CLIENT: “Make sure you tell the Googles of the world that the site will be launching soon so it places high in their results.”
I know you said it would take three weeks but I’ve just looked at my budget and I can’t pay you after today - so you need to finish everything by 5pm
Client: So I’m in a really big hurry to get this site up. Can you do that by this weekend?
Me: Sure! If you can tell me what you want on the home page, you said you didn’t want text or images.
Client: Oh, by the way, I’m having a garage sale this weekend. I would really like it if you would help me with that.
Client: I wanted to start really early Friday morning and since we’re meeting Thursday you should spend the night at my house.
Me: …I think I have some plans…
I had an icon on a business application that was a rendition of an atom. The CEO says, “I am worried about that icon. You know, because of Iran. People will feel weird because of Iran’s nuclear program.”
Was brought into a meeting with a client that we had done some small time work for. He pulled up a major brand name e-commerce website on his desktop as an example of what he was looking for his upstart clothing business…
Client: If you can just get us a website, pretty much exactly like this, selling maybe 100-150 products at launch and submitted to all the top search engines that would be great!/p>
Me: Ok, what’s your budget?
Client: Well, we can’t pay you in money, but we could pay you in an ownership stake in the company, like stock.
Me: But the company doesn’t exist yet…
Client: It will when you complete the site.
Client: I’m looking for a complete line of custom coffee labels designed for my new line of coffee. Their will be 50 total labels that I need and based on your work and experience you should be able to give a professional estimate. How much do you charge and how long would something like this take?
After lengthy evaluation, proposal and time estimate
Client: That is just ridiculous! Why would I pay anyone that much money and why will it take so long? I’m going to tell everyone that you charge way too much money and that you’re a waste of time.
Me: I’m sorry you feel this way and that’s really all I can offer you at this time.
Client: I’m pretty sure I can hire a High School student to do this for me for $15 an hour.
Me: Please email me your current company logo so I can incorporate it into your website’s header.
Client: Can I fax you the logo instead?
Client: OK, now don’t draw me ugly. Oh, and can we make my nose smaller? I hate my nose. And don’t give me chubby cheeks. And and don’t draw the acne at all. Is that cool?
Me: Sure. Who would you like me to draw instead?
Tagline that my non-profit client is currently really pushing for. I would like to nominate it for Overemphasis of the Year.
“Learning should be for everyone. Everyone.”
We were pitching a potential client on a new website. When we mentioned we would use our photographer for a half-day shoot, he replied “well, I got a Canon Rebel for Christmas and I’m pretty good with it.”