I get a message from a family friend:

Client: I need this logo, and it should be really, really easy. Can you do it?

Me: Sure, send me the details.

Client: It's going to be embroidered on a hat. I want it to have a bench and a tree and rocks on both sides of the bench and a flag in the background and gradients and grass. I've made a sketch. 

It's a VERY detailed sketch. Done small, embroidered, it would look a mess. 

Me: ...and all of this is going on a hat... embroidered?

Client: Yeah! 

Me: It'll probably look better if we make it a little simpler. This isn't going to work well for what you want. 

Client: Thanks! When can you have it done?

I decide to let it be their problem. 

Me: ...next week?

Client: That long? OK, it'll be fine, I guess... 

I send it over, based on the drawing. I ask for feedback. Three weeks pass.

Client: Sorry, I've been busy. Why is the bench so short? Why are the rocks so large? The flag needs to be a triangle. I don't want grass. Can you get it done quickly? 

Everything looked like the sketch. But I make changes. Another three weeks pass.

Client: I didn't see this until now. The flag needs to be a rectangle and bigger, and change the colours to something less obnoxious. The bench needs to be shorter and the rocks larger. Why are they so small? Where's the grass?

I make changes. Again. Two weeks pass. 

Client: When will you be done?

Me: I already sent it.

Client: Oh right! Just take away the flag. The grass must be taller. Can you change the colour of the bench to red, and the grass to a more autumn-yellow and can you make it look like the grass is blowing in the breeze? And the rocks should be more of a green-grey than a grey-grey, and three more shades on each would be cool. 

This basically went on for about three months. By which time it felt like pulling all my teeth at once.

I never saw evidence of a hat. Probably because they realised it didn't work.

A friend of mine texted me (she's an actor) saying to call her, because she has a "job" for me. Turns out she's an ensemble member in a theater, and the theater needs a new corporate design, which is my specialty.

Yeah, it would be paid, there's money available, just, just, just - the way they wanted to handle it is they were going to ask a bunch of freelancers and agencies ("just a few") to submit "a few" (of course unpaid) ideas and drafts and then will decide with whom to work.

I had to explain to her what "no spec" means, and what the idea behind a designer's portfolio is. She insisted:

Client: That's the way it's done in business.

She based this on the fact that she once worked in an agency for 3 months, 20 years ago. I had to explain to her that yes, pitching is a thing but that 1) it's something agencies (not freelancers) do for 2) bigger budget projects than this and that they 3) get paid for the pitch.

She kinda gave in a little, but already just another piece of evidence why you should avoid working for clients that are from your friend circles.

I got a website project from a friend of a friend. His "business" was in door-to-door sales. There were plenty of red flags indicating this guy was going to be a nightmare to work with, but against better judgment I took the job.

A few weeks and way too many revisions later:

Me: The site is done. Once you pay me I'll get your hosting set up.

Client: You're charging this much? My cousin would do it for way cheaper

Me: This was my agreed-upon rate from the beginning. If you can get a better deal I encourage you to do that, but I do need to be paid for my time thus far. 

He paid me, begrudgingly, but opted to hire his cousin for the rest of the job. I sent him the code and files. Job done, clean break. Could be worse. 

Six months later I got an email:

Client: Hey! This is my cousin. Please help him set up the website.

Me: ...I'm sorry. I'm not taking on any new projects.

At which point he lost his s***. 

Client: You have an obligation to help me! The job isn't finished!

As if I should take the time to teach this guy's incredible cousin how to set up a website, no charge, six months later. 

Luckily I had a contract to fall back on. Pretty much just shoved the files back in his face and wished him good luck. I did end up walking the cousin through a few things out of totally feeling sorry for him. But even that was in vain. He truly had no idea what he had gotten himself into. On the plus side, he was "super cheap."

I'm an industrial and interior designer. For a client's research project, I designed and built an interactive installation, with VR and physical interactions. Everything went quite well for this part, but at the end when I offered to create promotional content (high-quality photos and videos), the client told me there was no more budget, and asked me if I could still create the content.

Client: I have no research budget for the photos and videos. Can you still do it?

Me: Well... I have to do it for my portfolio anyway... But it's going to be more "modest" than what I would have done with budget, and it's going to be focused for my personal use. But I can share the content with you once it's done!

Client: OK! I just need it for my PhD defense. 

Me: OK! If you don't mind I will ask you to pay the costs 50-50 with me. So just like 80$ to pay a photographer friend a little bit and rent some additional filming equipment. He will bring his cameras for free and we will be the models in the videos and photos.

We did everything and ended up with good footage and photos, which I shared with her right away.

Three weeks later:

Client: Hey! So, is the video done? I need it in 3 months.

Me: Well, it's not. I am sorry, but the thing is... I learned that I have cancer. So I will not be able to edit the footage and make a quality video. I need to focus on my health. But I can refer you a friend to help you with the video, it's due in 3 months, it's really doable.

Client: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! But you put me in trouble, you know. I don't have any money to pay your friend. You told me you could make the video. I was relying on you!

Me: Well, like I said, I have CANCER. 

Client: I know and I am really sorry for you and wish you the best, BUT... When I tell someone I can do something for them, I try to be true to my word...

Me: Well... How long do you want your video?

Client: 10 minutes.

Me: What? Sorry, it won't be possible and I think there was a misunderstanding. I offered to share a video I would do for MYSELF, for my portfolio. Something 1 minute long, max. You can't possibly think that for $80, you would get professional quality photos and footage, and get me to work like 20 hours to make a professional 10 minute video, right? Already, you got the content and you paid practically nothing for it.

Client: WHAT? I paid nothing? I paid $80 and you told me you would make me a video! I was there for 4 hours when you filmed and took photos. I modeled. I worked and helped you, you know, it's worth something! 

Me: I was there as well, directing the video without a scenario because you couldn't pay me to prepare one. I was there for more than 4 hours, and managed everything. And... I HAVE CANCER, REMEMBER?

Client: If I knew you would drop me like that, I would just have taken pictures and videos with my iPhone.

What. The. Hell. 

I’m a music producer. I was working with a friend to produce a song he wrote, and I did it for a HUGE discount because he’s my friend, he’s moving away soon, and I’m still building my portfolio. Big mistake. 

After I sent him what I thought was the final mix

Client: Can you bring the bass down slightly? Just a tad.

Me: (makes changes and sends it to him)

Client: Can you pan the rhythm guitar to the left and the lead guitar to the right? Also lower the bass a TINY bit. And can you BARELY lower the vocal effect volume?

Me: (makes changes and sends them to him)

Client: Actually I was wrong, the bass is too quiet. Can you bring it up just a TINY bit? Also I don’t know why you panned the rhythm guitar, can you center it?

Me:  You just told me you wanted the rhythm guitar panned. Also, we’ve been making tiny revisions like this for a month, so if you have any more tweaks you want me to make, these will have to be the final ones because I have dress rehearsals all this week for a show I’m in, and won’t be able to work on your song. I think the mix sounds great.

Client: Since I’m paying you, I want to have the option to make more revisions if I’m not 100% happy with the mix.

Me: (angrily stays up late making changes, sends them to him)

The last straw was when he texted me right as a show I was working on began its opening night.

Client: I don’t like how there’s no rhythm guitar in the intro. Can you copy and paste the rhythm guitar from the outro into the intro? Also I need this done by the end of today, I really want to release this song this weekend.

Lessons learned: don’t give your friends discounts, and for the love of God, charge extra for ridiculous amounts of revisions.

This one time a childhood friend of mine asked me to photograph an event. Since she was a close friend, I agreed to do it for free before really thinking about it.

I wound up having to cut a vacation short to do it, but I’d given my word. I rebooked my return flight so I arrived just in time to cover the event. I showed up, took about 400 photos, and then went home and fell right asleep because I hadn’t slept in over 20 hours and had gone straight from a long flight to covering this event.  

The next morning I woke up to a Facebook message:

Client: Why haven’t you sent me the photos yet?

Me: I still need to process them! It will take a few hours and I was asleep.

Client: Well by when can you do it? I need to post the photos on Facebook now!

Me: I would say about a week but if you are in such a hurry I can look through them, choose some standouts, edit them and send them to you tonight.

Client: No, I need them all now.

Me: You wanted these edited. I can’t edit 400 photos in one night.

Client: But I need them all now!

Me: Sorry but that’s impossible.

Client: Well then don’t edit them all, just do, like, half of them.

Me: That still takes more than an evening for me, especially since I am busy with my day job besides. Best I can do is 4 days.

Client: Okay.

Half a day later:

Client: Why haven’t you sent me the photos yet?

I just ignored the message. The next day:

Client: Why haven’t you sent me the photos yet?

I hurried to do something and sent her roughly 40 edited photos and another 250 unedited. She was still complaining I was late and ended up posting badly over-filtered versions everywhere.

She didn’t say “thank you” once.

I’m a freelance video editor. The “client” here is a “former” friend.

Client: I need a favor. I need a movie trailer for Sundance.

Me: I’m really busy on another project. I wish I could help you but I don’t have the time.

Client: I can pay you 180 per shift!

Me: …That’s really low.

Client: I need you to finish it in 3 days.

Me: First, that’s not enough time to cut a really high-quality trailer from the raw footage you have and second, I really, really don’t have the time.

Client: I need you to start on Thursday

Me: I’m on a shoot that day and the following days.

Client: This is a really great chance to impress my DoP. He shoots dozens of movies a year – this could lead to more work.

Me: I really want to help you but I don’t have the time.

Client: I gotta go, I have another call coming in.

Me: OK. Good luck.

A few days later I discovered he unfriended me on social media. I saw him again a month later and he was extremely rude to me for having the gall to actually be doing paid work I guess.

One of my clients referred me to his friend for a new website for his retail store.

I met him at his store and we discussed what he needs and explained everything for almost two hours.

When I gave him an estimate of how much it will cost(very generous) he almost starts shouting.

Client: I am not paying you this much.

Me: Well, for the amount of work involved this is best I can do. You want an eCommerce store that supports 600 products that has to integrate with your POS system. It's a big job. 

Client: But my wife told me I can make a website with WIX for 20 bucks. You seem like a good guy so I'll pay you 100 dollars, but I need a website to be ready in a week.

I tried my best but had to say goodbye.