I'm a ghostwriter, and I was working with a client who kept hiring me for mini contracts to edit his chapters. He also recently became my lowest-paying client after I raised all my rates, and had insisted on lots of annoying extras like long rambling video meetings, so I wasn't exactly sad to see him go. 

Me: Hello, [client]. I just wanted to update you on something that is going to affect my work going forwards. I've recently found out I'm pregnant! Although I'm so happy, it does mean I now need to carefully schedule my time for the next six months before I go on maternity leave, and unfortunately I can only fit in the work I already have contracted going forwards. That means I won't be able to work on your project any longer. 

I'm paraphrasing... My actual letter was much more polite and apologetic. I signed off with recommendations for alternatives and wished him the best with the project.

Client: Okay. I can wait. Can you fit me in after six months? You're still going to be doing a bit of work on maternity leave, right?

No, dude. I'm not going to be working on your book while I'm literally in hospital giving birth. Wow.

I was designing a Kindle Direct book for a client. We'd gotten proofs, but there was an issue with the cover.

Me: Yeah, looking at the screenshot, it is not a bleed issue, it is 100% a pagecount issue. I'll need the updated pagecount from you to continue. 

Client: KDP got back to me, with page count (518).

This was on Friday, right before the end of the day. Then, on Saturday:

Client: How’s going with the re-sizing of the cover, now that you have the page count and the exact dimensions from KDP?

Later that day:

Client: What’s up, is fixing the cover harder than you thought? Or are you pike fishing in Denali? I hope you’re okay.  

On Sunday. 

Client: Okay, unless you are on life support or molesting some uncontacted tribe in Papua New Guinea, you owe me some kind of response today. My next move, since I have nothing to useful from the contract for a paperback cover, will be to appeal to Reedsy for a way to complete the project.

Me: Hello, I am sorry but I was away for the weekend, I have had some very tight deadlines before that. I am working currently on 20+ different projects so I can’t always get to things like this immediately. I will have it for you shortly though. I have finished everything on my part, an I even did the print cover twice. I have done changes after they were agreed upon. I know that you are new to this, but if you look at it from my side, you have sent me two incorrect pagecounts, which means I need to to the whole resizing process over again. Also, what do you mean "molesting an uncontacted tribe in Papua New Guinea"? That is completely uncalled for and honestly very rude.

Client: It meant you might be offline. Sorry if you thought I really believe that you are an eco-tourist. Not sending a short acknowledgement that you got my emails is also a breach of etiquette. For all I knew you were fed up with the whole project and decided to let it slide, or drop its priority to #21, leaving me to my own resources. Thanks for the file; I’ll submit it and see if it flies. If it doesn’t I’ll let you know, but I think this time I’ll just use the front cover and do my own with one of their templates.

Me: Okay, I worked all weekend but I think it was worth it. I completed the entire project to schedule, and personally, I'm really happy with the results.

Client: Hey, sorry, I meant to message you a week ago but I got sidetracked. We're going in another direction. 

If that direction was "straight to hell," I would have applauded their foresight. 

I made the mistake of not turning my phone to "silent" before going to bed. Suddenly, at 2:34 AM, it started vibrating off my nightstand with messages from a client requesting revisions I'd asked for three days prior.

Me: I'll take a look at these in the morning.

Client: Oh good, you're up! Any chance you can take a look right now? 

Client: I need this done ASAP, it can't wait!

Me: no problem, I'm on it.

Later:

Me: Hello? I've been trying to contact you for days! I thought you needed this last week?

Client: Sorry, I only work Thursdays and Fridays.

Client: Would you mind sending me [a particular file]?

Ten minutes later:

Me: Oh, sure, just give me a second.

Client: Why did it take so long to respond?

Me: I was just taking a little break. 

Client: While I'M paying you?

Client: I briefed you yesterday, and you haven't finished a draft yet? How much time does it take to write copy? 10 minutes to think + 10 minutes to write + 10 minutes to verify. I am expecting at least 15-20 options for the time you’ve taken writing this copy. 

Backstory. We were having a virtual company kick off. My team was responsible for content, delivery, and everything in between. We are super small, so I’m responsible for the content.

I meet with all presenters, discuss their goals, objectives, plans, etc. then offer what we can do to bring it to life based on the timeline and all the other priorities (e.g we have 40 video deliverables in 1.5 months).

Everyone agreed in December to complete a script and draft a PowerPoint for a shoot in early Jan. Four out of five clients followed directions and got what they wanted.

Enter client one of five.

Me: thanks for agreeing to the timeline. Did you guys begin writing your script? I would like to see who needs to review it before we build the presentation

Client: I already built the presentation.

Me: oh, ok. Do you have the script?

Client: I don’t need one. We are just going to talk over these slides.

I opened the .ppt - it's a landmine file,  with excel tables, images owned by other companies, and just plain garbage.

Me: ...Okay. What do you want done with this?

Client:  I want all these visuals turned into motion graphics.

Me: We agreed to light motion graphics for your presentation, but you need to write a script or we won’t know what needs to be emphasized or why.

Client: Okay.

At this point they went behind my back to speak directly with the vendor, who contacted me:

Vendor: Can you help? This client wants us to create 50 bespoke assets just for him.

Me: WTF? Nobody agreed to that!

I reached out to the client to iron out the issues.

Client: Just let me work with the vendor directly and step out of the way

Me:  No, we have 35 other deliverables, and we can’t make all this in the timeframe you want.

The client proceeded to ignore me, working with the vendor and expecting them to turn around graphics and animations in 2-3 work hours - and was mad when they couldn't. Of course, this impacted all 35 of the other projects we were working on for him other projects because all resources go to him instead of the team.

We just finished the videos last night for a launch at 8 AM this morning. Seriously.... I almost killed him.

Client: You're late.

Me: Oh no! What time is it? 9:58? I thought we were meeting at 10 - did I get my wires crossed?

Client: No, we're meeting at 10, but if you want to make it in this business you should be 15 minutes early. AT LEAST. 

Sure. And are you going to pay me for that 15 minutes too? 

Client: Do you have time to edit this? It'll only take a moment.

Me: Sure.

They showed me their e-blast letter, and it was a mess. Unclear sentences, busted grammar, just terrible.

Me: Sorry, but this will take more than just a moment. I'll need to actually schedule this in.

Client: I thought you were good!