I do audio for video games. One of my first clients was doing a medieval-themed chess game. The following conversation happened:

Me: So, do you have any reference on how the music should sound?

Client: I want something epic with strong melodies, like the old Sonics or Mario. Something that'll stick in your head.

Me: Hmm I think we should go with something more light. Chess games are games where you think a lot and you don't want intense music that burns your head out.

Client: I get your point, but I really want melodies that'll stick with you.

Me: I Highly recommend against that. Players will turn off the music.

Client: Sticky. Music.

Client: Your photos are wrong.

Me: How so?

Client: The colours are off. My pictures are better.

Me: Did you use a smartphone by any chance?

Client: Yes! How did you know that?

Sigh.

Me: Send me the pictures

I then use £5K's worth of computer to crunch 32bit 50Megapixel HDR images taken on £6K's worth of gear into 8-bit sRGB that resemble smartphone shots.

Client: Great work! I love them!

Client: You're taking too long. I don't need them this detailed! Spend less time on them; I won't mind lesser quality.

Me: Sure

I spend less time and produce faster.

Client: Why did the quality change? Where are the details?

Client: Make it look just like my Yellow Pages ad.

Me: You mean yellow and black, just like your Yellow Pages ad?

Client: Yes.

I'm an architect working for a small real estate development company. I just started this job three months ago, and my first job was to do some proposals for a client my boss found. They were a family of four, and wanted a large house. The client together with my boss made some rough floor plans, and I made them work to be at least functionally sound.

The design theme changed every three days, and the needs started to be more and more convoluted, and the client started to be more and more specific. Six iterations later, I got pulled off the project, my boss telling me the client needs to think about the design. 

A few weeks pass, I hear nothing from the project, my boss says he gave it to another architect. Ooooooook. 

A week ago, I receive the " final final", revision EIGHTEEN. A convoluted mess of a floor plan in which there is no need to go into detail.

Boss: Hey, just received the final design approved by the client. Please do the approval drawings and a few minor changes.

Now at revision nineteen, and will quit after this.

Client: I was thinking for this promotion, we could say that it's a global pandemic... OF SALES!

We're starting to see the most tasteless COVID client stories come in... what's yours? 

I was putting together an ecommerce website for a boutique doll company. 

Client: It might be cute if you put hearts over the 'i's. 

Me: Sure! I might have to turn the headers into images, but that would be a fun look.

Client: Great! Can you change it for all the body text too?

4000 words across the entire site, with a heart at a rate of 7.58% times per word (I looked it up).

I told the client it might be "a little much." 

Client: I already know what I want for the logo. It’s a house, with a face, and it’s on wheels with an exhaust pipe coming out of the back which is shooting out smoke in the shape of dollar signs.

A design disaster from the Clients From Hell archives!