Our board has come up with a final solution.
Do you work for free? If you don’t please send me your cheapest price.
We are creating a whole video campaign that is going to go viral.
Me: “So… what you are basically telling me is that you like the completed logo, like the completed slogan, like the completed branding work and that you intend to use it all for your new business. Correct?“
Client: “Yes. Absolutely.”
Me: “And yesterday you called another designer and showed them my work and they told you that they can do the same work for 20% of what I am charging, correct?”
Client: “Yup. They said that your prices are outrageous.”
Me: “And you are now telling me that you will not be paying me our agreed upon price but will either pay me what the other designer would take to copy my work… or you will pay me nothing but use the work anyhow?”
Client: “Yup. Take it or leave it.”
Me: “And you do understand that I have submitted all of my work to the US Federal Copyright Office, right?”
Your prices are a little high. My son has a mac and the Adobe Reader. Maybe he could do the artwork changes.
Those photos really don’t work for us. Our clients are usually pale and these ads are colorful. Please make the changes.
Me: “Ok, Great. I have all the information that I need. I’ll send you the site layout by the end of the week.”
Client: “Well, now it is in your hands… I have to go earn the money to pay you!”
We want a total of 8 languages: English, French, Spanish, Canadian…
My boss had several computers sitting around the office that she wanted to get rid of. Being the only person in the office who knew how to even run defrag, the task fell to me to yank the hard drives out per my boss’ instructions.
There was sensitive medical information on them and they needed to be rendered unreadable. Opting for the quick-fix, I bent ALL the SSI connector pins, pulled the power connector pins out with pliers, and snapped off a handful of chips.
Upon presenting the drives to her, she was still worried someone might read them. I took them outside and bashed them against a concrete wall. She was still not convinced. I returned a third time with a screw-driver driven completely through each drive. Her response:
“Well…that looks thorough, but I think someone might still be able to read them, let’s keep them, just in case.”
They are, to this day, sitting under her desk.
Client: “It would be great to have some videos added to the site.”
Me: “You can actually do it yourself through the content management system that’s set up. You can login and add a link that is directly from YouTube to play your videos right on your site. It’ll take you just a few minutes to do. This way you won’t have to come to us and pay us for the work because I know you said you have a tight budget.”
Client: “You lost me at ‘actually.’ Nevermind.. ”