Client: I want this newsletter to look really slick. Think "Transformers" movies.
I think he meant "sleek and modern," but I coul only read that as "cluttered and loud."
And by the tenth revision, turns out I was right.
I was contacted by a writer who wanted me to illustrate a webcomic he was starting in 2019, I repeat, 2019.
Client: I want to push out a strip every day. I can't pay you, but if this hits the way I think it's going to, we'll be pulling in profits by the end of month two.
Yeah, sure. And by "yeah sure" I mean "absolutely not."
I was asked to design and code a website. I told my client that I'd create several views for desktop, tablet and mobile devices. After the designs were finalized with the client and the website was coded for WordPress we had a final meeting:
Client: This Website isn't optimized for different devices at all.
Me: What do you mean?
He showed me the final site on his website:
Client: Can´t you see it? When I reduce the size of the browser window, the tablet and mobile view show up.
Me: Well, that's what responsive Websites do.
Client: I can see the MOBILE view on a DESKTOP screen! How can this be optimized at all?
I quit working with him shortly after this.
When I was starting out as an illustrator and designer, I did a few designs for a friends' band. Album cover, posters, t-shirts, that sort of thing. They didn't pay me, and I never asked them to. It was a fun project for a buddy.
One day they invited me to rehearsal, which SOUNDED cool, but it turns out rehearsals are really freaking boring. Then, at the end of two and a half hours of hearing half-songs over and over and over, my friend declared:
Client: Okay! Band meeting.
After twenty minutes of some preamble:
Client: You've done so much for us that we feel like you're part of the band. But we've been talking about it and we think we want to move in a different direction for our branding.
Me: I mean, that's fine. I'd be happy to do something else, but also that's your prerogative.
Client: Well, I think we should put it to a vote. All in favour of hiring a new designer for the band?
Everybody raised their hands, and then looked at me like I had a vote.
In one unnecessary meeting, they basically put me IN the band so that they could MAKE ME VOTE MYSELF OUT.
I make bespoke hats for clients and sell them online. I do high-end work, and that's reflected in my prices. Typically, the people who commission a hat from me don't have any issues with that. Of course, sometimes I'm still surprised.
Client: What's this extra charge?
Me: Which charge?
Client: This twenty-dollar charge!
Me: Oh, that's shipping and handling.
Client: This is ridiculous! I didn't agree to this, you pay it!
Me: You're paying $500 for a fitted hat, and you're upset about a $20 charge to get it to you safely?
Client: I refuse to pay it.
Bad end: I paid the shipping and handling, and they wrote me a negative review. Silver lining: I now charge $500 for the same hat and including shipping and handling. I left a response on their review saying that I changed my policy and they amended it.
Business has increased since I raised the price.
This week's deal is on a premium font family that's just awesome.
Often, font sales have 100s of fonts — which is great — but sometimes all you need is one versatile font. Nickson was designed from the ground up to remind you of the diners and garages of Route 66 in America's golden age. It's effortlessly cool and stalwart, and you'll return to this look again and again — especially since it comes with 15 styles and 100s of badges and elements. It's the kind of font you want on a tattoo it's so good.
The Nickson family of fonts normally sells for $25, but for a limited time it's only $12. Sell ONE design with this look and you've made your money back and then some.
Around the Holidays last year, a client asked me to come into the office to finish a job. What they didn't tell me is that the staff Christmas party was that afternoon.
No, I wasn't invited. I sat in the corner with headphones on while everybody drank punch and ate goodies.
Me: I'm sorry I can't complete this today. My kid is sick and I'm taking care of him while he's throwing up. I can turn it around by noon tomorrow, but I'm needed here.
Client: I thought you had a laptop! You can work in the bathroom, can't you?
I told him the wifi doesn't make it to this room, but secretly decided to fire him as soon as I got paid.
I have a client who runs a small business, and every time we meet she shares really inappropriate information about all the people working for her. Example:
Client: That's John. His dad has cancer so he's taking some time off. Yeah, it's really sad. I have to give him time off though, which sucks because it means I have to hold off on firing Tanya. She keeps coming to work late, and I can see she spends all her time partying because she posts about it all the time.
Client: Sorry! So for this ad campaign...
I just kept my head down, did my work, and tried to forget what she told me as soon as I heard it.
But I just got a friend request on Facebook from her...