Client: I would like a picture of a businessman parachuting in through the window into a meeting, do you have that type of photograph?
A niche yet awesome request from the Clients From Hell archives.
Client: I would like if you could scan about 400 old 35mm films with pictures from my vacations back in the '80s, and put them on an external SSD.
Me: Sure, that can be done.
Client: Great. Could you also write the dates and locations on each photo? Like it is on my iPhone?
Me: Yeah... about that...
Company Description
Looking for a freelance web designer
Job Description
CHALLENGE:
Design and build a Wix-based website that's beautiful and creates serious FOMO for potential clients! : )
Hi! I'm a new (and starving) artist (custom painting) and need a stunning website not only to showcase my work but, as importantly, to make people want to commission me, as this is the crux of my livelihood. In a nutshell, the website must immediately make people think to themselves, "I MUST hire this guy to paint for me!"
The target market is luxury, as it manifests in locales like the cosmopolitan city, upscale cottage country, and warm beach towns. The site should reflect those markets and make potential clients see themselves, so to speak... and then marry my work to that. So, in a sense, the site provides a degree of familiarity in terms of luxury vibes and then makes the case for the new and unknown - that being my work - as the next needed necessity.
YOU:
Are a dynamo designer with creative vision and know-how and can meet deadlines. You have ample time to see this through well! Do not resort to templates, stock imagery, etc., and instead, prefer to make something unique, organic, and beautiful from scratch. Can make "just okay" photographs look fantastic. Can draw. (Not essential but an asset.) You at least have an astute sense of spatial relationships. You understand details, negative space, and that "perfectly centred or aligned" is not always the answer. Understand the luxury market. Are cool with revisions and criticism in the name of "getting it right" and creating the best result in the end. This WILL be a site you'll be proud and excited to show to others. Are willing to sign an NDA. Above all, "get it" and what we're undertaking here and have the insight to improve still.
TIMELINE:
The website must be complete by or before July 26, 2021. If this works out nicely, there may well be more work to follow. Also, if you're able with Instagram and social, there could be opportunities there.
ANYTHING ELSE?
I can't think of it now, but there's probably something. The best thing would be to reply to this post and let's chat!
Application deadline: 2021-07-11
Expected start date: 2021-07-09
The client is part of a project where we write blogs and provide a picture from one of three shared library sites (such as Pexels), meaning all photos are taken by a random person and uploaded to be used by anyone.
A blog completed on water heater repairs uses a picture of a water heater, sent to the client.
Client: Please replace image with one of water damage.
I sends a photo of damaged walls.
Client: What is this an image of? Burst pipes, dripping ceiling, water stains, flooded dining room or living room, etc.
I scour all three sites' libraries and find nothing. I send a photo of water on the floor with a black background, about as close as I can get.
Client: Why is it so difficult to get a proper image? This does not even come close to any of the instructions I provided.
Me: Because there aren't any images that come close to any of the instructions you provided on any of the three sites we're allowed to use. I'm doing the best I can.
Client: PLEASE REPLACE THE IMAGE WITH ONE THAT MEETS MY REQUEST!
I search again and somehow find an image of water on a garage floor that wasn't there before.
Client: Please use these [professional] links are reference for what we are requesting. I really do not understand why this is so challenging?
Me: Because regular people don't tend to share photos of their own flooded homes.
My client was an outdoor events company and upon seeing a competitor using a blue sky in their advertising, email me:
Client: You need call this company and let them know that they have to change the colour of the sky in their ads! We own copyright of blue skies in this country so no one else can use them!
We own everything we say we do, from the Clients From Hell archives.
After several phone conversations and submitting a fair and direct proposal to a potential client, we received an email with the following message:
Potential Client: At this moment, all I have to judge your abilities on are the websites your company designed. I picked your three companies after searching the Internet and making note of what I saw. Even with all of this, it does not help me get a feeling for how you see my sight and how you would make it unique. We are looking for a site that creates interest to anyone who lands on it regardless of who or why they landed there. I am asking you to please submit a homepage design to help me and my Board of Directors choose the design company that we feel will represent us best.
Really? Okay, so let me get this straight. Out of all of the design companies on the Internet, you’ve narrowed it down to us and two other firms. Even though you think we’re one of the top three webshops on the entire Internet (which is ridiculous), you still don’t have enough confidence in our capabilities and you want a homepage designed first before you accept our proposal. Not only that, but you want a homepage that will create interest for “anyone who lands on it regardless of who or why they landed there”. Oh, and you want it for free.
I’m sorry, sir, we won’t be taking your project.
A "you want WHAT for free?!" from the Clients From Hell archives.
I work in a small print shop as a graphic designer. Someone comes in with an OLD half-full box of dusty yellowed business cards that were obviously printed many years ago.
Client: I don't use business cards much, but I changed my phone number recently and want my cards updated.
Me: Well, we can print new ones for--
Client: No, you need to physically remove and replace the phone number on my actual business cards! I don't want new ones printed because I hardly ever use them, it would be a waste of my money.
Me: That would not be possible.
He gets mad.
Client: You're a liar! You can use that computer thing and do it for me! Do it for me right now or I won't leave!
It got ugly, the owner calmed him down and he eventually left, with his box of dirty old business cards in hand.
I'm an app developer. In the early days of iPhone apps I get approached by a client:
Client: I want an app that women can use as a mirror to adjust their makeup.
It seems like a pretty quick job, two days work, I quote $2K. At the time this is a bargain rate as he says he'll provide the artwork himself, and I throw together an app that just uses the front camera and plays it to the screen, its a mirror!
Client: No, no, this isn't what I meant, it has to be MIRROR!
Me: Can you clarify?
He pulls out a laser pointer and shines it on the screen.
Client: No reflection! It's not a mirror!
I angrily march him out of the office for wasting my time.
Client: I like everything but the background color.
Me: OK, what don’t you like about it?
Client: It’s not a color I’d ever wear.
Yet more proof that clients don't know how the world works, from the Clients From Hell archives.
This happened about fifteen years ago when I was just starting as a copy editor. I was working for a client who helped people publish their books. The idea of the book was quite interesting: a self-help personal empowerment book based on iconic American movies. There were two co-authors involved in the project. I was excited at the prospect of working on it and quickly got to it.
After I submitted my edit of the first chapter, one of the co-authors told me that she had decided that she wanted the book to be inclusive and that I was to change the entire text to "we"! This is absolutely not feasible for an entire self-help book! How would we differentiate when the authors were addressing their readers to when they were sharing their teachings/info?
I tried to explain this to her but she insisted and then went on to berate me for my choice of words in one of the sentences... a sentence I had not touched. I started to have doubts!
Imagine my relief when, a week later, my client told me she had dropped the pair as clients because "the woman was impossible to work with." I am quite sure this book was never published.