Me: What’s your budget?
Client: Our budget is the best we can get for the least amount of money.
I was designing a landing page for a client. After showing him my initial idea:
Client: I like
the direction so far, but we need to keep in mind users do not read things. Do
not make them think!
5 minutes later:
Client: Great, I’ll send over our copywriter in a moment because I really think more copy will push this to the next level.
I was working on a site for a private equity firm that deals in healthy living consumer packaged goods and was asked to change the banner to something “food or healthy living focused.”
First I tried a photo of a lady doing yoga on a cliff:
Client: We want there to be food in it.
So then I tried an image of a fancy smoothie with fruit on top.
Client: That’s LITERALLY food, not what we’re looking for.
I’m still not sure where to find stock photos of “figurative food.”
I’m a designer who specializes in cover artwork. This client was really excited to work with me after seeing with my portfolio, and wanted a cover image for an upcoming project. He wanted a mixed media, “painterly” vibe.
Me: Because of the scope of this cover, it will take at least a full week for me to be able to get you the first version.
Client: That’s fine, take your time no rush. I like your work and we’ll like you to take your time.
Me: Here’s what i’ve come up with please review and let me know if there’s anything you’d like to change
Client: I love the concept and all the sleeves, my only concern is that the guitar used on the front cover is not the right one.
Me: Ok no problem please send me a picture of the exact guitar you want to see on the cover and I’ll make some modifications.
Me: Please send me the exact image of the guitar you’d like me to use.
Client: I’m heading to a gig. I send it to you tomorrow
Day 7, the client finally sends that image.
Client: Here’s the guitar I’d like you to use.
Me: No problem, I’ll get to work.
Me: Please have a look at this updated draft of the front and confirm that this is the right guitar. And I will proceed with the sleeves
Me: Did you get my message from yesterday? I sent you a draft. please confirm that the guitar is the right one.
Client: (sends same image again) Here’s the guitar I want you to use.
Me: Did you get my last two messages and the drafts I sent you? Can you please confirm that this is the right guitar? I need to know before I put in another set of hours into the cover and I can’t take back.
Client: I am sorry but I’m getting frustrated. I’m running out of time and the guitar is still the same.
Me: I’m sorry you to hear that. Did you get the drafts? Please Confirm.
Day 18. Still waiting for response…
I make audio and video content for in-store displays. I was working with a client who manufactured speakers who wanted audio ad to play on their speaker demo displays in places like target and Best Buy.
Me: The script looks great we will record the voice over tomorrow.
Me: What kind of music do you want under VO?
Client: Uh… how about techno?
I collected four rounds of five “techno” songs.
Client: I hate this music. It sucks. My two year daughter also hates it.
Me: Well that’s really some of the best “techno” out there right now. I’m working with great labels…
Client: I don’t’ care, it’s awful.
Me: …Do you think you could be a little more clear about what you mean by “techno”?
Client: You know… “techno.” Like The Eagles!
Client: Or the Steve Miller band.
Working with a client on a trade show banner, they asked me to use a graphic from a previous project… but wouldn’t send it to me.
Me: I’m just waiting for that graphic so I can complete the concept.
The client sent a link to an Adobe stock photo.
Me: Thank you for the link, but that’s not actually what I need.
Client: Do you have any ideas? What I sent you was an example that we don’t actually like.
Me: …I’ll see what I can do. But I still need that very specific graphic to move forward. Also, do you have examples you can send of patterns or looks you do prefer? That would help me find a direction.
Client: The link to the graph I sent you is the inspiration except that we don’t like that one.
I fired the client.
Client: Alright I need a download page for my application. Make a page with a box in the middle, put our logo at the top and put ’[company name] cloud services’ next to it. Below that should be the file and a download button. Make the theme blue.
Me: Sure. Where can I find the logo?
Client: The application will take care of the text.
I still have no idea what he meant by that.
Me: That does not answer my question
Client: Here is the logo.
The logo is what I would call a “paint.net masterpiece.”
Me: Alright here it is, what do you think?
Client: Looks good. But please remove the text next to the logo, oh and make the background white. Also, make the text smaller and make the download button bigger. Stretch the logo too.
Client: Could you add this copyright disclaimer at the bottom?
Me: Like this?
Client: No inside of the box.
Client: Could you make it stick to the bottom of the container?
Client: Oh and please put it on the right.
Client: No, no, no, I mean make it stick to the bottom.
Me: It does that already?
Client: No like this.
He sends me a video of him moving his mouse cursor around the page.
Me: I don’t get it?
Client: Like you had before, on the other side.
Me: You mean to the left? You told me to put it on the right.
Client: Yes I meant to say to the left.
Me: Like this?
Client: Yes thanks. Oh, and could you add a futuristic line?
I sent him the files and went offline. I’m not going to get paid, but that’s okay – nothing I could make would be worth this.
Me: Your piece is all set. Since your branding uses equal amounts of blue and grey, I decided to do one of each for you to take a look at and decide which you’d like to use, as both colors work well here. You can find them both attached for review. Please let me know which color scheme you’d like to go with when you have a moment, and I will have it posted by the end of the day.
Client: Looks great! I love it! Let’s do it!
Me: Awesome. I’m glad you’re happy with it. Let me know which version would you like me to post and I’ll get it running.
Client: Perfect! Let me know when it’s up.
Me: I will let you know. But which version would you like to use? The blue or the grey?