Me: “Hey, I’m trying to get your logo set up for embroidery, but I am missing some information. The notes say that the emblem should be hunter green and gold, but I need to know what color ‘gold’ you are referring to. We can do a metallic gold thread — which is not microwave-safe — or we can do a gold-colored thread — which looks gold and is microwave-safe, but it is not a metallic thread — or athletic gold thread — which is the golden rod color that sports teams use. Just let us know if you want metallic gold, gold-colored, or athletic gold. Thanks!”

Client: “Gold thread is fine.”

A client needed desktop support; Word crashed, he hadn’t saved his file, and he couldn’t find any auto-recover data.

Me: “It looks like the auto-recover feature was turned off.”

Client: “That doesn’t sound like something I would do. I’m sure it’s turned on.”

Me: “I’m looking at your preferences right here; ‘Save auto-recover info’ is unchecked.”

Client: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do anything like that, so there must be auto-recover files somewhere. Keep looking.”

At our project kickoff meeting, I ask a client what method of communication he prefers.

Client: “Email is the best way to reach me and ensure that I get your message.”

I send him a project update via email two days later. After getting no response after two days, I query him again via email. He replies, also via email.

Client: “I get too many emails, so just call me here at the office.”

I call him the following week to get his approval on a design, and the receptionist screens my call. I try three more times over the next week, making sure to email with each call. 

On Friday:

Client: “Where are my proofs? We’re on a deadline.”

Me: “I called numerous times, but your receptionist wouldn’t let me speak to you.”

Client: “Yeah, I told her to screen my calls. Just call me on my mobile.”

I call his mobile three times the next week, leaving a message on his (generic) voicemail.

Once again, this brings us to Friday:

Client: “I just ignore my phone’s voicemail. Call my office or email me.”

I begin to do all three, in rotation, over the next week. After failing to reach him, I send him a certified letter to have him sign off on the final product.

He calls me three days later.

Client: “Why are you sending me a letter? It’s 2013, for God’s sake! There are better ways to get a hold of me.”

My client got the idea that filenames still can’t contain spaces. In her spare time, she goes through all of the files on her company’s server, meticulously replacing all the spaces with underscores.

She can’t grasp that the fact that the filenames already contain spaces is proof that they can, in fact, contain spaces.

I was creating a billboard for a client that had a trucking school. They sent me a logo, the copy, and a photo of two semi-trucks side by side at a three-quarter view. I created a billboard and sent them a sample.

Client: “The boss doesn’t want both trucks in the billboard. Can you take out the black one in front and just leave the red one in the back?”

Me: “Can you send me a photo with just the red truck?”

Client: “Sorry, that’s the way the photographer photographed them. We don’t have any of the red truck by itself.”

Me: “Can you get me the keys to the red truck?”