Can you add an infinitesimal amount of red
Once a client asked me to create a logo for his mechanics workshop. I asked him what kind of work his shop primarily focused on to determine a “main theme” for the logo. He told me that it was average mechanic work: tune-ups, replacement of faulty parts, and other maintenance. He insisted that the logo had to include a chicken.
Me: What? Why? Your business has nothing to do with chickens. The name of your workshop is “Acme Mechanics”. It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with chickens.
Client: I know, but… well, what can I say? I LOVE CHICKENS.
After presenting the first draft of a case study template, my client distributed the pdf to his staff for comments. His Account Manager came back with amongst others, these two examples of genuine constructive feedback (and by constructive feedback, I mean hilarious drivel):
1. I like the design, but I’m not sure latin is the best language to use in the case study.
2. Who placed these statistics? I have no idea why we would want to track the most popular domestic pets in Afghanistan and present this as a pie chart in our case studies.
Just received the gem of a request:
I saw your CV on AWN.com. We require a freelance web designer who can produce a website similar to http://www.chopard.com/. Please go through the website in thorough detail examining all features and functionality. Our version will have different photos, no video features, and a shopping cart facility.
If you have the knowledge, experience and ability to produce such a website please email me. I will provide you with a couple of templates, which need editing.
Our budget for this project is $200. We pay by paypal or western union in stages of 50% on half completion and 50% upon full completion
Email me if interested, and I will send you the existing templates
Based in London, UK
Email received one month after an html-newsletter I coded (just a big linked image centered in the page) has been sent:
Your html-email was wrong, it did not contain enough HTML language. Keep this in mind for the next time.
A client once asked me to produce a banner for them and the dimension should have been 12 by 3 centimeters. She measured it on her screen using a ruler.
The email newsletter design that you showed us is not fun enough. Can you be innovative and make it interesting by adding some Flash animations?
“I have a design already made, or at least I know exactly what I want so it should be easy for you if you’re a good designer. Also, I would built this site myself but I don’t have time. It is a very straight forward build that I could do myself so I expect to not have to pay for this.”
Setting: a conference call discussing the latest site updates.
You know the picture of the black man on the site, the one in rotation with the other pictures?
Yes, we know the one - what’s the matter?
Well he’s just not quite black enough.
We want a shiny black man on our website.
Client: Our London postcode is wrong, it needs to read SXXX XXX.
*Changes post code*
Me: We’ve fixed that for you.
(10 minutes later)
Client : We don’t have a London office any more, can you remove the post code?