I am a graphic design student and a few days ago I designed a resume for myself. It was in full color and featured infographics; I figured it should be eye-catching.

Later, I showed it to a friend who wanted me to do one like it for him.

Me: Okay, just send me what info you want on it and I’ll get started.

Client: Sure! I can’t wait.

He didn’t send me anything. About a week later:

Client: So how’s the design going?

Me: You haven’t sent me any information. I can’t design an infographic without it.

Client: Oh just design something and send it to me so that I can complete it.

Me: Or you could just send all the information and I’ll do it for you.

Client: Okay I’ll send you something.

Rinse, repeat. Eventually, he did send me some actual info and I made a simple design. I sent him the final result and he was really happy with it… until I got this text:

Client: Everyone criticized my new resume. They said I should go for something more conventional, so I’m just going to take your design and modify it a little bit. 

Needless to say, I’m not doing any favors for him ever again.

I work in IT. A friend of mine who is clueless to anything you have to plug in was setting up their new shop and asked for help, promising me “some compensation.” He is loaded as hell so I figured he would be good for it.

I put in five hours work (by myself after hours with the main building a/c turned off) installing multiple terminals, networking them all, and running through basic set up and updates so that they could be turned on and ready to go, NOT TO MENTION a basic hardening of his network so it would be reasonably secure.

He gave me a bottle of coke.

I usually work in animation, but I also do illustration commissions. A friend who is an up and coming model asked me to produce an illustration to post to her followers as a birthday gift.

Client: Can you draw a picture of me, one like the one you drew of yourself?

I produced a rough ink drawing. It’s not cartoony (like mine was), but I had a hunch she would prefer a more realistic drawing. Considering her modelling background, I didn’t want to be unflattering. It looked good.

Me: Ok, here’s a drawing I did of you. I hope you like it.

Client: Oh! It’s great.

She uploaded the illustration.

A few weeks later:

Client: so when are you going to draw that picture for me?

Me: What? I did.

Client: No, the real one. Like the one that you drew of yourself.

Me: Uhhhh…

I end up working on another, much more time-consuming piece. I ask for the client to provide photo reference and even pose reference of how they would like to look (since I know that they’re particular). I work on a more stylised drawing.

Me: Ok, here are a few sketches. Choose the one you like most and I’ll finish it.

Client: It doesn’t look like me. Can you make it look more like me?

Me: Less cartoony? More realistic?

Client: More like me.

I redraw the drawing in a more realistic style. I produce two un-rendered pieces to choose from because I know that my client is particular.

Client: You used the wrong photo. I’ll get you a different one.

Me: You gave me both of these photos and I drew both of them for you. Are you telling me they’re both wrong?

Client: Yeah. Let me get you another one.

After one ink drawing, two sketch drawings and two renderings I am actually tracing the photo by this stage. Shame on me but I am mad and not getting paid.

Me: Here is your drawing.

Client: It doesn’t look like me. Can you make it look more like me?

Me: This is actually traced directly from your photo. This is how you look.

Client: (a long silence) …Ok just change the eyes to look more like me.

I change the eyes to look less like her.

Me: Here. It’s you.

Client: It’s great! I’m really close to reaching my new follower landmark on my main page. How soon can you finish it by?

Me: Finish?

Client: Yeah, like, with color?

So now, apparently she expects me to color it. I move around my schedule to get it done, and hand it over. I say that I don’t have any more time for any changes the just have to have the piece as it is. I’m done. After a few days, I get a message from my client.

Client: The picture’s great! I’ve uploaded it now.

I check to see if the post got any attention. As it turns out, she uploaded the piece to her Instagram story. The piece is online for only 24 hours (less time than it took to draw it) and if they click her story, and then it disappears forever. It took me longer to make this piece.

I’m so done.

So, I have a friend who is awesome but does not think things through and sometimes makes insane arbitrary decisions out of nowhere. To give you an example of how impulsive and big-hearted he is, he bicycled across the country to raise money for kids who have cancer. 

He asked me to film the whole thing with the idea that we were going to make a documentary. I was fresh out of film school and his promises of fame and fortune sounded decent. They were in a band as well and played for food and donations to the charity.

So, and this is important, there was four of us. Him, his wife, a guitar player and me filming. So we were filming him cycling, his band playing, some charity functions (which were part of the band playing) and basic interactions with all of us.

I put a whole lot of time and effort into this…and much of my own money. Basically, I bought a fast laptop so I could edit on the road and a bunch of hard drives and some equipment and took a month off of my life to do this.

Long story short, we made zero money – meaning I’d spent about $5000 dollars (all my savings) of my own money to do this. 

When we got back I was going to insanely start editing this massive amount of footage. That’s when my friend gave me a few stipulations: 1) Leave his wife out of the documentary because he did not want her to be harassed by fans. 2) Leave the band part out of it because he did not want to look like he was trying to get famous by using the charity.

His wife was in mostly 90% of the footage. The band was in 80%… including the 10% of the footage where his wife didn’t appear.

There was no budget and I was not going to try to make a documentary about nothing so the project died. Live and learn; just because your friend is rad doesn’t mean he’s going to be great to work with. We raised some money for charity.

Client: I need some headshots and some portraits. Are you available to do a shoot?

Me: Sure! And since you’re a friend, I’ll charge the flat rate of $150, but then we can go nuts and take some really fun shots.

Client: Wait, I thought this would be free. Why would I pay you?

I worked as a cinematographer for five years. An old friend asked me to “help” him for a few days with a music video he was directing. On the first day of filming, he revealed that: a) I was the only person he hired, b) he doesn’t own any cameras, and c) he has no knowledge of operating any filmmaking cameras. 

During the filming, he kept brushing off my advice and gave me vague instructions. A few hours later, we took a break.

Me: Do you have anything to eat?

Client: No, I’m not really hungry. Were you working on an empty stomach all along? Dude, you should learn to carry your own snacks. I do that all the time. It’d be good for you.

We were filming at a remote cabin by the lake with no cell reception, so I couldn’t get food. He gave me some of his snacks and told me I eat a lot. After he kept me working much longer than he promised, I told him that I need to leave and pick up the filming the next day. 

Client: You have to go now? I guess that’s fine. But you don’t need your camera until tomorrow, right? You should leave it here. I want to walk around and experiment how my locations will look. I also need to practice filming.

Me: No, I have to take it with me.

Client: Okay, fine. Wow, I guess you’re really attached to your camera! 

He had a way of suggesting my needs were personal faults. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I asked to be paid, and he responded “I guess some people are just caught in the rat race, man!”

I accepted a small job of making a flyer for my aunt’s boyfriend’s amateur jazz band. After three weeks of going back and forth, unnecessary changes that could have been avoided easily had his first brief been complete, I send him the invoice.

I get a call from him the next day.

Client: Well I didn’t know it would cost this much money!

Me: I’m doing this work at a pretty big discount actually.

Client: Look, I asked you because we’re basically family! I wanted to give you some work! I mean I could’ve gone to anyone else!

Never again am I working for “family” members.

After getting out of the movies, I looked at my phone to find 10 texts from a friend explaining how, exactly, she wants me to design her son’s second birthday invites.

I had never discussed this with her, she didn’t ask, and she simply assumed I was doing it.

Client: Toy Story themed…. Paste his face on Woody’s head… Maybe Buzz Light Year to the side, I dunno you can design however you want… Toy Story fonts, Toy Story backgrounds, etc.

After the texts stopped coming in, I texted her back:

Me: We need to talk.

To which she responded:

Client:  …but I don’t want it super themey.