“I hate this new font. Use the first one I showed you. This one makes the site look cheap instead of elegant.”
The ‘cheap’ font was Georgia, the 'elegant’ font was Georgia Italic.
Client: “We will no longer be needing your services, you took too long.”
Me: “[after several timely rounds of revisions] I’m sorry, perhaps I don’t understand, but isn’t the timeline not complete for another two months?”
Client: “All we have received so far are proofs and concepts. We hired you to design us a logo.”
Me: “Yes, but that’s generally the end result of the proofs and concepts. If you are to move on, the invoice stands currently at $550.”
Client: “Since all we have received are concepts, we will only be paying you $50, since you seem to be a nice kid. After all, I’ve got a pirated version of Illustrator and could copy exactly what you did in about 30 minutes.”
Client: “I’ve got this website, but could you put it on a CD so my customers can view it easier?”
Me: “They’ll be viewing it on a computer, right? Do they not have internet?”
Client: “They have internet, but this way if they want to view my material, they can quickly pull the CD out of their desk drawer and put it in the computer. This way if they want to show other customers my material, they can pass the CD to them.”
The developer of a client site I was working on was adamant that the 5 year old design that channelled 1999 methodologies didn’t need changing. The developer insisted that the users would get angry.
Developer: “There’s a Chinese proverb that says a woman born with a limp will refuse a good leg since she’s used to her situation.”
Me: “You’d rather limp?”
Client: "We want the interface to be edgy and all Web 5.0.“
Me: "Web 5.0 doesn’t exist. Web 2.0 is an accepted standard and 3.0 is still just theoretical discussion at this point.”
Client: "Exactly! If our site is first to market with Web 5.0 we get to set the standards and everybody that comes after will have to pay us royalties!“
Me: "Ummm… that’s not how Web protocol standards work…”
Client: “Yes it is, I learned that in my Marketing Degree.”
When the user logs in I want there to be an animation of a bank safe opening. That way the user knows that they can trust us.