An insurance salesman I was working with called me, livid about a 10-second music pad I had created for him. It featured some pop drums and an upbeat a cappella melody. In an outrage, he told me that his clients weren’t black, didn’t live in Harlem, and didn’t want to hear hip hop.
We have figured out why only a few shop visitors buy: they have to agree to the terms and conditions during checkout. Please remove that.
Meeting with a client, who tries to get us to sign an NDA before he’d come in:
“I need to put together a big online dating site. We’re gonna need ways for people who don’t have digital photos to scan in their bio pictures, and we’re gonna need a big database to hold all of this, and I’ll give you the business of updating everything…”
“About how many customers are you expecting?”
“Oh, just hundreds of thousands. It’s gonna be HUGE.”
“Okay, based on your descriptions, we’re looking at (very large amount of time) at (very large amount of money) to get everything done for you. We’re going to have to ask for a deposit of one-half so we can start work.”
“Well, I can’t pay that. I’ll make the money after it starts, and then pay you.”
“Sorry, but we’ll have to decline.”
“But you don’t UNDERSTAND. This is GUARANTEED to make money!”
‘Fair Use’ means I can use this however I want.
Client (after telling me the idea for the website): How much will that cost?
Me: Well, you’ve given me a lot of info. I’d like to organize all of these ideas and get back to you with an appropriate quote.
Client: I’d like to get it going as soon as possible. How’s $250?
Me: Uh… that’s a little low. I’d feel more comfortable just giving you an official quote and we can see if we can work out a payment plan.
Client: Alright, how about this. I’ll give you the $250 for this project and this other project I have. It’s a porn site for this 70-year-old woman. $250 for both sites AND 15% of the profits from that site.
Client: And I’ll blow you.
Client: This press release you wrote would be better if you included more logos. It needs more logos.
Me: I think the actual content is more important.
Client: No one around here cares what the press release actually says. Just do what I tell you and add more logos.
I would like a picture of a businessman parachuting in through the window into a meeting, do you have that type of photograph?
Client: You know about final cut pro right?
Client: I hear there is a button that makes the video go into focus.
Me: What do you mean into focus?
Client: Well I shot video but it’s all out of focus and I hear there is a button in final cut pro that will fix this for me.
Me: I don’t think that’s possible.
Client: I thought you said you knew final cut pro.
A popular drug magazine hired me to do an illustration for a story about a teacher who got arrested and served 3 months in jail in Thailand just for having drugs in his system. My art was killed because it was too much of a"downer.“
Client: …lift them so the logos are just about centered or just, juuuuusssst below center. I know it’ll be over the city, but this is more of a business decision than an artistic decision.