Client “I like everything but the background color.”
Me: “OK, what don’t you like about it?”
Client: “It’s not a color I’d ever wear.”
Client: “Oh wow, this looks GREAT! But seriously, we want to be original here.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. When we discussed the design together, you had sounded like this was what you wanted; is there something that you would like changed?”
Client: “No, no. The idea is fine, it’s just that it’s pretty obvious to me that you traced that.”
Me: “…No, I didn’t. This is an original illustration made specifically for your company.”
Client: “Come on, even I can’t draw that well! I know it’s a tracing!”
Client: We love your WordPress theme designs. How much would it cost to have you do themes for us? We would be giving you pretty regular work, maybe as many as a couple a week.
Me: Well, my usual fee for a commercial site would be $1500 to $2000 but if you’re going to be bringing in consistent regular work maybe we can work out some sort of deal.
Client: Oh, we were thinking something more like $50 per theme.
Me: That’s too low. I wouldn’t be able to do that.
Client: That’s what we were paying our previous designer.
Me: Maybe you should stick with him.
Client: He was a student. He did a terrible job, never finished anything on time and disappeared on us.
Client: “What’s this invoice for?”
Me: That’s the initial deposit; you pay it to start the project and ensure my time commitment to you.
Client: I can’t pay this, I don’t have any money.
Me: “Uh… um. OK, well I can’t build you a website then.”
Client: “But you agreed to. I signed your agreement!”
Me: “I think there’s been a misunderstanding. You agreed my terms which includes paying an up front deposit. We talked about this. You said money was no object.”
Client: “Oh yes, well, I meant money’s no object after the website is built and I’ve sold all my sculptures. I can’t pay you anything now. I want you to build me a free site, then when I’m rich, I’ll pay you.”
Me: “So you want me to work for free with the possibility that I might one day get paid? I’m sorry but it doesn’t work like that.”
Client: “Of course I don’t expect you to work for free. You’ll be paid when I sell my first sculptures.”
Me: “I have a better idea. How about you sell some sculptures first, perhaps at a craft fair, then when you’ve made some money, you can use that to have me build you a site?”
Client: “Are you trying to be funny?”