I’ve spent yearshelping university professors redesign their lecture slides to be more effective. Despite this effort, the majority of professors still resort to default PowerPoint templates for their lectures. Nothing compares to what I recently witnessed: the professor created a slide deck in PowerPoint, printed it 6 slides to page, photocopied it to a transparency, and then lectured using an overhead projector.
We need to make it happen, however poorly it’s pieced together.
Client comes to me needing a leaflet. They have the content all written, nothing complicated. But then they hit me with the big one
Client: So, just at the bottom there, can you embed a hyperlink?
Me: Wait, what?
Client: Just pop it down there at the bottom so they can go to our web page.
Me: Well, I can write out the address but I can’t embed a hyperlink.
Me: It’s a piece of paper.
Client: Won’t that work?
Me: I’d be delighted if it did…
I do contract design work for a small paper-craft company and I am always puzzled by this client’s weird requests.
Client: Make the shapes 5”h x 3.5”w, but can you make it more rectangular-shaped than squares?
Me: They are already rectangles, because the height is longer.
Me: So you want me to change the dimensions?
Client: No, I just want it more rectangular shaped.
I had done some design work for a company that manufactures apparel for schools and sports programs, mostly recreating low-resolution logos into more usable vector files. After several months of paying regularly, they developed a large back debt and I told them I couldn’t do any more until they caught up. About four months later this exchange happened.
Client: Hi! I believe we owe you money. $X, correct?
Me: (Surprised to hear from them.) Actually, it’s $X+X, but yes. Great to hear from you.
Client: Great! Well, how about we give you 3% ownership of our new company we’re just starting. We’ll need a lot of work done. (The client outlines what the work would be, from branding through to a complete online store, and mentions a fee they would pay for my work.) We’ve got a lot of capital set aside to get everything going and get this off the ground. We’re very excited about where this can go. How’s that sound?
Me: Why don’t we get caught up on what you owe me now before we go any further.
Client: Oh, we don’t have the money to pay you right now, but think of the potential!
Needless to say, I declined their offer. I’m still waiting for payment.
We did an animated gif file for a client - I sent it to the account handler as he had a very important meeting with the client.
He called back an hour later and was VERY unhappy with me.
Client: It doesn’t work, it doesn’t work! I printed it off and took it to the meeting and nothing happened!
Can you make me a website that is just like Facebook?a friend, upon hearing that I had just completed a first-semester course in web programming. His next question was whether I could make a website that is just like Pinterest.
I was working on a website for a management consultancy firm, and one of their clients is a baker.
Client: Yes, I love the new banners. Much better than the old site. Just one change though…
Client: Can you make them more bready?
Me: Bready? What do you mean by bready?
Client: Well, the main client is a baker, so I’d like a loaf of bread on every image.
Me: Even the stock photo of two professionals shaking hands?
Me: Where do you want it? On their head?
Client: No, don’t be silly. Just Photoshop the loaf into the background on the table.
We eventually settled on a new stock image of two professionals eating toast.
Our goal is to develop a thing that does a clearly defined set of some stuff that customers will be willing to pay for.
I had done an illustration of a walled Arabian city for a regular client. The client sent it back the same day because he wanted the outer wall to be in a deeper shadow. I wasn’t happy about the change and I had other work due, so I waited to do it in the morning before my agent was to deliver it.
The next morning, my agent arrived early, and he delivered the painting to the client before I even got in to work. I was surprised to find it was already gone when I arrived. The agent spoke with the client when he delivered the illustration:
Client: See, it’s perfect now! He should have done it this way the first time!