HOMEPODCAST
SUBMIT STORY

Client: I know I said I wanted it done by Friday but I really was expecting it to be done by today. 

Me: I’m sorry, I’ll have it done as soon as possible and contact you immediately when it’s ready. 

Client: Well that’s really inconvenient for me because I wanted it today. Honestly. What have you even gotten done since yesterday when I last checked in? 

Me: I made revisions based on what you asked me to change.

Client: Well I really don’t see any differences. And whatever you did honestly couldn’t have taken you more than a few minutes so I don’t see why you don’t have everything complete today. But I guess you can still have it done by Friday, I just have to cut your pay in half.

0

I work in IT at a major hospital. In response to the COVID-19 crisis, the corporate staff openly mused about making all the doctors and nurses + some IT staff just stay and sleep here:

Client: That way they’re always instantly available when we need them and we wouldn’t have to pay them overtime since they aren’t always working.

They keep making everyone come in, including all IT and non-medical non-essential staff, because “we’re all a family and if one doctor is essential, we all are essential.”

The corporate staff saying these things are working from home

0

Client: I saw your portfolio on Behance and really like it… can you come to our office in [nearby town] to discuss a project?

Me: That’s actually pretty far from where I live. Can you send me a brief so I can decide if I want to make the trek?  

Client: It’s a very confidential project… You come here and I’ll explain it to you.

Me: At least tell me the something: medium, budget, direction, anything. Budget, anything… It will take my whole day to come there, meet you and return and if I don’t want to take the job then that’s a big waste for me.

Client: We want a 5 minute 3D animation like Toy story from you.

Me: …But i don’t do 3D animation. I do 2d animation and illustrations.

Client: Why don’t you come here… I will explain it you.

At this point, I don’t know if it was really a job or if someone wanted to kill me.

0

Me: The file is attached to this email. Save it to your desktop and resend if you make any changes.

Client: CAN YOU PLEASE SEND THIS FOR A LAPTOP. No one uses a desktop anymore.

0

Over the past couple of months, I have printed labels for a client's farmer’s market product. Each time they order they don't give me enough notice and argue over the rush fee. 

Last week they sent me an e-mail at 7 PM, asking for another batch of labels to be ready the next day and to be put in the mail first thing in the morning. 

Me: I’ll be glad to do this for you, but it will be a rush order. That will cost extra.

Client: Why do you keep charging me extra? I’m a repeat customer. All I want is my labels the next day and guaranteed shipping to my door by Saturday.

Me: We’ve been over this multiple times. It costs extra to ship Express or Priority to your state. It also takes two days minimum without rushing to print and prepare your labels. I'll need to stay up late tonight and work overtime to get it in the mail at all tomorrow. 

Client: I’m a small startup. I can’t afford such huge rush costs.

Me: Say you’re at home eating dinner, and I message you to print labels for the next day. Then you have to drive 20 miles one way back to the design studio, which you only just got home from, and spend 4 hours working. You need to arrange for someone to look after your kid in that time, and because you're working until after midnight you wind up on a sleep deficit for the rest of the week. Do you really expect me to do all of that for you just for free without additional cost? 

They finally responded with two words:

Client: I understand.

They then proceeded to agree to the payment terms for their rush order.

I’d say this had a happy ending, but I’ve had clients conveniently “forget” lessons like this before. Let’s hope the lecture sticks.

0

Yesterday, I met with some potential clients to discuss being involved in one of their projects. We discussed and agreed to a weekly rate for a 40-hour workweek when the following took place:

Client: The expectation is that you will donate 5-10 hours of your time per week to the project.

Me: I’m sorry, we just agreed on me being paid for 40 hours.

Client: That’s right, but we want you to work 45 - 50 hours a week, and we’ll pay you for 40.

Me: No, sorry. I will work the 40 hours stipulated but no more unless you pay for the extra.

Client: You see, this is why you millennials are never be able to afford to buy property!

I still fail to see the connection between working for free and owning property.

0

I was hired as a photographer to take a set of images to promote a New Year’s party event promoting a champagne brand.

Me: I’ll need you to provide the setting – so decorations and people to shoot for the party.

Client: Great.

The event was in collaboration with a luxury thermal resort. They asked me to come at the resort at 10 AM on a weekday of November. Once I got there I saw that there were no decorations at all, and nothing to suggest that it’s a New Year’s party at all.

I sent my assistant to buy balloons and sparklers.

Client: So, we don’t have any models hired but we thought maybe you could be in the photos to make it seem like there’s a party going on?

Me: I’m not sure how I can take the photos and be in them at the same time.

Client: Oh, right, never mind.

After a long discussion, we agreed to have my assistant model. We did the shoot and then, when we were about to leave:

Client: By the way, we want you to make it look like the party is at night.  

Me: That is not possible. You scheduled this shoot for midday, outside in the open.

 Client: Just make some “photo magic.”

Me: It doesn’t work like that.

Client: (spreading hands wide) Abracadabra!

0

I’m a developer creating programs and backends for a university.

Client: We are going to focus around Programmes and Students who attend them. Use that language.

A year and a half into development.

Client: Mmm…. We don’t like the name “Programmes,” make it “Cohorts.”

Me: But we already have all the models, relations, API routes, mobile app that uses these routes, tables, constants named with Programme in mind. It’s going to be a huge task to change all that now.

Client: Yep, still, make it Cohorts.

Me: …OK, fine.

Eight months later.

Client: We’ve decided against calling them “Cohorts.” Change everything back to “Programme.”

Me: (considering violence, whether self- or otherwise).

0

My aunt recruited 14-year-old me as a videographer for the church’s theater performance of the “Passion of Christ” at the church. There were three cameras: two were owned by the church and stayed mostly still once they were set up on either side of the stage, and I brought a camera with me to get a dynamic front view of the stage. The play went off without a hitch, all the cameras worked to perfection, and I was all set to hand off the flash drive with the video file from my camera to the pastor. 

Client: Thank you so much for doing this for us. Now on the topic of payment…

Me: Oh I wasn’t expecting payment for this, just tell my aunt that I had fun!

Client: Oh no you misunderstand, YOU need to pay US.

Me: What? Why?

Client: Rental fees for the 2 cameras of course! What did you think we would let you use them for free? 3 hours of use means you owe us $30!

Me: You mean to tell me that you want me to pay for the use of cameras owned by the church, to use within the church, to make a video for the church, of a play performed by the church?

Client: Yes!

Me: …Tell my aunt I will call her tomorrow, I’m going home.

0

I work in a small mobile phone repair and accessories shop.

One afternoon an older gentleman and his wife came into the shop carrying a plastic shopping bag that looked like it had a box in it.

Client: Our phone isn’t working.

Me: (imagining they have been given a new mobile phone by well-intentioned family) Ok, what’s the matter with it?

Client: We can’t make or receive any calls and it’s very inconvenient.

Me: Ok well I’ll take a look at it, maybe there’s something wrong with the network settings.

They open the bag and dump onto my counter a “wireless” landline phone complete with cradle.

Me: This is a landline phone.

Client: *blank stare*

Me: I work with mobile phones.

Client: Well it is mobile. It’s one of those cordless ones that you can walk around with in the house.

Me: Well, yes, in that sense. But it’s still a landline phone. I can’t fix it.

Client: (looking equal parts annoyed and desperate) But we NEED to be able to make calls!

Me: Have you tried replacing the batteries in the back?

Client: Do you sell those?

Me: … No. But your local supermarket will - they’re standard AAAs.

Client: Why don’t you sell them?

Me: Because this is a mobile phone shop and mobile phones don’t use standard AAAs.

Client: But this IS a mobile phone!

They might have said more, but I didn’t hear them over the banging of my head against the desk.

0
Menu