Client: It's still supposed to be black and white, but can you make it, like, more colourful? But still black and white. If you know what I mean?
Client: Hey! Another hi-res image request. Is this something you could squeeze in your schedule today?
Me: Possibly. What do you need?
Client sends a 400kb image.
Me: What do you want me to do with that picture?
Client: Is that easy to do?
Me: That's not how images work. The original photo needs to be high res. I can’t make a low-res photo high-res.
Client: OK, no worries! thank you
At least she was understanding about it.
I got a project from a freelancing website.
Client: It's about a day's work. I'll give you $500 when you complete it.
Now, I know a thing or two so I insisted on a deposit of 50%. He agreed and paid me $250 up front.
I finished the project in seven hours. When I showed it to him he was really nice and happy with it.
Client: Great! Now send me the finished version and I'll pay you.
I know it's a mistake to give someone a finished version before you're done but he was so nice and had also paid my deposit without question, so I sent it.
...Then I never heard from him again. The freelance platform was no help either, for the record.
I'm a writer. Once a month or so I will get an unsolicited enquiry, and more often than not, this is how it always turns out.
Client: Hi. I was searching through this site looking for a novelist. I think I have an excellent concept to share, but I wouldn't have the skills to put it into a book. Can you help me?
Me: I certainly can! What sort of story would you be looking to tell? And what's your budget for hiring a writer?
Client: Thank you for your time.
Needless to say, I prefer emails from my agent.
I had a client who needed me to copy t-shirt designs from lo-res, 500px images. He sent me the images and I had less than a week to recreate them from scratch. I finished two and sent them in.
Client: The second one looks bad.
Me: OK. I can work on it, but I'll need a day.
Client: I need it immediately.
I mentally tabulated how I could get it done before tomorrow. Who needs sleep, right?
Then I sent in the third design. The original image had distressed text, which I duplicated.
Client: No distressed text. Fix it. Immediately.
If you are not willing to communicate properly then don't get mad if its late!
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I was working with a client who told me that he'd fired the last designer because "his designs were terrible." Hearing this I followed his design brief to a T.
After submitting the logos, the client got back to me:
Client: I'm not happy with this. You haven't captured the essence of this project at all.
Me: Maybe you could give me a photo inspiration to give me a more clear idea of what you're looking for?
Guess what he sent me?? That's right, the fired designer's logos.
I'm an illustrator.
Client: this is a good start, but make it more realistic.
Me: OK, can do.
Two days later I sent a very detailed, realistic illustration.
Client: Can you make it more realistic?, I want it to pop out at you.
Me: Alright, I will work on that.
I sent a third, photo-realistic finished piece.
Client: No, I need more realism, but this is a good start.
Me: I cannot do more realism without it looking like a photograph, it will lose its illustrative quality.
Client: Yes! That's what I want, really realistic looking.
I sent a fourth, hyper-realistic trompe l'oeil version that took two additional days
Client: What is this? is this a photo? This looks like a photo, if I wanted a photo I would just buy stock photos.
I sent the first version again.
Client: YES! YES! Thats it, you got it!!
Client: Now just make this one look realistic...
Fired. I got my initial payment but lost HOURS.
While trying to get full details of a communication spec from a new client, I asked several questions. Questions like:
Me: Why were some of the arbitrary parts of the spec in French, forcing me to use Google Translate?
I was given partial source code as an answer, so I asked more questions about the missing bits. Finally, the client responded:
Client: Could you ask your questions in the form of answers?
Me: Uh... Okay. "The format of the message header is _____."
Client: You didn't fill in the blank.
Me: Right. That's the part I don't know. I was hoping you could fill it in.
Client: We need you to provide full answers to your questions.
I'm a video editor and agency sit-in edits are the worst. Half the time they are on their laptops doing other stuff and not paying attention. This happened the other day: I was working on a video and making some slight alterations.
Client: Can you move that text right a bit?
I finished what I was doing and played it back just to make sure it had been fixed.
I hadn't moved the text at all. They just need to make changes to validate their presence.