A client asked me to design a decal for the hood of her car advertising her services.

The weird thing? On her website, she described herself as a designer. Oh well, I thought, everyone needs help sometimes. But she immediately gave me cause to suspect that she wasn’t really a designer.

First she sent a bitmap image with an eps file extension and couldn’t understand why it looked so pixelated. She asked me to “clean it up.” For another, she requested that the color be “emoji yellow.”

I did my best and sent her a vector PDF via email.

Client: It’s all pixelated.

Me: I’m not sure why it is coming across that way. Something must have translated weird in the emailing process. Let me take a look.

Me: Did you open the PDF proof in the Acrobat to view it or did you view through the email only? I emailed it to myself and that’s what I’m seeing in the email app but when I open the emailed PDF attachment in Acrobat, it’s perfect.

Client: I opened the email.

Me: Okay, when you get a chance open the PDF in the Acrobat and let me know what you got.

Client: I can’t do that. Can you send a JPG or PNG?

Again: a “designer” who can’t open a PDF.

I sent both a JPG or PNG and didn’t hear back from her… but I saw her car driving around with my design on it. I checked her website, and she claimed that she designed the decal herself.

It's desperate times, fellow designers, but don't be too eager for a job that it ends up costing you money.

I've been targeted by scammers twice in the past month via text message. I believe they got my number from Creative Hotlist where I (used to) have my phone number listed. I got the first text on April Fool's Day, appropriately enough.

Client: Greetings. I'd like to know if you offer graphic design services. Let me know how you are doing?

-Robert Jack.

I know, I know. I should have run right away. But I thought maybe English was his second language and he preferred an American alias, so why not just reply in case it was a real offer.

Me: I do. May I ask who referred you so I can thank them?

Client: Thanks for the quick reply. I need visual identity and catalog design. Can you take on new projects? I came across your info on Creative Hotlist.

I asked him to email me with details of his project request, which he did. He sent two PDFs and, although his furniture company name seemed lame (Woodrx?), I said I'd put together a bid. Naturally, I bid quite high and stated that I required 50% down. I figured that would be the end of it. He replied immediately.

Client: I got your estimate. Pricing looks good I'd like to proceed. As for payment I'm presently in Delaware for medical purposes I'll pay with my card.

Me: Okay, great! I'll draw up a contract. I'll need you to sign it before we proceed.

Client: What accounting software do you use?

Huh? If you're paying by card it shouldn't matter. He says he can only pay through QuickBooks. I should have run then but I figured it would be easy enough to create a QuickBooks account.

Contract sent, contract signed, QuickBooks account created... and then the rub. An email with the subject line: Assistance Needed.

Client: I got in touch with the project consultant but I'm having a little issue with him regarding my agreement with him, I'd signed the agreement to make cash or bank deposit to him for his payment but due to my present condition I was diagnosed with lung cancer and will undergo a surgery soon so I'm limited and I won't be able to do that. Kindly send me an invoice of $7,590 in which $2490 will be your payment for the job and $5000 you will help me forward to the project consultant so he can release the raw files for the catalog to you. You can keep $100 as tip. Once I make the payment and you have funds in your possession then you can help me forward to him. I will balance upon job completion.

$%#@! I'd allowed myself to be a player in a two-bit scam as old as online transactions. I quickly replied that I don't funnel money and that the contracts were void, I voided them in Quickbooks and ignored his pleading emails that it was all on the up-and-up.

Two days later, I got another text that was exactly the same that "Robert Jack" sent from "Bob Donald. I never replied.

Fellow designers, take note. This "person" is truly a Client from Hell.

Client: I want a clean simple design for my website, and it should be fast.

He approved the mock-up, I finished the work in a few days.

After the work was done:

Client: I don't like it anymore. It should look more like Amazon, and eBay and AliExpress. 

Me: Okay, It will be a ton of extra work and will cost you $x extra.

Client: I am not paying that! Just copy-paste the design from Amazon. 

I was commissioned to do some market sizing for a well-recognized, global financial services firm. The job was to size a market and to identify future growth opportunities for a major report they were doing.

I identified the market size and plotted a growth projection, the client seemed really happy. Two months later the report is published online and I check out our research, all of the figures had been inflated by at least six times creating a significant lie that was attributed to our company.

Me: Hi, I think there’s a problem with the figures in the report, they don’t match our findings, have you gone to print yet?

Client: Work in your own interests and don’t ever undermine me again.

Me: I will always tell the truth about this when asked.

Never worked with him again.

I was working in a production warehouse on a contract basis, and there were various chemicals being sprayed and used on site.

The warehouse doors mostly remained closed, for unknown reasons.

After my first week, my eyes burned each night when I got home. At work, my chest pounded randomly.

I finished my contract and declined to do another Health standards, like adequate ventilation and fans, exist for a reason.

I volunteered to design a logo for a non-profit so that I could get some experience and a portfolio piece while helping others. 

Me: Please see the drafts as a starting point. I performed research, used my imagination, and designed some drafts of logo concepts based on your organization's mission and location.

Client: These are cool! I'll show the committee.

I was thinking - well, that could get messy. Various opinions and all from random people I haven't met.

I didn't hear back from the Manager for weeks.

I checked back on their social media. They posted that a friend of the manager created their new logo design (he was the owner of a local Agency). The logo was VERY SIMILAR to the designs I created. They didn't mention me at all. 

I've heard of "design by committee." This is my first example of theft by committee.

COVID has been revealing a lot of awful business practices. 

My husband is a manager for a company that offered employees extra paid time off if they or a loved one get sick, or if they need to quarantine and stay home.

The bosses told the managers to track everyone who uses the extra PTO so they can be fired "once this virus blows over."

I worked for a design agency 10 years ago. My predecessor built two complete websites for a client – neither of which had gone into use or were ever paid for – but the client was a big shot in the industry and got away with it.

I changed jobs a couple of years later to another agency. Lo and behold, we get called to build a website for this same client. I told my boss about the two websites that never saw the light of day at my previous employer, and warned her to get paid upfront.

I went to the client's offices to discuss the brief.

Client: Don't worry about the content. I've actually already collated all the content into a mock website to give you an indication of what you're looking for.

At this point, he showed me a demo model of one of the sites that were built at my previous boss's agency!

Me: (feigning ignorance) Wow. Did you put that together yourself?

Client: (beaming with pride) Yes. Not bad, right?

Oh, it's bad. Very, very bad.

Client: I find it annoying that you keep emailing transcripts of what we discussed over the phone - I don't need a paper trail.

Client: I want a design for my business incorporating the attached image.

Me: Sorry I can’t use this because it’s someone else’s copyrighted work. I’d need permission from the copyright owner.

Client: Don’t worry, I paid for the comic book, I do own it.