Client: Can you make that a color better? Or maybe use a cooler font?
Me: That’s really not helpful feedback.
Client: Okay. Make it nicer then.
Client: You’ve got to make it look modern, classy and chic. OH! And fresh, yet classic, but not so it looks like a funeral summons. I don’t want a photo or any color and I definitely don’t want it to look like femidom packaging.
I’m a graphic designer with 6-years-experience. I was designing a CV for my mom. This was her brief.
Client: Here's art another company made for us, recreate it.
Me: OK, here you go.
Client: This looks like a vehicle owner's manual, I want it to look like the previous order.
Me: You mean, the order you sent me? That I matched?
Client: No, I wanted it to look like the art I provided. No worries... I will just go with the other company. All good.
Me: Hi, did you have time to review the layout for the site?
Client: Yeah, it’s not right though.
Me: Okay, what would you like to change?
Client: I just want it more designed.
Me: Sorry, what do you mean by that?
Client: Why don’t you get it?
45 rounds of revision later – I think it’s “designed” now.
Client: Hi. I hired your friend to do a logo for us - but she just wasn’t that strong. Can you fix the logo?
I’m a graphic designer. My friend was a UX designer.
Me: Sure, what would you like me to do?
Client: I want it to show a ribbon of bubbles
Sends them ribbon bubbles
Client: No, not actual bubbles. That looks like soap.
Sends them vector ribbon bubbles
Client: That’s way too bubbly. More like fine bubbles.
Sends fine ribbon bubbles
Client: Those are too small. Something in between this one and the last one.
Sends them not-so-fine ribbon bubbles
Client: The ribbon isn’t square enough at the end.
Me: Okay, I’ll fix that - and what would you like to do about this middle part?
Client: I don’t know, that’s your job to figure out. You’re the designer.
Me: I can get a technician to your home tomorrow between 8:00 AM and 10:00 AM. Would that work for you?
Client: Is that the soonest you have?
Me: Yes Ma'am.
Client: You see? That’s the problem with society. There are all of these out of work homeless people begging for money and here we have a company like yours that clearly needs help. Why couldn’t you guys do something about that?
Me: You want us to send homeless people to your house to fix your computer?
Client: Well no, not really but I’m sure you get my point.
Me: No Ma'am, I don’t.
I work as a voice artist and recently dealt with an international client with a several page script. I recorded it, delivered it, and it was rejected 4 times (over multiple days) with the same conversation over and over:
Client: Too much ISSSS. Remove ISSSS sounds.
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Do you mean the sound of the recording, or the way I pronounce words?
Client: Remove ISSSS sounds, we cannot use with ISSSS.
I then applied incremental de-essing to the track (which stunts vocal ’S’ sounds) to the point of making me sound like I had a severe lisp (far outside of what would be considered an acceptable mix) but no avail. The same rejection reasons over and over ….with an ever-increasing fury level from the client.
Client: How can we use this?! Unacceptable! Still ISSSS. Remove now!
Me: I’m sorry, I still don’t understand what you mean by that.
Client: Sounds like amateur, why the ISSSS?! Thought you were professional in studio. Remove ISSSS or we demand refund!
Me: I record upwards of 2,000 voiceovers a year in a sound-treated studio - I apologize, but I’ve never received this complaint before. I truly don’t know what you mean by ‘ISSSS’. I’d be happy to help if you can clarify.
After four re-recordings, a novel-length email chain and enough vocal processing to kill a horse, I finally realized the client had been listening on broken speakers. I suggested they listen on another playback device and never heard back from them again. At least the check cleared.
Client: Can you design birthday tags? For candies?
Me: Sure! What's the theme?
They sent a photo without any reference for size.
Client: Like this one. I want 50 tags, how much is it?
Me: What's the tag size?
Client: I don't know, make it like the one in the picture.
Me: Sure, but I can't tell the size from the picture, can you measure it?
Client: Oh, it's small.
Me: ... Okay. 3cm?
Client: I don't know. Like the size of a fridge magnet.
So I did a 5cm tag and the client did not like it. Too small.