I have been writing articles for a client for a long time, with no issues. Suddenly, my articles are being returned with lots of corrections needed, all in capitals.

Client: These articles are VERY IMPORTANT. Facts only! NO FLUFF. NO FILLERS. It should be of the HIGHEST QUALITY. I need this to be thoughtfully written.

Ok, it WAS thoughtfully written, but I was happy to rewrite. Sent in the revision, still no good.. 

Client: Please combine facts to one the best-ever review. NO FLUFF, facts ONLY.

I rewrite as cold, hard facts. NOPE.

Client: We’re VERY unhappy. We need it similar to THIS website 

That would have been helpful in the first place. Anyway, I checked out the example website. It’s a first-person, conversational-style blog (with shocking syntax, spelling and grammar I might add). It’s pretty much just someone’s opinion-based review of the product.

So, BRB I guess. I’m off to THOUGHTFULLY write a conversational-style piece with only facts, no fillers, creating “one the best ever review.”

Client: We’ve got a last minute free ad booking with a magazine and need you to prepare a final artwork file for them.

Me: Sure, what are the ad specs, file requirements and when do they need it by?

Client: Why are you bothering me with these questions? Aren’t you supposed to be a creative agency? Use your creativity.

I run a small Fiverr Gig where I design low poly renders for clients, and one day I get a very simple order. 

Client: Hello I would like a jumping kangaroo. The kangaroo is purple and the background to be green. I would like it setup like the bull. I would like it to look like “kangaroohopping01.jpg” but have included other materials as reference.

Me: Alright, I’ll get this out to you ASAP.

Client: Many thanks for your time on this.

Later that day:

Me: Here’s a first draft. Please let me know what changes you would like to see done, and I’ll do them immediately. 

I tried contacting him 4 more times over the next two days. And when none of the contacts worked, I delivered the order, which took three days to finalize, because he would not confirm that it was done.

About two weeks later, I got a review.

Client: Good Experience, 3/5 stars on communication.

Client: Hi! I need the most awesome logo animation you can create. We have a budget!

Me: Okay! I’ll get to work right away.

Client: Fantastic. Here are some idea, our inspiration, and some other helpful materials.

 Wow, the client even knows what they want. Nice!

Two days later:

Me: Here you go! I think it’s a pretty awesome animated logo.

Client: Nice! But the logo isn’t allowed to be animated… Can you make a logo without an animation in it?

Wait, what?

I was filling out a submission form on a website that said the following?

Please attach a link to your portfolio.

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Uh...

Client: Can you make the background image something more “Southern”?

Me: What did you have in mind exactly? Southern is a very broad description.

Client: You know, something “Southerny.”

After this helpful direction I sent another proof. The client is in Arizona, so I guessed and went with cacti, desert, etc.

Client: No. That’s southwest. I meant like mossy oaks, Georgia, New Orleans, mansions.

So NOW you can give me the direction I asked for in the first exchange?

Editor’s note: Normally Clients From Hell focuses on clients in creative freelance fields, but we received this story and thought it was funny enough to share. Enjoy! 

I used to drive a taxi a few years back. One Saturday night was slow so I parked outside a local pub to hopefully pick up a fare. Suddenly a middle-aged drunk dude opens the door and sits down in the passenger seat.

Me: Hi there!

Client: Take me home.

I thought he would give me the address, as most people do. Instead hebasically started falling asleep.

Me: So, where do you live then?

Client: That’s none of your business!

He was dead serious.

I designed an e-mail newsletter for a new client. They provided a limited set of photos and information about what their goals were. I created a design that I believed would go well with their overall brand aesthetic & messaging.

I asked for feedback on my first draft for them. It was pretty basic, but I was looking forward to hearing their perspective on how they wanted it to look.

Here's the response I received after requesting their feedback.

Client: I don't like it.

Me: Can you be a bit more specific about what you would like to see different?

Client: I don't know.

Well, I guess I'm on my own, throwing spaghetti at a wall to see what will stick.

Me: Here’s a moodboard filled with existing logos. Tell me which ones you like and don’t like and why.

Client: Okay, I like these  and I don’t like those.

Me: Great! I’m going to use your feedback to help me design custom logo concepts.

Client: Okay!

Me: Here are six logo concepts based on your feedback on the mood board

Client: I hate these logos and I hated everything on the mood board.

Me: Then why did you say you liked some of the ones on the mood board?

Client: Um...uh...I didn’t want to hurt your feelings

Client: Looks great, just one thing, can we make the spaces in the paragraphs bigger please? Sorry, I'm a stickler for these things. I'm a real layout nerd.

Me: OK, when you say the spaces in the paragraphs, do you want me to increase the leading, or increase the size of the line breaks between the paragraphs?

Client: I don't know what those terms mean, but but make the spaces between the paragraphs a little bigger, larger, wider.

Some layout nerd...