My client got the idea that filenames still can’t contain spaces. In her spare time, she goes through all of the files on her company’s server, meticulously replacing all the spaces with underscores.

She can’t grasp that the fact that the filenames already contain spaces is proof that they can, in fact, contain spaces.

I was creating a billboard for a client that had a trucking school. They sent me a logo, the copy, and a photo of two semi-trucks side by side at a three-quarter view. I created a billboard and sent them a sample.

Client: “The boss doesn’t want both trucks in the billboard. Can you take out the black one in front and just leave the red one in the back?”

Me: “Can you send me a photo with just the red truck?”

Client: “Sorry, that’s the way the photographer photographed them. We don’t have any of the red truck by itself.”

Me: “Can you get me the keys to the red truck?”

Client: “Here’s the final copy.”

Me: “Are you sure this is the copy you want to run with?”

Client: *Angrily* “It’s the final copy! Run with it!”

Me: “If you say so. But just so you know, the copy says, ‘Keep your equipment ruining in top shape.’”

Client: “We both know it is supposed to read, ‘…running in top shape.’ Why would you use the copy if there’s a mistake?”

Me: “‘Final’ usually means final.”

Client: “Well, ‘final’ has a new meaning. Fix it!”

I had a client send me an email asking if I could turn a 35″-by-11″ banner I’d done for them into a small square ad for print. 

Client: “Thanks, but I don’t think you understand. We don’t want it to change at all; we just want you to shrink it into a square. Don’t move anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no matter how small I shrink a rectangle, it won’t turn into a square. If you want a square ad, I can keep the same components but they will have to be re-arranged.”

Client: “We don’t want anything moved. Just the same ad, but a square.”

I sent them the square, with the rectangular ad in the center and two giant white gaps above and below it. Two weeks later (and without a reply from my client), I saw the version I had sent them in a newspaper.

Twice now, a client has loudly complained that he can’t complete his work because he is on a Mac and can’t right-click. I explain to him that if he holds “Control” and clicks simultaneously, it will provide the same options as right-clicking.

These instructions stump him, so I have to go and point out the “Control” key on his laptop. He looks blankly at the keyboard.

Client: *Indignantly* “Obviously, but where is ‘Click’?”