to run them by his fellow “experts” in the field.
He criticized word choices that were not used in the drafts, asked for content already covered, and suggested I used "strong" words like “comprehensive” and “all-encompassing.” [wtf]
Once I sent the final drafts, I happily sent my invoice to the nice guy and put this client in my “never again” file. He contacted me weeks later, explaining he needed a brochure in a matter of days, and basically asked me to plagiarize a brochure he sent me.
Trying to blow him off in a professional manner, I (honestly) explained that I had other projects on my plate and did not have the bandwidth to take on his project in his timeframe. To which he responded:
Client: What do you mean by no bandwidth? No internet access? And why is this an issue.
SMH. Dodged a bullet there.
A client asked me to use another site as a template for theirs. I built a site using that cue, replicating the look and feel but not making it exactly the same.
Client: The font is different than the example! Change the font.
I changed the font to the exact same.
Client: The menu looks a little different.
I copied the menu exactly, clenching for what I knew would come next. Little by little, the client kept asking for incremental changes to make the site EXACTLY like this other one, asking me to basically steal the design by degrees.
I'm thinking of shifting to daily billing for revisions.
In college my first internship was at a small start-up ad agency working as an unpaid designer. On my first day, the president told me that they had to fire the previous intern because she wasn't doing a good job (thanks, no pressure).
Two weeks later, the president tells me they are bringing on a senior designer.
Client: The new designer doesn't have an Adobe Suite license. Can you give us your student ID so we can get it for them?.
Me: Uhhh...
Client: The previous intern did it for us.
I quit the next day. Why would I want to work for free at an agency committing fraud??
A while back, I was contracted by a regular client to help him set up his new restaurant (website, social media, logo, etc…). I also agreed as a favor to help him navigate Mailchimp and set him up with an account so that he could send out newsletters to his guests. One day I receive an email titled “Database Imports” containing an Excel file.
Me: What’s this for?
Client: These are subscribers to be added to our new Mailchimp account.
Me: Oh, great! How did you collect them?
Client: Friends, family and a few regular customers from my other restaurants.
Me: Cool ok, it’ll be nice to start with a few subscribers. Let me take a loo-
Me: ...There are 66,256 names on this list.
Client: Yes so what?
Me: You got 66,256 people to agree to sign up?…
Client: Of course I didn’t. They signed up to newsletters from my other businesses. Same thing.
Me: No it’s not. This is illegal.
Client: You worry too much. Do it.
Me: But…
Client: Just do it. I have 30 years' experience in this biz and that’s how it’s done.
Fast forward a few months and the introduction of GDPR…
Client: WE URGENTLY NEED TO REVISE ALL OUR MAILING LISTS. I TRUST YOU HAVE A WAY OF SEPARATING THE ONES WHO SIGNED UP FROM THE ONES WE ADDED?
I actually saw this coming and set up different lists, just in case so it would be a breeze to delete the offending entries. But I’m still debating if I shouldn’t dish out some poetic justice and tell him he needs to start from scratch because I hate the way he handles his customer private information.
A client asked me to design a decal for the hood of her car advertising her services.
The weird thing? On her website, she described herself as a designer. Oh well, I thought, everyone needs help sometimes. But she immediately gave me cause to suspect that she wasn’t really a designer.
First she sent a bitmap image with an eps file extension and couldn’t understand why it looked so pixelated. She asked me to “clean it up.” For another, she requested that the color be “emoji yellow.”
I did my best and sent her a vector PDF via email.
Client: It’s all pixelated.
Me: I’m not sure why it is coming across that way. Something must have translated weird in the emailing process. Let me take a look.
Me: Did you open the PDF proof in the Acrobat to view it or did you view through the email only? I emailed it to myself and that’s what I’m seeing in the email app but when I open the emailed PDF attachment in Acrobat, it’s perfect.
Client: I opened the email.
Me: Okay, when you get a chance open the PDF in the Acrobat and let me know what you got.
Client: I can’t do that. Can you send a JPG or PNG?
Again: a “designer” who can’t open a PDF.
I sent both a JPG or PNG and didn’t hear back from her… but I saw her car driving around with my design on it. I checked her website, and she claimed that she designed the decal herself.