"That part about the 2009 economic environment and the recession…that just sounds so negative. Is there any way we can tweak that, or reword it to make it positive?“
Client: "I don’t want to use non moving buttons on the website for navigation. Buttons are going the way of the dinosaur.“
Me: "What would you like me to use?”
Client: "A looping movie where the customer has to click on the fast moving objects to navigate through the site. It will keep them on their toes.“
Client: “So, how much does a logo cost?”
Me: “It depends. Usually around [price].”
Client: "What if I said that I am actually a Haitian, would you then do it free for charity?“
Client: "I want you to put the search box at the bottom of my website. I’m tired of all those websites that have them at the top, it’s way too ‘in your face’. I want my visitors to really want to search.“
Me: "Umm..you want them to search for the search box?”
Client: "I need a logo for my protection agency, it’s named [XXX] after that type of dog.“
Me: "Okay, well what I can do for you is draw up a stylized version of that dog and—.”
Client: "–No, no dog. Whenever people have dog logos they think of Micheal Vick.“
Client: “We love the movie you’ve created for us, but it’s just not working for us”
Me: “Ok, what would make it work?”
Client: “We want it to go viral! It needs dancing babies or unicorns”
Client: “My arse hurts.”
I got this text from one of my clients at about 11pm on a Thursday night. I deliberated for hours on whether I should text back or not, knowing that the client would realize at some point that he had accidentally sent such a personal text to his web designer. In the end I chose to ignore it. We haven’t spoken since.
I want you to make an advertisement that is, well… basically a lie, because that will get people calling our store. Then we can sell them stuff.
Can you just work half as hard on my job as you would normally do? Then maybe I can pay half your normal rate?
You know what’s really great to come across when looking for a pen in the desk of a client whose computer you’re doing IT work on? A handgun.