Client: Hello, I’m calling because we need you
to design a mug and a piggy bank that we can sell in our webshop during
Me: This year? Christmas is in three weeks.
Client: We’re just looking for some text on the mugs. Can you turn
that around fast? Time is money, and that’s never more true than at Christmas.
Me: Okay, if it’s just text I can have some designs for you by
He sent me descriptions of what he wanted, as well as
photos of what they would be printed on. One was a coffee mug that was to say “You
are an awesome person!” and a piggy bank that says “I love
money! I deserve wealth!” They
also wanted their logo on the other side, and I had to teach them the
difference between a vector image and a JPG, but whatever.
Even though they
didn’t send me any of the printer’s specifications, I whipped up something that
was basically pleasant to look at, despite the bizarre text.
Client: Wow, you are really fast! I’ll show it
to my partner. Can you try making the “you” bigger in “You
are an awesome person”? I think that shows that it is YOU who is awesome.
Me: I don’t recommend that we do this. It totally throws off the
balance of the letters.
Client: Fine. Well, never mind, we talked about it and we would
like this in cursive. Can you do that
I did, even though cursive is kind of lame.
work! But sorry, my partner is insisting on another change in the font. Would
Dear Clients From Hell: can you guess what
font they wanted for their final product? When I checked their webstore I saw
they were selling the mugs with YOU about two font sizes larger than the rest
of the sentence, and the piggy banks still declaring that “I deserve wealth,” but
now everything was in COMIC SANS. There was nothing I could do to stop
them. Nothing at all.