Me: “The password is ‘123456’.”
Client: “Upper or lower case?”
I want you to design me something that will make people horny when they look at it.
I bought some photos of my dog. I want him to ride across the website on a skateboard, because people will like that!
Me: “Okay, so here are some rough concepts I’ve worked up. Once you’ve -”
Client (interrupting): “What the hell am I looking at? These look like scribbles my five-year-old could do.”
Me: “Oh, they’re just roughs to get the concept figured out, once we have that done I’ll begin work on the finished piece.”
Client: “How am I supposed to decide which illustration I like if I can’t see them all finished. Finish them and then I’ll decide which one to use.”
Me: “Well, I can certainly do that, but just so you’re aware, I will have to raise my fees to cover the cost of bringing each of these concepts to a finish.”
Client: “Who do you think you are to make demands?! I’m the client, I get to make the demands! It’s not like this is a real job anyway, all you’re doing is drawing.”
Client: “So here’s the deal: my company has just given me $7,000 to spend on this project, but since you only charged us $3500, why don’t you just write me a receipt for $7,000 and I’ll give you back the difference and manage the rest of the money myself.”
Me: “I don’t know, that doesn’t seem right. Is there anyway I can deal with your employer personally?”
Client: “Fuck you! Are you threatening me?”
You did such a great job that I am going to refer you some business. Contact my friend about some work. Oh, she is broke so don’t try to sell her a bunch of stuff.
I want the text to grab you by the face.
Client: "The site is looking great! However, I’m a bit confused. I thought you said the design was done.“
Me: "Yep, the ‘visual’ design is complete. Was there something bothering you about it?”
Client: "Oh no! The design is great, everyone loves it! However, it doesn’t seem to be finished. There are a bunch of pages that look wrong.“
Me: "How so? Could you show me?”
[The client proceeds to click through his site and eventually comes to an external link that takes the user to Amazon.com]
Client: "This page looks nothing like our site.“
Me: ”[somewhat confused] That’s because it’s not your site.“
Client: "But we just got here from our site. Can’t you make it look like ours?”
Me: "I’m afraid not. That would be like walking over to your neighbor’s home and re-landscaping their yard and painting their house to match your own.“
Client: "Oh…well that sucks.”