Lime Green instead of regular. As ninja turtle bright as possible.
Mid-way through a project after 3 months with no contact from the client due to him being off work on sick-leave.
Client: "Ok let’s get this site finished!“
Me: "Sure, I’m fully booked at the moment but I’d be happy to book you in for the end of next month.”
Client: "What are you talking about? Let’s get this done by Friday!“
Me: "Well like I said, I’m fully booked with other clients at the moment but I’d be happy to block out some time for you at the end of next month.”
Client: "Are you fucking joking? I fucking paid you your fucking money to do this site, I come first!“
Me: "Well I’m afraid that as I haven’t heard from you for 3 months, I did have to take on some other clients in order to actually keep my business running, I can’t just blow them off, and you actually haven’t paid me in full, there’s still over £500 outstanding.”
Client: "That’s not fucking good enough.“
Me: "I’m really sorry, that’s the best I can do.”
Client: "How about I come round there and kick your fucking head in? Would that move things along?“
Me: "I’m afraid not, no.”
Client: “I would like to have our home page come up with some information in a hockey puck that flies around the screen. I’d like the user to have to chase the puck with a hockey stick for a cursor and whack it to let them in the site.”
Me: “I’m going to do everything in my power to talk you out of doing that.”
Client: "When this gets printed, what sort of colors get mixed together?“
Me: ”Well, anything that gets printed is basically a combination of black, yellow, cyan, and magenta ink or toner…“
Client: ”That’s unacceptable! I’m printing these for boys, not girls. Magenta is a girls color. Take the magenta out of your printers and replace it with red. Red is much manlier.“
Can we articulate the idea of the nexus of conversation a little bit more cohesively within the design?
Client: “Sorry to cancel at the last minute, but we felt your contract was just… too legal.”
Me: “Well, I should hope so… what exactly was the problem?”
Client: “I mean it’s not very flexible - you ask for payment on such and such a date with this 5% monthly penalty if we don’t make it… it’s all just too legal.”
Client: “What’s that paint software you are using at the moment”
Me: “It’s called Photoshop CS4, and it’s more than just some paint software!”
Client: “Could you make me a copy of it for my 6 year old son to mess around on? He does likes painting”
Me: “Er… no, that’s piracy and it’s licenced to me and my company”
Client: “I’ll provide you with a disc”
Me: ”…I really can't do that"
Client: “Maybe I’ll reconsider your final fee”
Why aren’t we ranking higher on Google? Our name starts with A, and this other company only starts with H!
I like the logo, but can you try a version instead of black type, can you make it plaid.
We’re switching from the AIDS thing. I’m talking with some people out here [in LA]; there’s big money in breast cancer.