HOMEPODCAST
SUBMIT STORY

I work as a web programmer for a client who has three wordpress sites, all of which have many pages and are very text heavy.

These are two examples of requests they often make of me:

Client: There’s a typo - “about” is misspelled.

Client: Please make the left margin bigger.

Reasonable requests, right? Except you may have noticed that they haven’t specified what site, page or section they’re referring to. I ALWAYS have to write back and ask what specifically they’re referring to, and ask them to remember to specify in the future.

They never do. Five months already and they never do. They must think I’m in the same sensate cluster than them.

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I was working for an older gentleman who, when he found out I was gay, started making uncomfortable advances.

I was making a simple brochure for him, but he kept making small amends and demanding that we meet in person for every revision.

Me: Hi there, sorry but I can’t make this meeting too long. I have to meet MY PARTNER this afternoon.

Note the “subtle hint.”

Client: Oh not a problem, I just wanted to fit this in – no pun intended! Haha!

Me: (forcing awkward laughter) Ha ha. Well, I think you’ll be happy with these amends.

Client: Oh that looks much better, thank you! Beautiful results from a beautiful man!

Me: Thank you, that’s very kind.

I faked receiving a text.

Me: Oh, that’s my PARTNER. Is there anything else I can do you for before I go?

I shouldn’t have asked.

Client: It’s perfect, send me the print version as soon as you can. I’m on vacation next week in my Spanish Villa. Lounging in my pool and hot tub all alone, alas. I wish I had some company to keep me from getting bored. 

Me: (ignoring the obvious subtext) Have fun!

A week later I get an email from the client. It contained several photos of him topless lounging near his pool. No subject line, no context or subject, sent to me directly.

A few minutes later:

Client: Sorry! I meant to send those to someone else.

Sure….


> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

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Client: These photos are very pixelled.  

Me: Pixelated? 

Client: That’s what I said, picturated. Try zooming in so you can see more pictels.

Me: Pixels – and that’s not really how it works….

Client: I’ve been doing this for years. I think I know how to make images less picklerated.

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Client: I updated my computer this weekend and I couldn’t get my email to work with Outlook. I’ve tried logging in to the webmail and can’t get in.

The client was trying to login to a random webmail when his email was hosted at Rackspace. 

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I’m the staff videographer in the marketing department of a multi-million dollar organization. A few weeks ago, I showed up to a project meeting with the head of another department only to have him tell me that he had recruited a student intern to produce this particular video for him. He made it clear that she (the intern) was supposed to run the show, but it would be a good idea for me to supervise, especially since she might need to use some of our gear. I was insulted, but shrugged it off because hey – it was one less project, and the department was notoriously difficult to work with.

I spent the day of the shoot setting up the company gear for the intern to film the cringe-worthy script that she and the department head had agreed on. Only after we packed up was I informed that since the intern didn’t own a computer, she would need to schedule time in-between her classes to come to my office and use my computer to edit the video. Despite the complete absurdity of this request, I’ve spent the last three mornings awkwardly sitting in the guest chair of my own office watching a college student (who very clearly has zero editing experience) struggle to do my job for me.

I now have less faith in my company’s competence than they apparently have in mine.


> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

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I responded to an ad online for an illustrator, They had supplied some sample art and I thought I was the perfect match because I had done very similar work in the past. I contacted the client and sent a link to my portfolio.

Client: Looks nice, but I am not sure it would fit our project - we’re are looking for a CG artist. 

Me: Oh! I actually do produce all my art digitally. Do you mean you’re looking for a modeler/3D render artist then? I was under the impression it was a 2D project.

Client: Yes it is. CG means computer graphics, it doesn’t have to mean 3D. How do you not know that? 

Me: I do know that - but a lot of people misuse it to mean 3D modelling. When you thought I didn’t fit your project I thought that’s what you meant. 

Client: I can’t believe you - a digital artist - don’t know what CG actually means! 

He then sent me a link to one of those “let-me-google-that-for-you” engines.

Nope. Thanked them for their time and dropped contact.


> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

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Can you move the image half a pixel to the right?
Can you move the image half a pixel to…

I work in video production.

I was originally commissioned to do animate some Photoshop files for a minute and thirty seconds as a demo for investors. The scope changed slightly at our first meeting, when he asked me to make some changes to images prior to animating them. I gave him an estimate on how much I thought the changes would cost based on what he told me.

Of course, the Photoshop editing goes on way longer than I had anticipated. At our next meeting, I told him so and gave him some options:

Me: So, either we can set up a payment plan for these edits because they’re proving so time-consuming, or we can scale back on the animation to stock to the original price point. Which would you prefer?

Client: Ok, that will work.

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