I was doing design for a card game company that will remain nameless.
Client: I’m designing a “noir” card game. I’m going to need it to be colorful and have hardly any shadows. Can you do that?
Me: I can do that, wouldn’t it not really be “noir” then? The whole point is limited colors and heavy shadow, isn’t it?
Client: Yes, it would. Just figure it out.
A "just do what's in my head" from the Clients From Hell archives!
On revision 46:
Client: It's looking great! We just need to sharpen the main points!
I think he's suggested "sharpening the main points" about ten times so far, and I still don't really know what that means.
Client: Can we change this green to... oh, shoot. I'm blanking. What's that color that's like green, but not green?
Me: ...Blue?
Client: Yeah, blue.
I swear that I have to deal with this non-response on a daily basis, with MULTIPLE clients:
Me: I need your opinion on these two options: [detailed approach with pros and cons clearly listed A] and [even more detailed approach with pros and cons B with clear comparison to A]. I can move ahead with either, but I need your input.
Client: Okay, sounds good.
...?
Client: That’s great but it needs to look a bit more designery.
The ur-"clear as coal" from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: We need you to design a banner for us using the logo you created.
Me: Sure, okay. What are the dimensions?
Client: Well… here’s a picture of the room to give you an idea of how big it should be.
Me: Okay, but I need exact numbers.
Client: (frustrated) How do you expect me to know? I’m not in the room to measure it!
Me: I’m afraid I would only be wasting time without measurements.
Client: Fine, okay. Hold on, my co-worker just texted me; yeah, he said that it should be four laptop sizes wide.
Me: …Okay, so is this banner going to be digital now? Like, on a screen?
Client: I don’t see what’s so difficult about this. You’re supposed the be the expert.
A failure to communicate from the Clients From Hell archives!
Client: Can you make the thingy less?
Me: Uh...
Client: You know, the thingy, can you make it less?
Turns out she was asking if I could make the logo smaller.
This conversation took four minutes.
Client: I would like the logo to be more horizontal than rectangular.
From the Clients From Hell archives!
Me: Do any of these appeal to you?
Client: Possibly.
Me: What would you like to see changed?
Client: Make it more sexy and family-oriented.
A questionable request from the Clients From Hell archives!
Me: Any feedback?
Client: This should be better.
Me: Can you be more specific?
Client: Just better. All of it.