Client: Make this electric blue!

Me: Can I have an example of "electric blue"?(

Client: (NOT showing examples) Like pastel! But not easter eggs! (continuing to not show examples)

Working on a colour concept for a client...

Client: Please change the railing colour to beige or sky blue, and the sky outside to sunset or dusk.

Me: (Changes railing to beige, and the sky outside to dusk)

Client: REVISIONS NOT DONE, please do as requested... I wanted the railing sky blue, and the sky to be sunset.

I'm not here to play a 50/50 game to guess which one you really want.

The usual routine of checking my inbox got interrupted by a series of short, angry emails from a client.

Client: Do not email me ever again.

Client: I don't care what you think.

Client: Your whole business is a joke anyway.

Client: All the office are talking about you.

Client: You liar. Absolute complete liar.

Client: Consider yourself blocked.

Me: I'm sorry but I have no idea what this is about. Why am I being blocked?

Client: No not you.

Client: Please edit the photo. The sky is too brightly dark.

Me: ...what?

I was designing a flyer for a client. They gave me so many revisions that it was now more their own design than mine. Eventually when they ran out of "constructive" feedback: 

Client: I feel like all the elements are good but I feel the feng shui is a bit off. I don’t know how to suggest to fix it. Anyway, if you find this impossible to understand we can leave it as is it guess.....

Me: None of this work was in the spec you provided.

Client: I expect you to know. 

Me: How?

Client: Whenever I deal with agencies I tell them what I want and they make my vision a reality. Why can't you do the same?

Me: Because you didn't tell us any of this!

How do you mess up an email response this badly? 

Me: Okay. I need to know a few things before we start on the line edits. How many stories are we expecting in the anthology? Will there be an assistant editor? When will submission be opened from? I'll await your reply. Thank you.

Client: Yes.

I'm working on a video for a client, and they had me cut out a bunch of photos in various spots because they didn't think they were necessary.

Client: I think you should put some of the photos back in.

Me: No problem. Which photos?

Client: Well, at 2:12 you took all the photos out.

Me: Ah, yes. That was what you requested. Which ones do you want me to put back in?

Client: Well, not that one or that one, but some of these others.

You may have the impression that the client was pointing at the photos. Me too. The problem was, we were on the phone. 

Me: Sorry, I can't see what you're looking at. Can you be more specific?

Client: Take out the ones with the board members.

Me: Those are all photos of the board members.

Client: Well, put some back in, but not the ones we don't want.

Me: I'm having a hard time understanding which photos you're referring to. Can you send me time codes of the ones you want me to add back into the video?

Client: Sure.

Client: (email) At 2:12, there were photos. Put some of them back in.

I was working with a client who was a non-native English speaker, putting together his books, websites, and product descriptions. We sometimes butted heads, and frequently had problems understanding each other.

He had just come back from another country and was trying to describe a photo he had taken. This conversation was a roller-coaster from beginning to end.

Each entry was its own email.

Client: Their hands were all up.

Me: They were waving? 

Client: Sorry. It’s not waving. Just like Hitler way.

!!!

Client: They raised their hands up.

Me: Like… a Nazi salute?

Client: Almost.

Client: Not exactly.

Client: Up until their eyes.

Client: You know like military.

Me: So, a regular salute?

Client: Thanks.