We’d like you to write an article on the way the market has changed in the last 10 years, and why… And in it, we want you to plug our company. Make us look good. And no facts or stats, please. We don’t need those.
One of my fifty-five-year-old clients called me into his office (where he and his two buddies were sitting on the desk) and told me that in order to keep working for him, I needed to join the “Pen15” club, by writing “Pen15” on my arm. I declined…and was let go a week later.
We need to submit our app to the store before it closes for the weekend–what time does the app store close on Friday nights?
Client: “Why on earth is there an ad on my facebook page from my nemesis!?”
Me: “Facebook places them according to similar interests.”
Client: “Right. Would you please block all advertisements in our page?”
Me: “Sure, let me call my friend, uh… Mark.”
Client: “Great, thanks. You call Mark and have him do that.”
Client: “Could you make this text 12pt?”
Me: “It is in 12pt.”
Client: “Then make it LOOK like it’s in 12pt.”
Working with a surgeon on some illustrations for a gynecology textbook (I know!):
“Your vagina isn’t right. Something just isn’t right about it… It feels like maybe it’s too narrow–could we just widen the vagina out a little bit?”
The dog on the homepage isn’t sexy enough. Find me a sexy dog.
Client: “Wait! Don’t plug your laptop into that outlet. Put it in THIS one, please.”
Me: “This outlet works just fine though…”
Client: “I know it does. But our printer is plugged into this outlet. And we may need to print something off of your laptop.”
Client: “The ‘V’ is too pointy. Can we get a 'V’ that isn’t pointy?”
Me: “An un-pointy 'V’ may start to look like a 'U’…”
Client: “We don’t want a 'U’. We want a 'V’ that doesn’t have a point.”
Me: “Is it landscape or portrait?”
Client: “It’s a bit of both, actually.”
Me: “Really, how so?”
Client: “Well, there’s a woman in the foreground. But there is a mountain behind her.”